Riddle Me This

Here's one:

You are in a 2-seater sports car. It is pouring rain. You pull up to a bus stop and see 3 people: your best friend who risked his life to save you once, an elderly lady, and the woman of your dreams. What do you do?

Wake up.  I don't own a sports car.

get out, toss the keys to your buddy.. tell him to be a gentleman and give the old lady a ride... kick back and hang out with the woman of your dreams..

You got it, Bichur!

Hehe: when:

* I was a young buck I would have taken to woman of my dreams and told my best friend I'd be back for him in two minutes.

* In my early fifties I would have taken the woman of my dreams and told my best friend I'd be back for him next week... that all night to do what I used to do all night sort of thing.

* and now, I'd tell my best friend to have one for me and take the old lady.  No pressure that way cos she probably can't remember what it was that I used to do all night, ended up taking all night to do... and now can't do at all.

Jim...I thought you were introducing a DX WIP with the OP....

Brian... I'm telling your wife....that you wanna be with her so much that you'd give Bichur your sports car and your merit badge. 

Merit badge??? That's no merit badge cos Brian don't need no steenkin' badges.  Nope, that's a 007-type medallion, which includes a license to.... er, well you know Bond's reputation with the ladies.  But Brian's not like that... he just wants to be with the young woman cos she's the only one with an umbrella and he was getting soaked cos there's no top on the sports car.

Wait a minute... I HAVE A SPORTS CAR?!? I wish I knew!

But yes, I would lay all that aside for the opportunity to be alone with Bg...

BTW- it was she that told me this joke.

BTW2- Didn't mean to steal your thread, Jim! 

I dragged the mouse from star to star and nothin' happened. You fooleded me. Now I gots to go back to sports car that I only see in my dreams with an old fuddydud who I told to take the old lady for a ride but leave the girl of my dreams with me cuz we got's to see about the dream sequence in which I wake up and realize that it was my pillow I wuz huggin'

Hmmm! If you have a large mothball in each hand, what do you have???

An angry moth?

A very large angry moth.

Male's hand or female's hand?

In the latter case, a lusty, extremely well endowed moth...former? hmmmm.

Or, could be Spring Cleaning. Or, the missus told yer ter put mothballs in tha closet.

A very happy frog

Well I could say that you have a job at a veterinary clinic where the dedicated veterinarian is reversing a moth vasectomy and you're holding the important bits so they do no obscure the incision.

However, you're stuck in the closet and think: "If this moth found his way in here he can find his way out." so you hold on for grim death and hope like hell.

^ This is one sick Pirate.

OK, What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes............................nothing, she's been told twice.  lol  not funny?

What do you call women who hang out with prostitutes?                         Support Ho's.       

What do you call a fat lady with a yeast infection?                           A whopper with cheese!    Still not funny...

Why did the turkey cross the road

It was the chickens day off.

Haha. Good one! 

Doc, what are you not saying?   lol 

Jim, you're sick, sick, SICK!

And it is too funny!

So glad to be finally recognised for the real me.

OK, here's one:

Using just 5 straight lines (we used to do this with matchsticks) write what 99.999999% of the world was fed on.

OK, Jim, seeing as you're the master.....

.... what do you call a ho with a runny nose?????  FULLLLLL !!!!

the answer to all of lifes riddles is Pizza... You would think it would be so obvious..

... with a side of curried cabbage.

Yup!