Goodbye, World.

You've only served to hurt me anyway.

from JoeUser Forums
I wonder how many people will be able to see this particular issue through my eyes...

The world is full of junk.

Junk is anything that fills our heads with useless or harmful information, if even in the most subtle ways. Junk is junk food. Junk is visual pollution, noise pollution, air pollution. Junk is at department stores. Junk is at toy stores. Junk is on the home pages of msn, yahoo. ...

I banished all of our TV's to the storage room over a month ago. Sure, I've felt a couple of brief *empty moments* without the TV's, but the moments came and went. All in all, I don't miss the TV's at all. Our lives have been cleaner and more meaningful & productive since we bid adieu to those boxes.

Today we went to the mall for a while and my son was attracted to the flickering of a cartoon on a TV set near a waiting area. That's OK, I don't mind TV as an occasional treat. That's how it should be.

So I accompanied him. I turned my attention to the cartoon. It was on Toon Disney. I watched as someone was bashed over the head with an object that, if it were in real life, surely would have killed him. The offender snickered and gleaned further enjoyment watching his victim suffer trauma after agonizing trauma. I looked at my son to see his reaction. I saw him startle when the frying pan hit the guy's head...and I watched his eyes as he scrambled to make sense of it all.

There were twenty years of my life when I was desensitized to the horrors of this sort of visual entertainment. (Let's see: Tom & Jerry, Wiley Coyote, anything Warner Bros. really, and pretty much every evil Nickelodeon cartoon since the 1990's...no big deal, right? Wrong.)

Mainstream children's entertainment, Cable TV, Local TV, Pop culture, Hollywood, newspapers, magazines, materialism, vanity, billboards, FM radio, AM radio, satellite radio.

I'm through with it all.

OK, so what else is there? PLENTY.

So I've made a conscious choice to eliminate crap from my brain and from my environment. And to expose my son only to the best things so that when he comes upon the junk in the world, he will instinctively know what belongs in his life, and what belongs in the trash can. I'll be sure to teach him well so that he can choose for himself wisely someday.

Going against the grain is hard work, but hard work is always rewarded.
3,093 views 24 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Just be careful that in your quest to protect your child from the negative in the world that you don't miss opportunities to prepare him to deal with it.

He will be exposed to it, even if not in your home. Sheltering him completely may leave him ill prepared and unable to make fully informed choices.

Good on you for taking your responsibility for that little life so seriously.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

Sheltering him completely may leave him ill prepared and unable to make fully informed choices.

Ditto.

Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Tex & dharma, I'll repeat myself then:

"When he comes upon the junk in the world, he will instinctively know what belongs in his life, and what belongs in the trash can. I'll be sure to teach him well so that he can choose for himself wisely someday."
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
When he comes upon the junk in the world, he will instinctively know what belongs in his life, and what belongs in the trash can. I'll be sure to teach him well so that he can choose for himself wisely someday


And how will you do that if you shelter him from the rest of the world?
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
And how will you do that if you shelter him from the rest of the world?


That's the thing. Often the kids who get themselves in the most trouble when they become teens and adults are the ones who were sheltered. They don't know how to handle all the freedom, and they thirst for all the things they've been denied...which often leads to dangerous excesses.

*Speaking from personal experience*
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
And how will you do that if you shelter him from the rest of the world?


Where in the article did you see the word, "shelter?"
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Stuff that appeals to kids appeals to kids for a reason.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
your kids, your rules.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Where in the article did you see the word, "shelter?"


Mainstream children's entertainment, Cable TV, Local TV, Pop culture, Hollywood, newspapers, magazines, billboards, FM radio, AM radio, satellite radio.I'm through with it all.


A world without any of that IS sheltered. That is the reality of the world. The argument can be made that inundating a child with any/all of those things can be bad. I won't argue that point and I also won't argue with you about how you decide to raise your children.

But, cutting it all off completely is sheltering. Regardless of motivations.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
A world without any of that IS sheltered. That is the reality of the world. The argument can be made that inundating a child with any/all of those things can be bad. I won't argue that point and I also won't argue with you about how you decide to raise your children.

But, cutting it all off completely is sheltering. Regardless of motivations.


Bingo.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
I simply want to be sure to actively expose my son to good things, rather than let the meaningless things of the world grab his attention first. Everyone deserves a clean, optimistic start to life. The junk will inevitably be there for him to filter through. That's part of life. I just want to take an active part right now to ensure that he sees more good than bad. For crying out loud, he's only two.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top

I simply want to be sure to actively expose my son to good things


'Good' is subjective, though. A lot of parents don't have a problem with cartoons or children's television programming like Blues Clues and Dora. Removing ALL of that creates a uberly controlled environment, which is sometimes worse than letting them do whatever, whenever.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
I simply want to be sure to actively expose my son to good things, rather than let the meaningless things of the world grab his attention first. Everyone deserves a clean, optimistic start to life. The junk will inevitably be there for him to filter through. That's part of life. I just want to take an active part right now to ensure that he sees more good than bad. For crying out loud, he's only two.


