Limericks

There was a young man from Darjeeling

Who got on the train to Ealing

It said on the door

don't spit on the floor

so he carefully spat on the ceiling.

  loved them you guys rock

The cabin boy's name was Randy

By gawd he was a dandy

They rubbed his bum

In red hot rum

For piddling in the Capn's brandy.

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There was a man from Nantucket

Who kept a duck in a bucket

When the duck got out

He'd give a very long shout

And his bulldog tried to pluck it

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There was a man from Bel Air

Who did his girl on the stair

On the 99th stroke

The banister broke

And they finished it off in mid-air.

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The cook's name was Mable

By golly she was able

She gave the crew

Their daily stew

On the galley table.

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The First Mate's name was Carter

By crikey what a farter

When the wind wouldn't blow

And the ship wouldn't gp

They used Carter the farter to start 'er

There was a peculiar fella named Sheen

Whose behaviour had become rather obscene

So his father said buster

You've become very lack-lustre

And get your head out of the latrine.

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There was a golfer named Tiger

Who did all he could to oblige her

The Waitress, the hostess

And girls with the mostest

According to a well informed insider.

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There was a cricketer named Warne

Who's been the subject of scorn

He cheated on his wife

And leads a most despicable life

Because he is ruled by the horn.

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The was an old fart named Bush

Who's reputation went to moosh

In the Oval Office He sat

Where he got bigger with fat

And several warts on his tush.

it seems as this is all to easy for the captain...lol

Hey Jack, how are you, bud?  Well I hope!

I have seen you popping in here and there, but I was rather hoping you'd get back to doing some iconsets again... yours were always the best to me, so if not I stll have several sets in my collection to cherish.

The other thing I miss.... the Smedley and Skinhit feud!   So much better than tuning into pretty much any sitcom.

Oh, here's one for you....

There was a young fellow called Skinhit

Who was known for his icons and wit

So when his arch-nemesis Po`

Got feudally too low

He'd leave him dripping in s**t.

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Catch yer later, bud.

when i get sad

i stop being sad

and be awesome instead

There was a young man from Trieste

Who was rather partial to breast

So finger lickin'

He loved his chicken

And always ate it with zest.

Yum

There was a bloke name Uvah

Who got his wotsit stuck in a Hoover

So he went to the Doc

Who put vaseline on his c**k

And began to heave ho.... hoooova.

The was a young man from Bejing

Who thought about having a fling

So out he took her

Not knowing she was a hooker

And ended up with a rash on his thing. 

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There was a Scot from Loch Lomon

Who said he was afraid of not no man

Until late one night

He got a terrible fright,

From a gay guy with a ginormous did yer not know man.

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There was a well hung man from Dundee

Who was outright busting for a pee

But he lost his grip

While shaking off the drips

And now he's nursing a bruised knee.

There was a young man from Saint Jude

Whose tourettes caused him to be lewd

He'd cuss away

And use profanity all day

Then slap himself around the face cos he's a prude.

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There was a young lady from France

Who frequently goes into a trance

She'd sleepwalk at night

Only to wake in fright

When she discovered she'd left home without pants.

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There was a sergeant major named Treloar

Whose wife was a bit of a whore

She was unfaithful just twice

With a milkman named Price

And once with his regiment in Lahore.

There was a young ladt named McBride

Who fell in the Harbour at low lide

You could tell from her squeals

That some of the eels

Had found somewhere cozy to hide.

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The was a young man from Calcutta

Who had a thing for fresh butter

Though not to eat

But put on his feet

To help him slide faster down the gutter

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There was a young lady named Tresize

Who was considered a bit of a prize

Good with needle and thread

She could also bake bread

And her specialty was battered cod with fries.

There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil

There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her,
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.

There was a young man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Said he, "I'll admit
She does smell a bit,
But look at the money I save!

The art of the limerick an old one.

The shower I've taken a gold one.

The content be dirty

Diarrhoea be squirty

Impolite as it is to have told one.

There was an old bloke named Brock

Who occasionally liked to wear a frock

He looked like a lady inside

And could easily pass for a bride

Except for the big bulge of his c**k

There was a young man named Hamel

Who'd always worked with enamel

'Til one very fateful day

When the Legion whisked him away

And next thing he's having sex with a camel.

There was a young man name McKliskey

Who wanted a lass who was frisky

So he got to serious drinking

And did some serious thinking

That he'll get his way if he plies her with whiskey.

There was a young fellow who was under Duress

because he'd gotten himself into a terrible mess

For too many laxatives he took

Because he didn't read the book

And his trip to the lavatory was by way of express.

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The was an old bloke name Trelore

Who was considered a terrible bore

So one day his exasperated wife

Thought to spice up her life

And hired the services of a male whore.

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There was a man named Freeman

Who was thought to be a real demon

Because for dinner he ate

Four raw hearts on a plate

And washed them down with a cup of cold semen.