The insensitive dad..

adventures in parenting..

from JoeUser Forums

My younger son isn't doing so well with his academic career.  At least so far.  Luckily, it's just kindergarten.  But according to his teacher, he's at the very bottom of his class in both numbers and letters. 

He's 5.  And can only count to 13.  Can't spell his name and hasn't quite gotten the whole alphabet down.  The teacher explained this to us in our parent-teacher conference.

I asked, "Well, is it possible that he's...well...you know..just..dumb?" 

Once I regained consciousness, my wife suggested I not take that path.  So we've been working on helping him get up to speed more.  In a couple of days, he's up to counting to 30 and can spell his name.  But it's been more of a struggle. 

His older brother was reading at 3 on his own.  We didn't teach him or anything, he just sort of "picked it up".  So it's proving to be a real challenge in trying to bring the little guy up to par on these matters.  I actually don't think he's dumb.  If I had to guess, I'd say he was just developing at a slightly slower pace than the other kids.  I had similar issues when I was a kid, I was a slow learner and didn't get really caught up until 5th grade. 

At least it was caught early.  We have good teachers in our school district and they were able to bring his letter and number issues up to us matter of factly without any attempt to arm-chair diagnose or even jumping to any conclusions at all other than to provide us with some materials that might help us help him at home.  She said later in the year we can see how he's progressing and try to figure out what the best course is at that point.

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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top

Our youngest had the same problem.  Still does, to a certain extent.

His bro and sis are smarter than average.  Read early, counted early....one's in talented and gifted full time, the other is in advanced classes in junior high.  Jake had a tough act to follow...and he hasn't.  He's average.  It takes him longer to 'get' stuff than it takes his siblings.  He's a hard worker, and once he 'gets' something he does well and makes B's and A's, but boy it's hard work to get him there.

I think that it might be the same with your little boy.  He's just not as quick to learn as his brother and he's taking longer to get the hang of things.  Sometimes when I'm working with Jake I can see the frustration on his face turn to surprise and excitement when he finally gets the hang of what I'm telling him.  The look on his face....it's fantastic.

I hope that you get to experience the same with your youngest.

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
My youngest is not speaking well enough for his age right now......I've done TONS of research on this and delayed learning or speaking and even motor abilities does tend to run in families.

So if he is like you were then you can expect the same kind of thing from him.......however, now days teachers are trained to see it early and most likely he will catch up long before 5th grade.

In Ohio we have a really awesome program called early intervention. My son goes twice a week to help with talking.

When you have a delayed learner of any sort, it sucks. It means A LOT of extra work for the parents...and I hate teaching nuts and bolts. I don't have the patience for it.

Just keep plugging away at it though, and eventually you can expect him to catch up just like you did....but probably sooner because he is getting help you most likely didn't.

Good luck, I feel your angst!
Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I went through similar things with my two daughters...oldest one talked, walked, counted, read, etc. at an early age. When our next daughter came along, we expected similar results. We expected the same from Savannah based on the results with the first, but she was considerably slower hitting each milestone. There were times when we wondered whether something was wrong. Once she started school, we shesitantly started talking to teachers about how she was doing. I say hesitantly because we'd been fearing for some time that she was "slow". Much to our delight, the teachers told us that she was doing fine, compared to others her age. She definitely wasn't near the head of the class, but far from the rear. Also, she never really seemed to love school when she was younger, like Brooke did. Now at age 12 she seems to have caught up and is a slightly better than average student now and enjoys school. The sad thing is that Brooke, who is now 14 no longer likes school and is not nearly as advanced in her studies as she used to be. At the rate things are going, I suspect that before long they will be equals intellectually. So in the end, it just seems that Brooke got off to a fast start and Savannah took a bit to hit her stride.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

My Oldest son did not speak until he was 5.  He did not have to as my daughter and wife would get him anything he wanted by him just grunting.

He graduated highschool 2 years ago, 5th in his class.  He is like me, lazy!  He could have been Valedictorian.  If the problem persists, I can see cause for alarm.  But the Second seems to take an opposite tack from the first to demonstrate their individuality.  But the fact he learned so fast indicates more stubbornness than an inability to learn.

I am glad you have good teachers.  My second daughter had a problem in Kindergarten and the teacher never indicated one. SHe was a lousy teacher.  But we held my daughter back in first grade because she was not getting it.  She will be a senior next year and has made honor roll ever since.

Best of luck with your son.

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
My son now 6 is quite good in school, can count and spell above average, but his sister at 5 has to struggle with everything. Only yesterday my wife attended the parent teacher meeting and was informed about her lack of interest in reading and maths. I believe it's all due to us the parents not spending enough time with them. The first child born get all the attention when it comes to new tasks. First to go to school, first to do sports etc. The next child lives in their shadow always trying to compete with the other. One year between them gives the eldest an advantage but try explaining this to a 5 year old.

I believe if you give them enough time and encourage them they will soon catch up and eventually climb into the above everage box. Children who work hard from an early age to achieve carry that forward into life and do well. The ones who put in little efford and achieve good results will only ever achieve good results and not push themselfs to newer heights.