Again, I'm not debating whether you have the right or not to try and raise your child the best you possibly can. I do point out, however, that some other mothers have come here and tried to give you advice in hopes of keeping you from doing something that might not lead you to your final goal and you've been quite defensive about it.

I don't think their goal was to come and tear you down for your desires, but instead, to help you meet them in a realistic manner by voicing valid concerns.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Blues Clues and Dora


My son digs Blue's Clues & Dora. It's good stuff in moderate doses.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't think their goal was to come and tear you down for your desires, but instead, to help you meet them in a realistic manner by voicing valid concerns.


They're much more articulate than I am. I'll just continue to work on my writing skills so that I may run with the goddesses some day
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
So no matter what I write, in their minds they always win. That's fine


Wow. Nope, that's not what I think at all and I certainly don't consider myself a goddess. I'm just sharing my thoughts with you.

It doesn't matter what I think, because your son is yours to raise.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top

"When he comes upon the junk in the world, he will instinctively know what belongs in his life, and what belongs in the trash can. I'll be sure to teach him well so that he can choose for himself wisely someday."

Sheltering him completely may leave him ill prepared and unable to make fully informed choices.

Ditto.

Ditto as well.

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't think their goal was to come and tear you down for your desires, but instead, to help you meet them in a realistic manner by voicing valid concerns.


I'm no goddess, that's for sure, and your writing skills are fine. Like Chip said, I'm just trying to warn you of the dangers of controlling TOO much. I've raised three kids and have had to pay the price for my mistakes...and I don't want you to do the same.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
As a child still, although legally an adult, it is in my experience I learn most from what my parents do in response to situations that puzzle me or I would feel uncomfortable in. I believe that the fact that you CARE about your son will influence him much more than if you try to restrict mainstream media. I agree that you should teach your son values, and do not voluntarily expose him to harmful ideas or situations, but be aware that he will come in contact with evil, and to know that you as a parent probably went through many of the core evils in the world and survived, all the while caring for another human being, will encourage him to do the same.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Removing negative influences completely doesn't always help a kid differentiate the good from the bad, what it usually does is leave them ill-equipped to deal with the bad when they encounter it beyond your controlled environment. You don't learn from things you rarely encounter, you learn from encountering them, reacting to them, and then dealing with the consequences of your reactions. And unless you're not allowing him to visit friends houses where such things as TV and such, all your doing is making sure you're not around to help guide him through things when he is exposed to them.

Like everyone else, I have to caution against the idea of isolatition from mainstream media. All he'll be learning right now is that there's something "forbidden" about these things, that there must be something REALLY great over there that mommy's keeping him from. Teach him by talking to him about what he does see, discuss it with him when he sees a Tom & Jerry cartoon. It's OK to laugh at an anvil being dropped on a cartoon's head so long as you understand that it's not real. Kids actually are pretty good at distinguishing between real and imaginary, they're often smarter than we give them credit for.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the more restricted a kid is as a child, the greater their rebellion often is once they become a teenager. Approach your kid as a person and not as a china doll that needs protected from everything and he'll learn much more and respect you more as a result. Not to say restricting content isn't a bad idea, I encourage monitoring and keeping control over what sorts of things are seen, but the key is to still let some through. The tighter you try to grasp something, the more slips through your fingers, provide a gentle guiding hand and the results will probably be much better.

Were you completely sheltered from the bad influences of the world as a child? You said your head was filled with this junk as a kid too, yet you seem to have processed it, come to terms with it and developed quite well, why do you think your own kid isn't capable of the same?
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Amazingly enough, I was having a conversation about this very issue ....One of the mothers we all know has protected her kids from evils of the world so well that they can't function without her there to protect them. And they are drawn to all things forbidden like a moth to the flame. Her kids are 2, 4, 6. 8 and 10 (yeah, one of those mormon moms...) ALL of the kids are ill equipt to deal with other kids, stress or "bad" stuff.

I know you and I know you have good intentions. I also know you are a good mom and while you may say things that sound very hard line, you are actually well balanced and use very good judgement in dealing with things. I know you will do well in raising M. But I do want to throw a few things out for you to mull over. Yeah, he's only 2, but that shouldn't mean that he is in a bubble. Remember that you can't wait till a kid is 2 to teach him what no means, you start BEFORE you are even sure they will get it, so that you can teach him line apon line. Dealing with the world is the same concept, you have to teach him how to deal with it BEFORE it's an issue. Life may be all hunky dory at home, but soon he will be in school and exposed to kids who swear or say/do things that are not in line with the things you want to teach him. You can't wait till he sees something to teach him, you need to teach line apon line now.

