Dinner Time

Where are you?

from JoeUser Forums
For those of you who don’t know me, I grew up in a family of 7, in a small house. My parents were both from large families and both grew up in rural areas. The only time the family really all got together on any given day was for dinner. This habit was adopted by my parents as well. Some of my favourite memories are of us around the dinner table, laughing and sharing each other’s day.

My wife, on the other hand, is an only child. As a consequence, her childhood was completely different. Both her mother and father were career people, so she was often left to her own devices.

We were talking recently and I happened to mention the wonderful memories I had of noisy dinners with my family. I explained to her we’d all sit down together. There wasn’t a television, music or external amusements. Hats were not allowed, hands and faces had to be washed, hair combed or brushed and a general tidy up had to occur before sitting down. If one of us wanted to leave the table at any point, we’d have to ask permission… “May I leave the table, please Dad?”

Dinner was always at least a main meal and a dessert of some sort. Sometimes, there was also a soup or a starter. And it was always at pretty much the same time everyday, regardless. My wife expressed surprise but thought the idea of it was pretty cool as this sort of dinner inspired conversation and discussion, two of her favourite things.

This got me thinking about what we do now and what others do at dinner time. My wife and I, if we’re at home at the same time, invariably end up eating in front of the television. We don't have a real reason other than this is what we do. I am not usually home until after 6pm so we generally don’t eat until later (like 7:30 or after). I don’t pine for the old days, not at all, but I do wonder how other families operate.

So, does your family sit down to dinner every night or even a couple times a week? Do you think this is a dying habit or still very much alive?
3,914 views 19 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I do think it's a dying habit.

My grandparents always (and still do) made a meal with side dishes (sometimes just garden veggies and a loaf of bread, haha) and we'd all sit at the table. The (my brother and I and our cousins) had to go wash their grubby little hands before sitting down. I always enjoyed eating with them.

Growing up we sometimes ate at the dinner table, but I don't remember doing it a lot.

Now that I have my own family, we aren't very good about it. It's kind of a weekend thing for us. The kids eat breakfast at a different time than me and Adrian, and they're at school for lunch. At supper if the meal is messy they usually eat at the table and the grown ups eat in the living room. If it's not messy we all eat in the living room together and watch TV together.

I do enjoy having meals at the table. We usually laugh a whole lot. The only thing that bugs me is that Adrian is really picky about how the boys eat and I find that it's often more peaceful if he doesn't watch the little savages down their food, haha.

Perhaps we'll have to start doing it more. I think we have good family time laughing and talking in front of the TV, but when we're less distracted it's easier to really pay attention to the kids and listen. Some of the most adorable things I've ever heard them say have been said at the dinner table.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Toni and I are talking about buying a nice dining table and doing it more often, even if it is just the two of us. We talk a lot but very rarely over a good meal. It would be nice for a change.
Galactic Civilizations III
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's funny because my roommate and friends sometimes complain about how annoying it is that when they go home they have to sit down and have dinner with their family and they can't be late and it doesn't matter if they're not hungry. While they complain, I envy them and totally wish my family could sit together and have dinner together even once. We sometimes had dinner parties at our apartment last year and a bunch of us friends would sit down together and eat and it was the greatest feeling in the world to me. Well the good news is that now my family is obsessed with watching certain shows on TV in the evening, so even though we don't really eat dinner at the same time or have conversations, we can all at least sit in the same room while someone eats. I think that's quite a blessing.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I too think this is a dying habit. I guess peoples lives are so much busier.

We do eat at the table every night together, except weekends, and for us it really is the only time we get to hear things that we might not get to hear otherwise. The food seems to make things easier to talk about. I guess it gives them something to do with their hands! For, us unless we are all in the car going some where this it the only time we are all together in a place to talk about anything.

Good blog.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
When my kids were growing up we did.  And still do when the children are over. But usually, since we both work, dinner is a catch as catch can.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

Growing up, we always ate at the table.  So, it was always a habit.  My husband's family did until the kids were a bit older, then they started eating in the living room.  His parents now have his Grandpa living with them, so they are back to eating at the table.