Don't worry about your son but give him a bit of encouragement and I'm sure he will soon shock you.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
My oldest son was dyslexic, which was something that wasn't caught until he was 8.  It really was amazing how dramatic the turn around was when we were able to figure out exactly why he hated to read and do math, and other things of the sort.  Good luck to you Brad in helping your children become adults.  I'm having to do much the same sort of thing again with my sister's child, and I got to tell you, even after having done it three times already, it's still difficult.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Draginol,

You're so thorough, I am sure that you've made sure there are no vision/hearing issues that could be causing interference. Other than that our individual physical, emotional, and intellectual maturities don't develop in sync with each other nor the rest of our class. So sometimes it's very helpful to take a longer range perspective than the grade level expectations do.

Other influences on performance can be familial/personal expectations, high pressure environments, attentiveness, general attitude towards school, and preference of learning modality.

Either that or take the grain of salt.....

Heydre
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Actually, I wouldnt be too worried at all. I taught K last year and I had some kids who were at that level and they just blossomed in the middle and towards the end of the year. As far as counting...hmmm, try and see where the teacher wants him to be at the end of the year, that can really put things in perspectives. If he gets report card, see if there are the expectations on there. For each semester, I had to teach to different expectations and standards.

As far as counting...couting is great, but its not too hard to do because its just auditory memorization. Try asking him not just to count up to x number...but ask him something like....what comes after 20?

Ask comprehension questions...read him a short paragraph that has tidbits of information. One story I read last year was about a boy getting ready for bed and then afterwards I asked four comprehension questions to see if they could remeber what color tooth paste he used, what his name was...etc.

Make up flashcards with numbers too so he can connect the visual with the auditory, so he can see a 15 and say '15'...etc. show numbers out of sequence...etc.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
>I asked, "Well, is it possible that he's...well...you know..just..dumb?"

No surprise there.
The apple didnt fall too far from the tree eh
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

No surprise there.
The apple didnt fall too far from the tree eh

Thank you for allowing me to completely ignore you from now on and delete anything you post on my blog.  Jackass.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

 Well, according to a teacher on here, there aren't any "stupid" kids, so that must not be the problem

No surprise there.
The apple didnt fall too far from the tree eh

what a maroon.......

 

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
...or "stupid" teachers, to hear him tell it


Haha (gag)...Thanksgiving already? Damn...I missed it.

Karma wasnt talking about me.

I personally dont think there are stupid kids.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Neither was I.


Yep, figured youd say that. lol.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

 

...or "stupid" teachers, to hear him tell it.

Karma wasnt talking about me.

Neither was I.
 

When I read what she wrote, I assumed the "he" she was referring to was Brad, due to this quote from the article: "So we've been working on helping him get up to speed more.  In a couple of days, he's up to counting to 30 and can spell his name."

And, of course I wasn't referring to you.  LW knows who I am referring to, and maybe a couple others, but until SHE posted an article spazzing about it again, I doubt hardly anyone even knew who I was referring to.  It's one of those she "doth protest too much" type situations.  It was also a bit of a test to see if she is learning or not........ so predictable.

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
but until SHE posted an article spazzing about it again,


lol...man, Id like to say something here, but Id probably get confined as well. Say what you want, as long as you dont disagree with certain people.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

Say what you want, as long as you dont disagree with certain people.

Oh, please.  Anyone can disagree with me until they are blue in the face.  It's when you start posting articles digging up from other articles and insulting people that it gets into "moderation".  Even people who have been accused as being an "ass kisser" to the admins have been on confinement in the past.  If you want to believe that there is a bias here, you can keep in your delusional world.  But, there isn't.  Plenty of people have had raging disagreements with me and lived to tell about it.  LOL  Jeez...this just gets more predictable and funnier the longer it goes on........

And, the fact still remains that people didn't know who I was referring to until she posted that article.  Enough said.  Classic "victim" response.

And, this is very off topic, so I won't respond to any other "off topic" discussions on this thread.

 

Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
And, this is very off topic, so I won't respond to any other "off topic" discussions on this thread.


Yep, figures.

Hey, I dont care, Im not going to kiss your ass. I write what I write. If you dont like it, then fine, get over it...dont read and move on. If Im on YOUR blog, then you can blacklist me. I dont see any reason for an admin to go in and push their weight aroud because someone told them to stop acting all high and mighty and back off. IF there is a clear violation of the TOU, then MAYBE there is a reason to confine someone for a certain amount of time, but I dont see a reason for confining someone, no matter who it is for such a long period of time (outside of the extreme). I guess...maybe if I was the one with the red button...I could, too, sit and giggle because Im the controlling one, but alas, I am not.

If my girlfriend is a victim...its more of a victim of utter uber stupidity on the part of people who dont like her arguing.

