And That's When the Fight Started...

from WinCustomize Forums
Smiles for your day….
And That's When the Fight Started...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

 

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

 

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
& And then the fight started ...

 

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

 

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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

 

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

 

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

 

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

 

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

 

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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6,521 views 29 replies
Reply #1 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Now those were good.5* :grin: :beer:

Reply #2 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:D

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Reply #3 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:thumbsup: :rofl:  Philly!!!!

 

 

A man staggered into the casualty department of a hospital, he had severe concussion, two black eyes, multiple bruising and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. 

Naturally, the doctor asked him "What happened to you?" 

The man managed to croak..."Well, my wife and I were having a quiet round of golf, we were playing the eighth..., a difficult hole at the best of times....., anyway, we both sliced our balls into a field full of cattle. We went to look for them and as we were walking round, I noticed that one of the cows had something white at it's rear end. I went over, lifted it's tail, and sure enough there was a golf ball with my wife's initials on it....stuck right in the centre of the cow's f***y. 

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife "Hey this looks like yours! " 

And then the fight started....

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While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it, honey?"

And that's when the fight started....

Reply #4 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Hey IR, great to see you back!

Reply #6 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:rofl:  

Reply #7 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:rofl:  :rofl: :rofl: Good stuff!

Reply #8 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:rofl:  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Reply #9 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Reply #11 from WinCustomize Forums Top

and I.R bloody great to see you back...Whooooeeee Sir Brainiacs in the house again








Reply #12 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Husband buys his wife the sheerest of see-through negligees and hands it to her on their 20th anniversary.

She goes into the bathroom to put it on but thinks it better to skip the formalities and get straight

into the sex, so goes back into the bedroom stark naked instead.

"Damn!!!" he said.

"What's wrong, dear?" she replied.

"After spending 80 bucks on a negligee, you'd expect they'd iron out all the wrinkles before wrapping it!"

... And that's when the fight started. :w00t:

Reply #13 from WinCustomize Forums Top

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
Order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
----------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her Not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.
And then the fight started.....
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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....

Reply #14 from WinCustomize Forums Top

'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'    LOL

Reply #17 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Husband doesn't recognise what's on his dinner plate so asks what the hell it is.

Wife replies: "It's beef stew."

'Oh, that's alright, then, I thought somebody had spilled the garbage on my plate!"

And that's when the fight started.

:-"

Reply #18 from WinCustomize Forums Top

starkers, was that a quote from an actual conversation with mrs starkers?:-" :grin:

Reply #19 from WinCustomize Forums Top

starkers, was that a quote from an actual conversation with mrs starkers?
End of quote

Nope, no way would I say a thing like that to my darling... apart from not wanting to get ALL my own meals in future, I'd have a hard time explaining "and that's how the fight started" at the ER, what with the meal and plate wedged firmly in my mouth all at once.

:rofl:

Reply #20 from WinCustomize Forums Top

LMAO!!!!XD XD Yes, knocking a woman's cooking isn't a wise thing to do *_*

Reply #21 from WinCustomize Forums Top

After 40 years of blissful marriage the wife askerd the husband who had everything he ever wanted what He'd like for an anniversary pressent.

He thought about it for a while and said: "Well I pretty much have all that I ever wanted, but I've always respected your privacy and therefore have never seen what you keep in the box you keep under the bed, so on the morning of our anniversary I'd like to see what's inside.

So it was agreed upon and on the morning in question the wife dragged out the box and opened it for her husband to see inside. There were two eggs and a wad of cash amounting to $10.500.

Curious, he asked about the eggs:

"Oh those" she replied: "Well every time I was unfaithful I went out to the henhouse, got an egg and put it in the box to remind me of what I'd done wrong."

He thought about it for a while and considered that two eggs = just twice in forty years, and that wasn't so bad. He'd spent a lot of time at work and often left her alone, so gave her a kiss on the cheek and forgave her her indiscretions.

"And the $10, 500?" the husband asked.

"Oh, that" she replied: "Well every time I collected a dozen I sold them."

And that's when the fight started.

:-"

Reply #23 from WinCustomize Forums Top

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

Reply #24 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Now I know why I keep comung back....comic relief....:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Reply #25 from WinCustomize Forums Top

So...there we were driving along this morning, when I rear-ended a car, we pulled up at the side of the road, and slowly, the driver gets out of the other car....you know how sometimes you just get soo stressed, and life stuff seems so amusing? yeah, well, I couldn't believe it...he was a DWARF....he storms over and shouts "I AM NOT HAPPY"...so I look down at him and say "Well, which one are you then?" ...and that's when the fight started.