We always eat at the table, even if my daughter is spending the night at her Grandparents.  I typically make a pot of tea and put sugar and milk out for it.  The dishes I cook are plated, and we all sit down to dinner together.  It's about the only time that we all slow down and talk to each other.  My daughter also enjoys the time because we aren't "doing" something.  After dinner, she has to do her homework, so she stalls as much as possible to finish.  But, that is OK, because it calms her down for awhile.

I think that it is good for families to eat together.  "Breaking bread" is very important in many cultures.  In todays busy society, we need to slow down now and then, unplug from the electronic noise, and pay attention to our families.

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I just read an article in Family Circle magazine about this very thing, so you're quite current with what's being discussed and read!

Dinner time at my childhood home was my time we had fun, and shared. Frequently we'd play a word game, whoever started the
game would say a word and the next person would have to say a word that started with the same first letter.
When it was someone else's turn, they could change the letter, going from an A word to a D word, ect.

Now days it's just me and my son, our apt. doesn't have a dining room, the kitchen is just a tiny narrow rectangle, no room for a table!
So we eat in the living room. He keeps different hours than me, so our meals usually don't coincide. We make an exception for holiday
meals though.

Sometimes progress shouldn't take a bow.......the dinner hour was a special family time when I grew up.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm not sure I would say it's a dying habit, it depends on the family really. Sometimes they do it, sometimes they don't. Ok, so that's a lead in to mine....hahaha

Sometimes we do sometimes we don't. Our dining room table is the same one we've had for years, since it's 16 years old. I want to change it because it's seen better years but we won't, not yet.

During the school week, my oldest girl goes off first so she makes her own breakfast, I usually prepare something light for my son who is in Middle School and that's usually cereal and a cup of tea, or eggs and sausage and tea or whatever he feels like having before I go to work.

My little one doesn't like to eat in the mornings so I usually give her warm chocolate milk to drink and sometimes I'll prepare a sandwich or something light for her to eat in the car while we're on the way to work/daycare. Sometimes she doesn't eat it at all.

In the evenings my husband isn't home. My kids help themself to dinner which is cooked by him before he leaves and when I get home the little one and I have dinner.

On the weekends I prepare a big breakfast, if we're not going anywhere. Sometimes I serve my husband breakfast in bed, or vice versa, it depends on who gets up first. We are a close nit family, and noisy to boot and even though we might not sit to eat together, I don't feel we're missing anything. We will eat together buffet style when I cook during the holidays or when we have guests over.

Maso I think you and your wife around the table sometimes is a great idea, even if it's just the two of you.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm always thowing something dead on the grill (until the recent fire ban) for dinner. We eat several meals together but not as much as I remember when I was a child. I guess it's a sign of the times....
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
We USED to eat in the living room with the TV on. But recently we've become more mindful about our food, so we've taken to eating at the dinner table. The TV is off, and we talk. About all kinds of stuff.

It's a really good way for all of us to keep up with what each other is doing, and also a good way to be more aware about what we eat and when.

Growing up in my house was a lot like growing up in your house, Maso. In fact, my brother and I were still asking 'can I get down, please' at my parent's table when we were married and had kids of our own.
Old habits die hard, I guess!
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
First of all, thanks everyone for your responses.

So Many Questions: I like dinner parties but with my wife working shifts all over the place, we don't get that much of a chance to host them. I really enjoy the comraderie of sharing a good meal, a few choice bottles of wine and great conversation. It takes time and effort but is so well worth it.

Kelly:
The food seems to make things easier to talk about
I agree with you. Sitting at a table and eating does seem to bring out the best conversation in people. Some of the best discussions I've had have been over a meal and stimulated by my dinner mates.

Dr. Guy: Dinner most nights for us is catch as catch can too. As I said, I don't pine for the old days, not at all. But sometimes it would be great to be able to sit down at a nice table and share that time with my wife, rather than with the television or a book, as more often is the case.

