Homemaking is a "Real" Job

We need to change society's view

We as a society, meaning the majority of us, seem to view homemaking as something that anyone could do therefore it isn't a real job. If you are a homemaker and your spouse/partner isn't doing "their part" you must be subservient. And there seems to be no consideration of how well you do your job or how many tasks are included in your job. Sure, anyone could do almost any given part, but few could do all that a homemaker does.

Then there are those that seem conflicted in their view. They state how hard homemaking is but still don't treat it like a "real" job. I will give an example: (Keep in mind, I think these people mean well, they just aren't thinking it through.) Someone suggests to the homemaker "You deserve to have a vacation. Let your spouse take over for a couple of days". Does the homemaker ever take over the spouse's job so they can have a vacation? Don't think so. Now you might argue, the spouse gets vacation days through work. My rebuttal to that is, the spouse's job doesn't get taken over during that vacation. All that work is waiting to be caught up when he/she returns.

People often say they know what a demanding job homemaking is. Some even go as far to say that they couldn't do it. That they have a job outside the home as an escape. When you are a homemaker you never have a punch out time. You do however have a lot more control over how you use your time to accomplish your tasks. You might be able to stay in your PJs until noon but then you also have to be the one to doctor your family all night when they are sick and have the responsibility that everyone is getting to their appointments, eating well, are clothed, etc. Saturday and Sunday are just like any other work day (except you usually get to sleep a little later).

There are advantages and disadvantages to every job. I personally am very proud of my job as a homemaker. My husband and I decided that would be a priority for our family at least for as long as we have children at home. We have a wonderful home and a healthy, stable family. We don't have that just because my husband makes a lot of money. We are partners in life. He can do what he does because I do what I do and vice versa. I am an equal partner. My husband doesn't cook or do laundry and I don't run the business. I actually prefer him not doing stuff around the house because I am a bit of a control freak :) He helps out when I can't due to illness. That is all I would ever ask.

So the next time you ask someone "So what do you do?" and they say "I stay at home." Don't just say "Oh, that's nice." Try saying "So how are things going?" or "How are you liking it?" since that is usually how the conversation goes with those who have "real" jobs.
6,365 views 46 replies
Reply #1 Top
Grew up with a stay at home mom, glad I did. She was a very busy woman and I'm thankful for everything she does for the family.

amen to you Jill
Reply #2 Top
I know how you feel. I use to be a homemaker.That is until the kids went to school and are now old enough to be alone for a couple hours.I either got "you are so lucky" or "don't you get tired of being home all the time?" In my opinion being a homemeker is one of the most important jobs in the world. Although there were times that I longed for a little more then being Mommy and Wife, I would never have traded it for the world.
You are truely BLESSED! Enjoy every moment.
Reply #4 Top
I am also a homemaker, and IMO, being a wife and mother who stays at home is one of, if not THE most important job a woman can have. I stayed home when my children were infants, went back to work when they were all in school, and am back to staying home now that two are teens and one is almost there. I believe they need a strong parental presence now just as much as they did when they were small, and I love being able to be there for them at a moment's notice, as well as providing a welcoming place for them to come home to every afternoon.
Reply #5 Top
Hear, hear.

I think part of the problem with the stigma is more in the way it was done in the past. When you were expected just to be a homemaker, then that was all you did, day in, day out, and when you had free time there was pretty much nothing to do. People became negative and bitter. Now I don't think people see it the same way. You can educate yourself at home, read, write, and generally be creative with your time. Many homemakers I know volunteer or substitute teach as well when their kids are in school.

There have been many times I have faced a lot of scorn for being a stay-at-home Dad. We've suffered financially when a lot of people around us haven't, but every day when my little girl gets up, or comes home from school, someone is here. It is a Home, not a 'house'. From third grade on I wore a door key around my neck, walked myself home, made myself a snack, and waited until my parents got home. Once I was in high school my parents had to be away for a week or more at a time, so there were times I lived alone. Not their fault at all, it was necessary, but I swore to myself my daughter wouldn't have to live that way, and when the time came it was my job we could do without. To most people I'm a bum. My in-laws think I am a waste of skin, I think, and others make a lot of excuses for me. I have a chronic illness as well, so it is easy for people to just nod sadly when they hear I stay at home and 'do nothing'.

I'm not sweating it though. I see a difference in my little girl and the kids who stay at day care or by themselves. I'm not saying it makes her better, but it is a difference that I appreciate. I don't fill the hours with soap operas or jerry springer. I try to better myself any way I can, but the priority is my daughter Melville. When the time comes and she needs me, I am here, the house is warm and the food is hot. I know other kids enjoy their time at day-care, and I don't fault their parents, but to me life is about being there.
Reply #6 Top
My wife is a full time homemaker. She takes care of our two small children and runs our household. And boy do I take a lot of crap for it from..well mostly women. Not other homemakers, but "working" women.

