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Is woman to woman affair cheating?

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Is woman to woman affair cheating?

I can't believe he said that!

from JoeUser Forums
OK, so I've had two very interesting awakening conversation over the weekend. One with my hubby and one with the kids while driving in the car on a family trip on Saturday. For now we'll discuss this cheating woman to woman thing. Because I can't believe my hubby said this.

Let me tell you how this conversation started. We were watching telly on Friday night and we were channel surfing and bumped into "Diary of an Affair" on the Style network. I stopped because I wanted to hear what this woman did and why she did it. (I saw a woman confessing so naturally I wanna know) Anyway, apparently she was having trouble with her husband of I don't know how many years. They weren't communicating, and lots of other stuff, and this led her into the arms of her best friend. I wasn't sure if her best friend was gay or not, but they happened to end up having sex. It was a great experience but she was mortified that it happened. She said it only happened once and eventually she and her friend broke off their friendship. She did everything to not let her hubby find out. They patch things back together but he noticed her friend didn’t' come around anymore and kept asking her about it. When he saw them together and saw that something was going on he got the confession out of her. He was pissed! Pissed! My hubby's reaction to that was "ah what's the big deal?" "It's a woman so it doesn’t' count".

I'm like, say what?! "What do you mean it wasn't cheating so it doesn't count?" I asked him. He said, "Well she had a sexual experience with another woman that's not cheating, there's no penis involved. Plus it wasn't a man." I said "Mikey (short for Michael), are you kidding me?!" "Why wouldn't you consider that cheating? She had sex outside of her marriage, she cheated! Although it's a woman, it's still cheating!"

"Well, it is but it's not", he said. "Her husband has nothing to worry about and it was only once and it's a woman not a man." I laughed at that. I said I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then I asked him, "So, suppose it was a man cheating on his wife with another man, is that cheating?" Well he wouldn't even entertain that idea, but he said yes, penis involved, that's cheating! I said "Mikey, you do know that there are dildos and vibrators and such the like that women can use don't you?!" Suppose she found that better sex than with her husband? His response, "Well she didn’t and it only happened once so, nothing to it!"

My hubby is a very level-headed guy and pretty open-minded but this took the cake. I mentioned our conversation to a girlfriend and she agreed with me. Of course it was cheating!

So JU, what’s your opinion on this? Is woman to woman sex, one of them being married, cheating? Is having sexual contact once, not cheating?!

Of course I’m sure he knows that having sex outside of the marriage once is cheating. He’s just thinking this way because it was two women. Not the typical cheating woman with man. Plus, he has this fantasy about two women making out, like all men do! My girlfriend said her boyfriend had the same fantasy too. What is this thing with men? Why do they get so turned on by two women making out or having sex?!
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Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ahhh...no wonder I didn't get it....I didn't read that "article" in Playboy,!

Beleive it or not, I own 3 playboys.  That one, the Rita Jenrette one, and the Tai Collins one (Miss America who had an affair with then governor Chuck Robb).

I do look at the pictures, but I only get the famous ones!

Reply #27 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's cheating, definitely. And i think i'd feel even worse if my partner cheated on me with another guy. I dont know why though, i have lots of gay friends and i love them heaps. But MY 'real man' with a queen, man that cannot be serious... You know what i mean.

Heh, great thread Serenity. and now that u know what yor husband thinks you'd probably want to experiment (NOT!!! hahahahah!!!)
Star Control: Origins
Reply #28 from JoeUser Forums Top

To be fair, he was actually leaning on Christ's own words for his standards...

In a very literal sense instead of the allegorical sense it was meant to be. The whole point of Jesus teaching was that if you have lust in your heart and start thihnking on how to act on it (instead of saying what a hot babe, I would love to get her in bed and letting it go at that). But Jimmy decided that if that random thought enters your head, you have sinned. Other than a few extremist Christians, most understand it to be the former, not the Jimmy way.

