Sex Talk

A thumping red white and blue basketball on the concrete drive is becoming the background music of our home.  My ten year old son spends most days now, as winter turns to spring, attempting to make every shot his skinny arms propel toward the basket.

In the last several days the thumping is more sporadic and even halting for long periods of time.  Every time I notice this phenomenon I look out to see the cause.

There standing in my drive is a well developed, curvy, twelve year old woman child.  She just moved in with her grand parents next door.  When the basketball starts stuttering, I know she is on the court.

I was debating on when to start talking to my son about sex.  This and a few other things  propelled me to do it now.

Yesterday I brought him into the kitchen and this is how the conversation went.

“H do you know the difference between boys and girls?”  I asked.

He rolled his eyes.  He is an innocent ten, but still thinks he knows everything.

“Uh yeah mom.  Girls have boobies.”  He said.

I nodded.  “And is that it?”

He sucked his teeth.  “Yeah.”

I said, “Well no baby that’s not the only physical difference.  Girls don’t have a penis.”

His blue eyes rounded.  “Huh?”

I said, “Remember the other day when your brother (3 year old) was saying ‘uh oh mommy!  No pee pee.  Mommy’s pee pee ran away!’

H nodded.

I said, “Well what do you think he meant?  He saw me in the shower and was shocked to see I was missing something.”

H snorted.  “I never listen to him mom.”

I said, “So tell me H what have you heard at school.  Have you heard about sex?”

He sat up straight and took a deep breath (obviously glad to be on firm ground).  He said, “Well, I know one thing for sure.  Girls can’t pee unless they’re on their period.”

Buwhahahahhahaha.

I laughed I couldn’t help myself.

I said, “Nope that’s not quite right, but it is funny!”

I explained the basic anatomy of a woman ‘down there’ and used all the appropriate names.  Then explained in sketchy details how a woman has a period and gets pregnant, by her husband of course!

When I was done, his face was red and he looked like he just ate a very sour lemon.

He said, “Why would anyone want to EVER get married?  That is gross!  Girls are gross!”  (Which reminded me of the time he said he was never getting married because our house would be too crowded.)

I said, “Well I will remind you of that when your hormones are flying and you hit puberty.  Remember our talk about puberty?”

He nodded.

“So tell me what I just told you about sex.”  I said.

He sighed and looked at me like I was making him eat broccoli or clean the toilet.  “A boy gets married and uses the bathroom in a girl, and she has a baby.”

I laughed again.  That wasn’t quite right, but close enough for now I guess.

I said, “Do you have any questions?”

He said, “No!  Are we done?”

I said, “Just one more thing.  Anytime you hear something at school from your friends, come home to me and we’ll talk about it.  Most of it will probably be wrong so don’t  be freaked out if you hear something from your friends that is scary or weird.”

He looked me right in the eye and said, “Mom my friends could never say anything weirder than what you just told me.”

I raised my eyebrows and said, “We’ll see.  You can go back outside now.”

He jumped up and started to trot out the kitchen door when he sighed.

I said, “What’s wrong?”

He said, “That old gross girl is always coming over trying to play basketball mom.  Doesn’t she have any manners?  Doesn’t she know she wasn’t invited?”

I said, “H she just moved in and is trying to make friends.  If you don’t want her over here though, I can talk to her.”

He rolled his eyes (he’s at that stage, sometimes I wonder if he ever sees anything but the ceiling all day).  “Maybe if I ignore her she will go away.”

Today when the basketball started stuttering, I looked out and my son was doing his very best to pretend she wasn’t standing right in front of the basket talking.

Finally, she slapped the ball out of his hand to get his attention.  He looked at her and she giggled.  Then she ran (assuming I suppose he would chase her).  He picked up his basketball, muttering under his breath and started dribbling again.  No stutters.

She didn’t come back….yet.

I wonder how long it will be before the roles are reversed, and he is the one looking for her company?

ARGH!  Hopefully a loooooooooong time.