banned for not appreciating the cooling effects of mud

Banned for using a mud pack to improve your complexion and it looks like you're still wearing it hours after washing it off.

banned for mocking the beauty impaired you should be part of the club

Banned for not knowing that I'm president of that Club and that my banning powers reach over there as well.  Consider yourself banned.

banned for going clubbing

banned for taking the club into an unknown area 

Banned for campaigning to have only human members in the club... what the fech is wrong with dogs, other than leaving non-banking deposits all over the place?

banned for leaving extra bags of stuff all over the walls

Banned fer installing the hooks to hang them thar bags o' stuff on.

banned for hooking up with the manic wolves of london

Banned for not knowing where wolves are in London.

banned for twisting words around and calling it american english 

Banned for I would never call proper English American... given that the English language has been around for thousands of years and what youse upstart yanks call English is an abomination for all its deliberate misspelling and phony phrases just to try and be unique... different from the originators of the true English language.

Hehe, that'll upset a few septic tanks.        

 banned for trying to mess with septic tanks

Banned for crawling around in the sewers searching for alligators to feed to your li'l dog's ravenous appetite.

Banned for being so rabidly anti-alligator.

Banned for being uncle alligator aggressive in such a shallow pond.

banned for peeing in the kiddie pool again

Banned for leaving something floating in the pool that stopped everyone from diving in..... it may have only been a chocolate bar but the effect was still the same.... everyone thought it was an unsinkable turd.

banned for throwing rice into the ponds to watch ducks blow up

Banned for having an aversion to blown up ducks...

Banned for ducking due to your aversion to low flying ducks and low bridges.

banned for building a bridge but not getting over it

Banned for secretly watching 'Bridge to Terabithia' in a locked room so that nobody knows you're into kids movies.

banned for not letting me enjoy the movies