They'll see how I don't know where some pots and pans are in the kitchen or that I don't really do anything domestically (i.e. I don't help with the wash, I don't vacuum, I don't stay up all night, I change a relatively low percentage of the diapers, I don't help cook meals, I don't help do dishes, etc.). People will say to her "We're going to come over and take you out and let Brad stay home and do is part for a change."

Except it ignores a few fundamental facts of our relationship:
1) I work ~60 to ~70 hours per week already.

2) We have a very comfortable lifestyle. Arguably beyond anyone we know personally. If I had to spend even 5 to 10 hours per week helping cook or helping clean the house or whatever, there's no way I'd have been able (or continue to be able to) do what I do at work which is what financially provides our lifestyle.

3) My wife ENJOYS doing what she's doing. But people, who don't know her well, think she's some sort of push over. I.e. that she's somehow a doormat. I can go out with friends whenever I want. But I RARELY go out (i.e. 1 or 2 times PER MONTH).

4) My wife and I had discussed how we wanted to set up our life together long before we got married.

But people, mostly women, would prefer to paint my wife out as some sort of hapless victim to my jerkness. And believe me, it's working women who seem to look their nose down (even subconsciously) on other women who stay at home. I don't know where certain kitchen items are, but on the other hand, my wife doesn't know where any of my work related things are. What's the difference?

The difference is that today people sub-concsioucsly denigrate homemaking. I know I have friends and acquaintances who meet us and I believe, even if they won't admit it, that our lifestyle was sheer luck or largely luck. That we lead a charmed life. But it's not a charmed life. I'm pretty arrogant as some of you know so I'll just be direct in saying this: Instead of people thinking poorly on me and my wife's lifestyle, they should look at it for what it is. We have 2 happy and well adjusted children. We have material comforts that few have. My wife and I spend more time together than any couple I know. We get along extremely well. Perhaps other people should consider emulating our lifestyle rather than trying to force us to emulate theirs.
Reply #7 Top
Hear, hear, Brad. It's about time you started taking up for yourself and defending your lifestyle. LOL

(not that i don't agree ;) )

Reply #8 Top
If it were a real job wouldn't you get paid by someone to do it ?

It seems like children should ideally be raised by both parents. Have to think about that one for a minute.

Dunno. :|

Over and Out
Reply #9 Top
PoetPhilosopher: What sort of system would allow both parents to stay home, other than welfare? I don't think Brad means he has nothing to do with his kids, I think he is saying that the time he would spend washing dishes he puts into his business, and the time his wife isn't doing business she is washing dishes. This is division of labor, not rejection of one's responsibilities. Dishes are just as much 'business' as what Brad does.

The problem is, most modern people don't see their homes as 'labor' at all. In the case of affluent folks with lots of money for a maid and child care, that attitude just gets you apathy. In the case of low or middle income folks, it becomes neglect. Modern thought doesn't reallocate time to take work into consideration, they just ignore the presence of household responsibilities. Not a big deal in nicer neighborhoods, but go see what it does in the projects. You can't neglect the home. You have to make a living, you have to do the best you can, but 'best' has to include a good home environment.
Reply #10 Top
On varying times when I am in between jobs or schooling, I am a stay-at-home mother. I love it, but feel guilty, because I do have to resort to applying for welfare when doing so. I know my daughter loves it, because I get to spend more time with her and do things for her. I can see the difference in other people's eyes when I am on welfare and trying to care for my child vs. when I have secured employment. What they don't see is how neglectful things can get when I am struggling to manage life in that category. Do I work when unemployed? Hell yes, and in some ways I long to go back to work just so that I can have a break. Do I feel that I am contributing as a stay-at-home mom? See how well my child is being raised and how it influences her decisions in life.
I agree with Brad in that women who stay at home can be seen in a lesser, subsevient light. I question whether she really ENJOYS all the household demands of it (dishes are my evil curse)... but I don't question that they are both trying to raise their children the best way that they see fit. Bakerstreet... ignore the sexist stereotypes... I'm happy for you and your family.

Good for everyone... we need to support everyone who tries to create healthy and happy lifestyles for our children.
Reply #11 Top
I work from 8 to 5. In the weekend, with a trekload of 15kg of camping and photography equipment, I trek anything between 15 to 30km. By the time I got home, the only thing that interest me is the remote and TV. And how I wish someone to do the housework.

Its not that my walkup apartment is messy beyond belief. It is just not a "home". Or an "office". Or a "studio". What am I driving at. All these three place needs certain amount of works called "job" to make it work. Without the "job", whether it's real or not, someone needs to do it.

I don't have a home but a house. If only someone wants the job, maybe then I ould call it home. To all the wives and mums in this world, thank you for creating home for most of us.

And thank you Jill, for your comment.
Reply #12 Top
PoetPhilosopher, do you have a family? If so, have you ever stayed at home? You are right, it isn't a job, it is many jobs. No, we don't get a paycheck. We get paid with the wonders of happiness, lack of stress and well adjusted, healthy children. I mention healthy children because my pediatrician always comments that she can tell my kids aren't in day care because it is such a rarity that they are ill. No amount of money can be equivalent to those things. Besides, do you work to live or live to work? Life is not, or at least shouldn't be about how much money you have.

