Banned for being larger on the inside and eating so much there's never ever any leftovers.

banned for not appreciating that the food was that good

Banned for such a ravenous appetite that sees others go hungry and blaming the gluttony on 'good' food.

banned for lighting off fireworks and scaring my poor dog

Banned for it wasn't me.... fireworks are banned here to members of the public in Oz... can only be used by professionals.

banned for thinking that just because it is illegal that it doesn't happen

Banned for suggesting that I break the law and blow up mail boxes and scare little old ladies and dogs with illegal fireworks.

Also banned for it is only 4c in my room at 8.45 am and currently minus 2c outside.

banned for not using kelvins

Banned for if you knew Kelvin like I know Kelvin, you wouldn't touch his leftovers, either.... no, you'd call in a Hazmat team to responsibly remove them before a neighbourhood contamination took place.

banned for calling in on your neighbour like a gestapo informer

Banned for being judgemental [with emphasis on the mental ] regarding my civic duty to clean up the streets and reduce the numbers of scavengers seeking an easy meal from the neighbourhood's refuse bins.

banned for attempting to placate your conscience with wordy word smithing 

Banned for being judgemental regarding my eloquence.

banned for making a piss poor cup of coffee and trying to pass it off as high quality 

Banned for viewing your spy-drone's footage all wrong and making a wrong assumption.... I don't make cups of coffee.

Also banned for not knowing that I'm a tea drinker when the beer runs out.  

banned for letting the beer run out

Banned for being so slow on the beer supplies that I had to resort to making my own.

banned for blaming others for your sins

Banned for the false assumption that I have sins.... shoot, I only ever make mistakes when it's somebody else's fault.

banned for shooting people again and blaming them

Banned because I don't blame everything on everyone... just 99.9% of it.

Also banned for suggesting I shoot people... haven't been able to get ammo for my water pistol in years.

banned for letting your country control you supply of ammo

Banned for owning a paint-ball gun and trying to load 44 Magnum ammo in it to shoot the wild pigs in your area.

banned for not remembering that its javelina and not wild pigs

Banned for being a boar and lazing in a puddle of mud.