Karma:
I think that it is good for families to eat together
So do I. I think it is especially good for kids. Like you, my mother would make a big pot of tea once dinner was finished. We'd all have a cup and it was at this time my parents used to talk to my siblings and I about family issues and such. I've got lots of fond memories of these times. I hope you do too.

Trudy:
I just read an article in Family Circle magazine about this very thing, so you're quite current with what's being discussed and read!
Hmm, I don't know if I'm flattered or insulted... Nah, I'm flattered And you"re right. Progress has a lot to answer for in terms of traditions. As Karma said, we do need to slow down sometimes and spend quality time with our families, away from distractions. Dinner time seems to be a purpose-built occasion.

Serenity: your family sounds as loud and fun as my family was when I was growing up. As you say, even though you're not eating together, it doesn't sound like you're missing out on those important moments with your kids. And I'm going to take your advice and try start eating with my wife at the table more often.

Shovel: While I don't BBQ as much as you seem to do, I really enjoy the times because it is one of the few at the moment where I actually do sit down and eat at a table with my wife (usually a few friends as well). I hope the fire bans are lifted soon for you.

Dharma:
The TV is off, and we talk. About all kinds of stuff.
I think this, more than some sense of fading customs or traditions, is what drove this particular blog for me. We do invariably eat in front of the tube, which I'm not particularly proud of doing. As I said, it is not for any real reason other than this is what we do, which is why I'd like to try changing the habit. But I don't think I'll be asking permission to leave the table. Toni would just laugh at me.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I always grew up with a family that ate together at the table. It was expected of us, and we now expect it of our children. I think it is an important and healthy habit as a family. We know that every day, at least for that half hour or so, we will all be together. Course, our kids are still a little to young to rebel, but I hope we are laying the groundwork.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dev, it was expected of my siblings and I too. Often times it was the only time we children saw our Dad, so it was an important daily ritual, both him and us. Your kids may not appreciate it as they become teens, but will certainly appreciate it when they're adults.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Trudy: I just read an article in Family Circle magazine about this very thing, so you're quite current with what's being discussed and read!Hmm, I don't know if I'm flattered or insulted... Nah, I'm flattered And you"re right. Progress has a lot to answer for in terms of traditions


I'm glad you took it the way I meant it! I thought it was so sort of , oh what do you call it when you see or hear something, then all day long that's what
you see and hear, from all different sources...?

Anyway I just remembered that we too had to ask permission to leave the table at evening meal. I wonder how many generations that was handed down'
from?
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
oh what do you call it when you see or hear something, then all day long that's what you see and hear, from all different sources...?


I think you might mean synchronicity (no, not The Police album) I told my wife about what you'd said and she thought it was most humourous. But then, she has a twisted sense of humour; look who she married.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
I always ate every meal with family, even lunch time with my siblings and mother.
My daughter and I eat every meal at the kitchen table, but, we do things a bit differently. I remember one of the main rules growing up was 'no reading at the table' but I take delight in overriding it now as an adult. Kole and I read cookbooks (children's cookbook for her, regular one for me) and point out different dishes that might be fun to try. We talk a lot at dinner, and they usually wind up after about 30 to 45 minutes. I'm surprised now, about how some families have this rushed 10 minute affair... we take our time.

We do bend the rules occasionally by eating in front of the tv when we have pizza night. It doesn't happen very often. Occasionally though, as a treat, I set things up in front of the television and we eat there, and my daughter thinks it's an amazing experience.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Nicky: as children, the only time we would be allowed to eat in front of the television was when Star Trek was on (I'm talking the original 60's series, of course). If I recall rightly, it was on Sunday nights when we'd usually have fish and chips for dinner. Mum would spread out a blanket on the floor in front of the television and we would all sit on it with our dinner and watch Captain Kirk lose his shirt, yet again.

Thanks for stopping by.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top

Nicky: as children, the only time we would be allowed to eat in front of the television was when Star Trek was on (I'm talking the original 60's series, of course)

Lucky dog!  Not even then!

Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Doc; yeah my parents were pretty strict with us but they also were pretty cool when it came to some things. I still can't eat fish and chips without at least thinking about Star Trek.