Reply #29 from JoeUser Forums Top
Heh, great thread Serenity. and now that u know what yor husband thinks you'd probably want to experiment (NOT!!! hahahahah!!!)


Oh I'm sure he would love that,!


Other than a few extremist Christians, most understand it to be the former, not the Jimmy way.


There's always the extreme way of thinking in everything isn't there?
Reply #30 from JoeUser Forums Top

There's always the extreme way of thinking in everything isn't there?

If there were not ends, how would we know we were in the middle?

Reply #31 from JoeUser Forums Top
If there were not ends, how would we know we were in the middle?


An astute observation!
Reply #32 from JoeUser Forums Top
In this instance it was cheating. I think you have to make case by case judgments. She was not getting emotional fulfilment in her marriage and decided to engage in a sexual relationship with someone else because of it. If you aren't getting emotional fulfilment and then have great conversations with someone else, that is not cheating. If you aren't getting sexual fulfilment and engage in a sexual relationship, that is cheating, but accpetable cheating. If you are missing out on emotional fulfilment, and then go and have a relationship that involves both emotions and sex, then it is clear you are making love to that other person, and therefore cheating. Can you love both people at once, I dunno.
Reply #33 from JoeUser Forums Top

Reply By: Champas Socialist

In a way, I think all 3 are cheating.  If you cheat because you are not getting it in your relationship, then you should try to get it back in your relationship.  If that does not work, separate.

Reply #34 from JoeUser Forums Top
If you aren't getting emotional fulfilment and then have great conversations with someone else, that is not cheating.


True, this is not cheating. What about if this enjoyment in conversation leads to flirting, would that be cheating? I dunno, I guess it depends on how far the flirting goes. However, I believe flirting isn't cheating, it just depends on how far the individuals go.

If you aren't getting sexual fulfilment and engage in a sexual relationship, that is cheating, but accpetable cheat


Acceptable cheating because the individual isn't being sexually satisfied? Hmmm, no, I definately say talk it out, tell the partner what you want and what you're not getting, work at it and if nothing changes, time to break up. In no way should that justify cheating .




If you are missing out on emotional fulfilment, and then go and have a relationship that involves both emotions and sex, then it is clear you are making love to that other person, and therefore cheating.


This means it's time to call an end to the first relationship!


Can you love both people at once


Some people can and do! Terrible for them because they're caught in all the drama.

Interesting observations Champas - thx for your comments!

If you cheat because you are not getting it in your relationship, then you should try to get it back in your relationship. If that does not work, separate.


Oh yes, we think alike Doc!
Reply #35 from JoeUser Forums Top
If the individuals in question think it is cheating, then it is. If the individuals in question don't think it is cheating, then its not. I know a number of very stable, happy relationships where a 'little' on the side is not an issue. Of course, if the side becomes a main, then it raises a whole bunch of other issues as well.
Reply #36 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can';t believe I called it acceptable cheating without putting any provisos on that. Yeah, no, you're right, you have to have that set up first. I think what I meant was I would probably forgive someone for having sex with someone because I hadn't been having sex with them.

I think if you cut flirting off, you are trying to deny that you are human.
Reply #37 from JoeUser Forums Top
If the individuals in question think it is cheating, then it is. If the individuals in question don't think it is cheating, then its not. I know a number of very stable, happy relationships where a 'little' on the side is not an issue


In a case like this where it's an open marriage/relationship, then most definately it's not cheating. Some people do what works better for them. I've seen a couple of programs about this and the people who do this enjoy it a lot!



Of course, if the side becomes a main, then it raises a whole bunch of other issues as well.


Of course this is always a possibility and sometimes does happen.


Yeah, no, you're right, you have to have that set up first. I think what I meant was I would probably forgive someone for having sex with someone because I hadn't been having sex with them.


Ok. And yes, if you're not giving your partner what they want, then there's something wrong with that!


I think if you cut flirting off, you are trying to deny that you are human.


I definately agree with you here! It's a natural part of being human.