Conor is 3 and just learned about swearing.....so don't think you have too much longer before M. surprises you with a *&%*# that he heard at Walmart.

Sheltering him completely may leave him ill prepared and unable to make fully informed choices.

Removing negative influences completely doesn't always help a kid differentiate the good from the bad, what it usually does is leave them ill-equipped to deal with the bad when they encounter it beyond your controlled environment. You don't learn from things you rarely encounter, you learn from encountering them, reacting to them, and then dealing with the consequences of your reactions

The comments people left are assuming that you are COMPLETELY sheltering him. As long as you maintain balance between protection and wisdom, there is no big deal, right?

Another thing to keep in mind is that the more restricted a kid is as a child, the greater their rebellion often is once they become a teenager.

And I can heartily agree with this one. I was forbidden from watching TV or listening to the radio for years....when I did get a chance to watch TV at soemones house, did you think I wasted that chance by watching cartoons? NO> I watched the things that would shock me and give me the most "bang for my buck" and it went on from there.

It's easy to want to protect your child especially after the disaster that you had to grow up with, but you need to make sure you don't go to the other end of the specturm.
And as I said before, you are a good mom and a good person, just don't expect perfection from yourself or your son.
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
ill prepared and unable to make fully informed choices


Sheltering


restricted


*Sigh* I just don't know where you're all getting these words or ideas from.

My words are FORTIFY. TEACH. LOVE.

This world is a scary place. I will fortify my son so that he can deal with it all. I will teach him the difference between right and wrong, and I will emphasize the importance of choosing the better part, but he'll be free to make his own choices. I will love him no matter what happens. How is that any different from what any parent would want for their children?

I know it's completely unrealistic to rule out the mass media. I can always aim high but make exceptions. I'm walking on eggshells during my son's formative years because I want to give him a good start. I want to fortify him so that he has a strong sense of what's most important in life: love, family, and wholesome activities. At the age of two, there is no need for him to witness trauma for entertainment purposes. That will do nothing to prepare him for the real world. That is just pure junk. Traumas happen in real life, and inevitably everyone goes through a handful in their lifetime without the need to learn about it from Hollywood.

My son has friends & real life situations & books & lessons & songs & a loving family. He doesn't need trash right now. It will come in its own time without me feeding it to him.

The end.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
I put this article on the backburner for awhile because many of the comments I received made me feel like I was being attacked. But I'll always have passionate opinions on this topic.

Here's an analogy: In my home, I like to keep things clean. Clutter irritates me and gets in the way of my happiness. I also like to take the trash out when the trash can is getting full. Get it?

Same with my brain. I take the trash out. But I've noticed over the past couple decades that my brain filter is broken, so it's easier for me to not let the trash into my mind to begin with. My mind is cleaner. I am not sheltered. I've seen it all, I've done it all, and it's hurt me. My son will not be sheltered because there is no way a human can be sheltered unless their parents are abusing them. I do not shelter or abuse my child. My son will see all the crap in the world, then he will see how his mommy deals with it, and he take what he knows and be able to form his opinions and strategies.

There is a LOT of trash in the world, and dare I say that many people have wallowed in the trash for so long that they've become desensitized to it. I, for one, choose NOT to wallow in the trash by letting others' dirty thoughts get into my head. It's a personal choice I'm making.

My son is free to do what he wants when I'm not around (i.e. when he's with his dad or at a friend's house, etc). Who am I to tell others what to do? Television is my husband & son's drug of choice. I think it's fair to refer to the TV as a drug, at least for the effects it has on the brain. There's the release of tension when TV comes on. Their brains take a back seat and let the TV take over all of their thoughts & feelings. That's fine & great if that's what people choose to do. But I, on the other hand, am reclaiming my life and my brain. I'm physically active, my mind is occupied, and I hope my son may learn by example that TV ought to be a learning tool at best, and avoided during idle times.
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Where in the article did you see the word, "shelter?"


Mainstream children's entertainment, Cable TV, Local TV, Pop culture, Hollywood, newspapers, magazines, billboards, FM radio, AM radio, satellite radio.I'm through with it all.


A world without any of that IS sheltered. That is the reality of the world. The argument can be made that inundating a child with any/all of those things can be bad. I won't argue that point and I also won't argue with you about how you decide to raise your children.

But, cutting it all off completely is sheltering. Regardless of motivations.


Chip,

Yes and no. I won't PAY to bring crap into my home (as is the case with cable and satellite TV, for the most part). That doesn't mean I'm sheltering my kids, it just means I'm making financially responsible choices.

Your argument could be taken to the other extreme very easily, you know