A long journey nears an end
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JoeUser Forums
Just a few words here, following up a bit on my last article: Could you make this decision? Family history, genetic traits, and odds and discussing some family issues for a bit.
In my family, at least as I write this, both of my Grandmothers are still with us, but that is soon not to be the case. Both have lived well into their 80's. They have seen and lived through a lot of various history. Both have been tough in their own ways, though each has their own unique personality and way of looking at life and it's daily trials and tribulations.
The younger of the two, my mothers mom, is now in the hospital having suffered a stroke. This isn't the first, though she recovered from previous ones which were milder in nature. This one comes after having fallen and broken a hip (which she had also recovered from fairly well), and then more recently having fallen and bruised or otherwise severely injured her back and spinal column. In the last several months, she has gone from a tough lady, to one that has obviously had a very tough time. Especially in the last few months, when doctors had warned my parents and family after the fall that hurt her back that she was -- at least in their opinion -- fading fast and not as likely to recover as she had in the past.
Both grandmothers have been widowers for quite some time. My grandfathers passed away in their 60's, just a few years apart from each other. Neither remarried, having each been married for long periods themselves. Both survived those loses in their own ways, with each being the matronly figure for our family and their other children. Family traditions carried on, including regular family dinners on Sundays at "mom mom's" house, and visits to grandma's house as well.
In the next few days that will change again for my family, as mom mom is laying in a hospital bed and fading away. She and my mother talked with the doctor about how to treat her if she wound up in the situation she is in now. She wouldn't sign any DNR (do not resucitate) or other "no heroic measures" type documents, but she did clearly tell the doctor and my mother that she wanted my mother to make the decision for her. The decision my mother has come to is to let her fade as peacefully as possible.
My mother has been assured that my grandmother is never going to be as she was, and at this point is basically non-responsive to any stimuli. She can't speak, can't move half of her body because of the stroke, and can't recognize family members, the doctors, the nurses or any one else. The stroke took away what we knew of my grandmother, and in her place remains a shell of a her former self, physically there, but basically left her only long enough for family members and friends to be able to visit and pay their respects.
I admire my mom for being able to make such a tough decision. It's not one I could easily or maybe ever possibly make. I probably would make the same choice myself if forced to, but I can't guarantee that. I'd rather that my parents do as they have done. Set up living wills and leave other instructions that clearly tell us (the surviving family members) what they want.
Anyway, yet again, this is the kind of decision that I do find very hard to make. Emotions can so badly interfere with logic in such cases. But I will also say this -- these are just the types of decisions that I do not want the government involved in. As seen long ago in discussions and articles about Terri Schiavo, I want family members, spouses and others with direct connections to the victim to make the decisions. I would prefer living wills, documentation and other legally binding materials be available to show clearly what the decision is or should be. I most definitely do not want someone that has no direct ties to the family deciding that death with dignity is not an option.
Thanks for reading this article, and please feel free to discuss issues raised here-in if you wish. As to my family and our pending loss, please do not be too concerned. Again, my grandmother has lived a long and filling life. Though there are a few things I wish were different in the last few months for her and my family, there are two things humans can't normally control -- when we are born, and when we die. We don't normally know in advance that the end is coming quickly, and we're aren't normally able to send up a flare that tells the family to gather around to get in one final visit where we'll remember a victim as they were, rather than as they wind up after they start to leave this life behind.
Personally, I'm just very grateful for the many wonderful years my family has enjoyed having my grandmother around to be with. I'm lucky enough to remember great grandparents (except my father's grandfather), though only barely as all of them passed away before my teen years. My own children are lucky enough to have lived into their teens with bother of my grandmothers alive to see them and enjoy each others company. That means more to me than many other things I could ever think of.
In my family, at least as I write this, both of my Grandmothers are still with us, but that is soon not to be the case. Both have lived well into their 80's. They have seen and lived through a lot of various history. Both have been tough in their own ways, though each has their own unique personality and way of looking at life and it's daily trials and tribulations.
The younger of the two, my mothers mom, is now in the hospital having suffered a stroke. This isn't the first, though she recovered from previous ones which were milder in nature. This one comes after having fallen and broken a hip (which she had also recovered from fairly well), and then more recently having fallen and bruised or otherwise severely injured her back and spinal column. In the last several months, she has gone from a tough lady, to one that has obviously had a very tough time. Especially in the last few months, when doctors had warned my parents and family after the fall that hurt her back that she was -- at least in their opinion -- fading fast and not as likely to recover as she had in the past.
Both grandmothers have been widowers for quite some time. My grandfathers passed away in their 60's, just a few years apart from each other. Neither remarried, having each been married for long periods themselves. Both survived those loses in their own ways, with each being the matronly figure for our family and their other children. Family traditions carried on, including regular family dinners on Sundays at "mom mom's" house, and visits to grandma's house as well.
In the next few days that will change again for my family, as mom mom is laying in a hospital bed and fading away. She and my mother talked with the doctor about how to treat her if she wound up in the situation she is in now. She wouldn't sign any DNR (do not resucitate) or other "no heroic measures" type documents, but she did clearly tell the doctor and my mother that she wanted my mother to make the decision for her. The decision my mother has come to is to let her fade as peacefully as possible.
My mother has been assured that my grandmother is never going to be as she was, and at this point is basically non-responsive to any stimuli. She can't speak, can't move half of her body because of the stroke, and can't recognize family members, the doctors, the nurses or any one else. The stroke took away what we knew of my grandmother, and in her place remains a shell of a her former self, physically there, but basically left her only long enough for family members and friends to be able to visit and pay their respects.
I admire my mom for being able to make such a tough decision. It's not one I could easily or maybe ever possibly make. I probably would make the same choice myself if forced to, but I can't guarantee that. I'd rather that my parents do as they have done. Set up living wills and leave other instructions that clearly tell us (the surviving family members) what they want.
Anyway, yet again, this is the kind of decision that I do find very hard to make. Emotions can so badly interfere with logic in such cases. But I will also say this -- these are just the types of decisions that I do not want the government involved in. As seen long ago in discussions and articles about Terri Schiavo, I want family members, spouses and others with direct connections to the victim to make the decisions. I would prefer living wills, documentation and other legally binding materials be available to show clearly what the decision is or should be. I most definitely do not want someone that has no direct ties to the family deciding that death with dignity is not an option.
Thanks for reading this article, and please feel free to discuss issues raised here-in if you wish. As to my family and our pending loss, please do not be too concerned. Again, my grandmother has lived a long and filling life. Though there are a few things I wish were different in the last few months for her and my family, there are two things humans can't normally control -- when we are born, and when we die. We don't normally know in advance that the end is coming quickly, and we're aren't normally able to send up a flare that tells the family to gather around to get in one final visit where we'll remember a victim as they were, rather than as they wind up after they start to leave this life behind.
Personally, I'm just very grateful for the many wonderful years my family has enjoyed having my grandmother around to be with. I'm lucky enough to remember great grandparents (except my father's grandfather), though only barely as all of them passed away before my teen years. My own children are lucky enough to have lived into their teens with bother of my grandmothers alive to see them and enjoy each others company. That means more to me than many other things I could ever think of.
