Aussie007

Aussie007

Joined Last seen Member # 2871194
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[quote who="Uvah" reply="118" id="3646375"] There once was a gentleman who had a glass eye. Every night before bed he would put his glass eye in a glass of water on his night stand. One time, in the wee hours of the morning, he woke up with a terrible thirst. Reaching for the glass of water he drank it, not realizing his glass eye was in it. The next morning he woke up with intense cramps in his belly. Quickly he dressed and went to his doctor. "Doc", h

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A man was sorting out his will with his lawyer. After finalizing everything there was $200 left over. His lawyer asked him what he would like to do with it. After careful consideration the man said that his funeral should stop at the pub between the service and the cemetery and everyone have a drink. His lawyer said spend $100 on the way out and $100 on the way back. The man though about this and said no! Spend $150 on the way out and $50 on the way back. His la

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Hi Shauna, I have been down the same path. I used to have it every year and it ended up saving my life. I am in the zipper club as a result. Just remember do everything that you are told to do. (Diet, Exercise etc.) And the most important thing is to remain positive. [e digicons]:D[/e] [e digicons]:D[/e] [e digicons]:D[/e] Cheers, Macca

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As I mentioned in my previous post our tour director did not read out my limerick so I put pen to paper again and came up with the following. There was a tour director named Dave, He was a bit of a knave, He was so silly, We nicknamed him Willy, And sent him to his grave. Cheers Macca

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Something a little bit different! Last year we did a tour which included Ireland. We visited a place called Limerick. Limerick is also a form of poetry. Our tour director asked us all to write a limerick and he would read them out while we were all on the bus. He explained the rules which are as follows. A limerick consists of 5 lines. Lines 1, 2, and 5 must rhyme. Lines 3 and 4 must rhyme. I thought I would give it a go so I wrote the following. However he d

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Confucius Say: No such thing as rape! Woman with dress up runs faster than man with pants down! [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] Macca

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Angus was dying and he said to his best mate Jock! As they lower me into the ground would you pour a bottle of whisky over the coffin. Jock replied! Aye Angus I would do that but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first. [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] Macca

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Man sunbaking in the nude does the right thing and covers his private parts with his hat. Woman walks past and says! Sir if you were a gentleman you would raise you hat. Man replies! Lady if you were pretty it would raise itself. [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e]

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Traveller goes to the bull fight in Spain. After the fight he decides to go out for dinner. He asks the waiter what he suggests to eat. The waiter suggests the testicles of the bull that lost the fight that day. After a bit of hesitation he decides to take the waiters advice and to his surprise he finds that they are a real delicacy. He goes to the next bull fight and after it is over he rushes to the restaurant and orders the same meal. He does

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Elderly couple go to the doctor. Doctor: How can I help you? Lady: The second time my husband makes love to me he sweats. Doctor: How old are you? Lady: 84 Doctor: And your husband? Lady: 87 Doctor: And the second time he makes love to you he sweats? Lady: Yes, in the winter he is OK but in the summer oh how he sweats. [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e digicons]}:)[/e] [e di

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A man comes home from work and catches his wife in bed with 3 men. He says hello, hello, hello. Then his wife says: What aren't you talking to me!!! [e digicons]XD[/e] [e digicons]XD[/e] [e digicons]XD[/e] [e digicons]XD[/e] [e digicons]XD[/e] [e digicons]XD[/e] Macca

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Man with no clothes on is standing in front of a elephant. The elephant looks at him and says: How do you breathe through that small thing? [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] [e digicons]:grin:[/e] Hope this helps Cheers Macca

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I could not believe the scope of this tragedy when I first heard about it. My wife and I were over there in July as part of a tour. We loved Paris and felt very safe. Our feelings are with all the people in France and we hope that the authorities catch all involved. Macca

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