Do I think there is a bias? lol...holy crap. Where do I start? You can go back in my blogs and read the crap that people have said against me / us on here and what happens from you? I dont even get a wiff of a brain fart of a warning to anyone (including myself...even though I havent resorted to the depths people have taken on here to insult me). Then, someone tells you to stop acting so...higher up and haughty, you turn on the disco music and start singing to the tune of "Freak out," and confine her for what has been now around two months. WTF?

If you want to believe that there is a bias...there isn't.

It was also a bit of a test to see if she is learning or not........ so predictable.

testing her? Karma is weilding the power of the little red button...looking down from above, testing those to see if they are worthy to resume posting and commenting on other blogs. You want to see if she is learning? Way to go and act like a disciplinarian. She has only made like 20 freakin threads this month alone. It helps when you want to see, if you open your eyes up and look.

It just really sucks that she cant respond to anyone...like your side comments on here. You can say what you want and she cant reply to you at all. Bias?? Nooo, of course not. Thats one way to deal with something...lock them up, talk about them so they can hear you, but cant say anything...isnt that sneaky? 'teehee'

Its been two months....people make mistakes and the like...its called life, get over it. She even apologized, something of a rarity on here. If people dont want to hear her or whatever, that is their business as keepers of their own blog...they can blacklist who they want.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Brad,
Sorry for my last post...not related at all to your thread.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well I have a child in 2nd grade. I feel my biggest mistake was to move to Puerto Rico when he was in pre-k. The school would not put him in Kinder due to his age but as long as he was in school I was fine. How ever due to financial problems I moved to PR to see if I could get back on my feet. Don't get me wrong, he gets good grades, just that the education system here in PR is far behind the US. He is only starting to learn how to write in second grade and he still has difficulties reading. We are partially responsible for not putting more time into teaching him at home as well. But I promise that will change. Even though we have been here for 2 years, he was only 5 when we moved here, he has not forgotten his English language and he picked up Spanish as well. Still things here in PR are too political. The Govt has their hands in everything and they suck at it. My younger son, age 2, will soon join the education system and I fear that his abilities will not be fully used. PR lacks a good education system and the teachers don't really care much for the students. It's a paycheck as far as most of them are concerned.

I plan on moving back to the States. Going to West Palm Beach FL and I will do everything within my power to make sure that both of my kids get a good education and make the most of it. My older son, now 7, is really good with PCs, I've been putting him behind one for years with children's learning programs that have helped a lot and I plan on doing the same with my younger son as well. I also make sure they get a good taste of education shows on TV as well. I figure if they gonna watch cartoons might as well learn while they do it. I admit to slacking off a bit with my kids before and worrying more about some me time. But no more. My kids are first and it's one of the main reasons for moving back to the States.

I believe I could have done better in life, people seem to think that I am very intelligent and can't seem to figure out why I work in mediocre jobs instead of being in a better position like maybe a manager in a big company or working with computers, which I seem to be gifted with, or something better that pays really good. Well I did got to school in PR for 8 years and it didn't seem to do me any good. So I also plan on going to school and get myself a computer related diploma or degree.

Keep up the good work Draginol, I'm sure your kids will do great as long as they have parents who care. It gives me faith that there is still hope for humanity. These types of articles make me look at myself and realize that some things do need to change in my life and I plan to do just that.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top

I admit to slacking off a bit with my kids before and worrying more about some me time.

Yeah, that is a bit hard.  It's hard to juggle time with your kids, work, all the stuff you have to get done, and still get in some "sanity" time.  No parent is perfect.  All you can do is keep trying.

..........

Ziggy, why not try and discuss what this article is about instead of your ulterior motive?

 

 

Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Brad...I don't think you're an "insensitive dad". Some kids just learn at a different pace. Some here might argue that that makes your son "stupid," but it just means that it'll click when it'll click. I have kids that are "clicking" in reading right now and it'll take other kids till the middle of the year, the end of the year, or maybe not even till next year. Practice 15 minutes a night and he'll get there. And in primary...chronological age is very related to achievement. My kids who are summer or late spring birthdays tend to be later bloomers, too. He'll get there. It's too soon to freak out about it yet.
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top

Brad...I don't think you're an "insensitive dad".

Someone got off restriction!  Congratulations lady!  Please post away on all you think!  Finally!

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Someone got off restriction! Congratulations lady! Please post away on all you think! Finally!


Thanks to Brad and Dharma! SOme people like to keep throwing things in my face, and continue arguments way past their "funness" just to keep me in jail. Whatever!

DG...the more i talk to you the more you remind me of my dad. That's a compliment.
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top

DG...the more i talk to you the more you remind me of my dad. That's a compliment.

I'll take it that way, even tho I 'splained' to others that I am a lousy father figure!

Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Someone got off restriction! Congratulations lady! Please post away on all you think! Finally!


Congrats!

Brad, I laughed out loud when I read "Well, is it possible that he's...well...you know..just..dumb?" Priceless...

As for the off-topic thing... I'm just glad not to be the center of this spat. In retrospect, I was probably overreacting much of the time that I felt that Karma and Brad were overcensoring; it just feels that way when you feel like your ability to express your opinions are in jeapardy.

Dan