Regrets of the Past

...and Resolutions for the Future

from JoeUser Forums
My brother could have been a scientist (he was a brilliant kid), or a paleontologist, or a musical composer. He's shown amazing interest in those areas. As for myself, could have become an accomplished gymnast, a scholar, or an all-around pleasant person.

But my brother & I grew up to be mediocre citizens, and often less than that. We can thank our parents who didn't nurture our talents, or even notice them. Rather than nurture us, our parents squashed us down like bugs, verbally reminded us how worthless we were, and they never looked back. If someone had noticed our #$&*ed-up family, and these two brilliant, promising kids who were being beaten to little pulps, maybe my brother would have come up with a cure for AIDS, discovered the dinosaur of dinosaurs, and composed the musical masterpiece to dwarf all others. Maybe I would be a former olympic athelete, a Harvard graduate, and an all-around philanthropist today.

Anyway, without looking back...

I hereby resolve to know my little son as well as he knows himself for all the years I raise him. Without being overbearing, I'll love him and care for him through every decision he makes and through every talent he discovers and pursues. He'll never have a doubt in his mind that I am there for him at any moment. When he wants me to bug off, I'll take a back seat so he can grow. I'll watch to see his different strengths & talents develop; I'll encourage him through social settings, educational settings, spiritual growth, athletic endeavors...I'll encourage him every step of the way. If I ever see that something's *not-quite-right* I will address it and we will fix it immediately so that little things won't be given a chance to snowball.

He is so perfect right now. I now see that every child deserves nothing less than to grow up educated, well-adjusted, and physically & emotionally healthy. But more than anything, every child deserves to be loved.

Why are so many adults messed-up? Perhaps in large part because of crappy parents. Well, I'm gonna learn from others' past mistakes, and my son is going to be as near perfect as possible. He deserves nothing less.
2,972 views 5 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
yes yes and yes, breaking the chains of an abusive household {your parents} is A GREAT thing to do. Good on you angela.

ANGELA}}} 1/2 hug my left arm hurts.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
1/2 hug my left arm hurts.
Hehe. Funny you should say that. My left arm hurts too.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
You rock, you are breaking the cycle in your family and that will show over God knows how many generations, keep up the awesome work with your son!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I also think of life-happens. Link As a child she went through MUCH worse crap than I did (I don't even want to imagine it), but she came out so STRONG!!! People are different. Life-happens must have worn a kevlar shield when her parents were squashing her. She's breaking the cycle in her family, and yeah I'm trying hard to do better for my son too, if only from a slightly-squashed position.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

I know what you mean to a degree.  But be careful not to push too hard.  That was my problem.  Knowing when to back off and just say "you did your best".  That is hard.  Knowing that point.  And there are no rules for it.

You see, I am the opposite.  My mother was deprived as she was denied a scholarship because of a nasty comment she made about a nun (catholic School), and then her parents were hit with a child with Polio.  So she never went to College.  So she pushed me.  From the moment of birth, I was the one, always the one.  I never got praise for grades, an atta boy or a wow.  only "you can do better".  You are not trying.

Yes, I was the first in my family to go to college, and the first to graduate (only 1 cousin and a sister have since done so).  But it was not fun.  So with mine, as bright as they are, I encourage them, but dont berate them.  And finding how much to push and when to stop is something I have not mastered yet.  And my youngest (of 4) is in 7th grade.

best of luck to you!