banned for watching things you like rather than be coerced along by the global media

Banned for criticising my right to exercise my free will and watch pron if I want to.

banned for exercising

Banned for fat inducing inactivity.

banned for fat shaming

Banned for shat faming.

banned for weirdly moving letters around to confuse others

Banned for it's not my fault that you are so easily confused by such a simple spoonerism and threw out your dictionary because you couldn't find it within the pages.

banned for paging the dictionary in hopes of greater word smithing

Banned for riding a galloping goose into town to buy a new dictionary.

banned for releasing wild marbles into the shooting gallery 

Banned for going to a gun fight with a plastic knife and fork set.

banned for bringing a nerf gun

Banned for a rumbling gut that preceeded a major seismic event.

banned for shaking it all loose

Banned for consuming seismic sausages and causing the ground beneath to rumble while stinking out your poor neighbours with the smell of rotten egg gas emanating from the subsequent fissures.

banned for comparing me to putin

Banned for spelling “putaine” wrong (though your context was correct).

Banned for it's really Pootin, but he changed it so as not to cause such a big stink.

Thing is, Pootin is the biggest, worst stinker on the planet and should be banned.... sent off-world to some derelict asteroid heading to another galaxy.

banned for wanting to inflict some other galaxy with that

Banned for not knowing that Pootin would perish on the asteroid because of his hemorrhoids before getting that far.

Let's just hope that what goes up doesn't come down.. hehe.

banned for not just finishing the job now

Banned for not paying enough for the job's completion.

banned for not backing the hefer you rode in on

Banned for it was a bull... and you effin' leave my effers out of it.