Bakerstreet, I know a couple of stay-at-home dads in our neighborhood. It makes just as much sense as having the mom stay at home. If the mom is better able to provide income for the family, why not. Kudos to you. Well done. Your little girl is very lucky.

To everyone else, thank you for your comments.
Reply #13 Top
Homemaking is a real job--but it is only open to those who are married to a man or woman rich enough to support them. It has always had a stigma and still does. Unless you've actually done it yourself, you don't know how demanding and difficult it can be. It is often a thankless job also. You are fortunate that you had the choice and that you are doing something you love.
Reply #14 Top
Hi Jill good to see you're back, hope you are feeling better. GCJ
Reply #15 Top
Brad seems like you could devote some of your joeuser time to help out your wife a little more. GCJ
Reply #16 Top
I agree with you completely. The reason there is so much trouble in society today is because of the weakening of the family. Children cannot be raised decently if both parents work. I dont have much hope for any changes for the better, however.
Reply #17 Top
You can educate yourself at home, read, write, and generally be creative with your time. Many homemakers I know volunteer or substitute teach as well when their kids are in school.

Exactly....I read, write (hence the username...LOL), work at the school, do needlework and scrapbooking, have the time to cook from scratch instead of opening up a box, etc. I loved teaching, but I honestly find this even more rewarding.
Reply #18 Top
To most people I'm a bum. My in-laws think I am a waste of skin, I think, and others make a lot of excuses for me.

All I can say is, those people are the ones missing out! :)
Reply #19 Top
I can go out with friends whenever I want. But I RARELY go out (i.e. 1 or 2 times PER MONTH).

But how often can/does your wife go out with friends, and how often do the two of you go out together, without the children?
Reply #20 Top
If it were a real job wouldn't you get paid by someone to do it ?

I do get paid...in the fact that I've been there when my children walked, talked, went to school on the first day a little nervous, came home from that first day full of excitement, and tons of other important days and moments...and let's not forget the satisfaction of hearing the simple words "Thank you" or "I really appreciate what you do for us" from a spouse or a child. There are more important payments, IMO, than money...and I get them all!!
Reply #21 Top
It seems like children should ideally be raised by both parents. Have to think about that one for a minute.

And that can be done whether or not the parent who works outside the home helps with housekeeping duties. Parenting responsibilities and housekeeping are NOT the same thing, not by any means. One parent can work outside the home and can still be a part of the decisions that need to be made regarding the children, can still take part in the discipline of the children and the nurturing of the children, can still spend quality time with the children, when work is done. It just has to be a matter of time management and priorities. My mother stayed at home, and my father had a job outside the home, yet I never felt as though he wasn't an equal parent to me and to my younger brother. He was ALWAYS there for us!!
Reply #22 Top
Homemaking is a real job--but it is only open to those who are married to a man or woman rich enough to support them.

As a lower middle class mom, who stays at home, I have to disagree. We are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. We just have different priorities....for us, it's more important to have me staying home than it is for us to have cable tv, cell phones, widescreen TV, two cars, designer clothes, etc. We make due with the simple basics of life, and try to instill the importance of family in our children.
Reply #23 Top
My wife worked until we had kids. We both agreed that she'd stay home with them when the time came. She loves it. To say it isn't a real job is foolish. We are making more money with her staying home with the kids than if she went back to work teaching. After taking into account childcare, we would be making a few thousand more dollars a year. Is it worth a few thousand dollars to have my wife stay home with the kids? Damn right it is.
Reply #24 Top
I commend anyone who stays home as a domestic goddess. However, I would go insane. I've never been the housewife type. Of course, that is also one of the reasons that I only have one child (I don't feel that I have enough time to give enough time to more than one). I stayed home for 8 months with her, then I went back to work. It's just not in my nature to be at home all the time.

That's not to say that I don't love my daughter and don't love spending time with her. All the time that I am at home I spend with her (and so does my husband). Of course, if I didn't have my parents to take care of her while I was at work, I am sure that my life would be run differently. But, the way it works now, she has 4 adults that spend time with her- My Mom and Dad and me and my husband. Not a bad deal for her, I don't think.

Of course, if I did stay home, my house would be a lot cleaner ;) Cleaning is pretty low on my priorities. Once I get home from work, I cook dinner and spend time with my daughter. The rest of the night and weekends are spent tag teaming with my husband with switching off between household work and taking care of our daughter.

In the end, you really just need to be true to yourself. My life would be pretty stress free if I stayed home (I wouldn't have to budget money because we wouldn't have any) but I wouldn't be happy. There are other women who work and they hate it even though they have put themselves in a financial situation that requires them to work. Then you have people like somebody that I am related to who has one child, works part time because she says she goes crazy staying home, is pregnant and talks about having a third. Now *that* is not being true to yourself. (working with two or three small children? especially when you can live on your husbands income?) Be true to yourself and make your life work the way you want it.
Reply #25 Top
Is it worth a few thousand dollars to have my wife stay home with the kids? Damn right it is.

AMEN!! :)