Banned for sending contraband through the post.

banned for trying to be contra in a band

Banned for being disgustingly late to band practice and losing yer flute.

banned for wanting punctuality 

Banned for punctual tardiness.

banned for wanting equal pay for non equal work

Banned for equality is a figment of your imagination.

banned for trying to support the patriarchy 

Banned for not supporting the matriarchy.

banned for letting others be in charge 

Banned for diverting an electrical charge down a rabbit hole.

banned for jumping with jack in a flash because of the gas

Banned for letting Flash release some gas, which made him jump as the flames burnt the hairs on his ass.

banned for letting it all go down

Banned for not knowing things go UP in flames.

banned for turning on the machine then hiding the manual

Banned for needing a manual to operate a simple vacuum cleaner..... worse still, wasting most of the day searching for a manual to operate a dustpan and brush.

banned for going so low tech so as to advice such silly advice

Banned for I don't offer advice, I just issue orders and commands.

banned for thinking that anyone would follow such nonsense

banned specifically for such nonsense 

banned for reawakening the dead

banned for tis almost the season for spooky-ness

im definitely just trying to get into the halloween spirit, and did not entirely ignore the previous post date

banned for trying to promote ancient customs and practices that have been christianized for the sake of bringing in more adherents

banned for trying to promote spam in a non banning way