So my 18-yr old Sister-in-Law is With Child

from JoeUser Forums
My first reaction to this bit of news I received from my sleepy husband at 5am...was, "Hope she had fun getting pregnant. It's downhill from there."

Well, that was a typically cynical statement from my mouth...but after more reflection I've come up with this attitude:

Although she's poor and living with her mother on welfare (at best) and shacking up with her boyfriend in her bedroom, and barely just graduated from high school, and living in a small, go-nowhere town...there is yet hope.

I heard a wise thing on an Oprah rerun the other day. Merely being born as a female in the United States makes a person very, very fortunate. And such is her case. That may be all she has going for her, but somehow when I see other people's plights, I feel a spark of optimistic hope...for them and for myself. I don't know why, but I do. Things are always clearer from a distance. Often times of trouble bring the greatest changes for the better. I hope.
3,040 views 7 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, sounds like she in for some trying times ahead. One thing I know for sure is this: Its never to late to try to succeed.

In the US there is a lot of oppertunity and since she is on welfare, she should use THAT oppertunity to make something of herself. There are trade schools like Licoln tech, Gibbs and others that will give her a education without the stigma of memorization of history notes and math problems she won't use.


Plant the seed in her head (whether she gets it now or 10 years later is of no consciquence) that she is now being given an oppertunity to do something with herself.

Social programs at work... she should take this as a chance to move forward. Considering her age, she might not move anywhere until 23 after some more hardships, but if you plant the seed in her mind now about what she can do using the help she is recieving (and a little hustle hustle elbow grease), she can be earning 30,000 by 27.

We all make mistakes, take the wrong risk or whatever. Its not about when you fall, it is about how fast you can get up and move forward.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I got pregnant as a senior in high school. I now am happily married, have a Bachelor's Degree, two beautiful children, a comfortable home filled with things my family loves, enough food to feed several families, a nice late model ('05, even) vehicle, and the option of staying home to raise my children.

It has been rough getting to this point, but the struggle has taught me so much and has made me a stronger person.

Please encourage your niece. She will get enough condemnation from other people. Give her all the love and guidance you can. An unplanned pregnancy does not destroy her potential...it gives her even more reason to succeed.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Merely being born as a female in the United States makes a person very, very fortunate.

As Texas Wahine just pointed out she is far from being disadvantaged here in these United States... take heart:)

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for all of your insights. And oops, she's so young that I forgot who she is...she's actually my sister-in-law. hehe. I'm now editing the title from the original "So my 18-year-old Niece is With Child." However, being a pregnant sister-in-law sounds quite conventional. She is an adult, after all. I wish her the best.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
My Sister was there almost 30 years ago.  SHe is not Mrs. Rockefeller, but she has raised 2 girls and is doing ok.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
She will get enough condemnation from other people


Love her no matter what you think of her choices. That will be one of the things that she will remember later....that you loved her enough to put your personal opinion aside.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Back in the olden days women started having children as soon as they were biologically capable. It was perfectly normal. So another side of me is always wondering why our sexually-driven teenagers today are expected to keep their legs crossed and their pants zipped up for oh, so many unbearable years...by the time most of us are financially and educationally-established enough to greet children into the world properly...well it just seems unnatural to hold back all of that powerful, youthful lust. If people in the olden days had waited as long as we're expected to wait to have children, they would have lived out their lives before raising their children (life span equaled 30 years, at best). I wonder why we don't pack kindergarten-high school into 12 years (a whole other story: making schooling more productive and not as lengthy), then let the kids do university from the age of 13-16, and if babies are produced, then great! Everyone's happy, no one is frowned upon. Yes, there is one side of me who feels that children are kept children way too long these days. I felt like a woman when I was 10. I was wiser than my own mother. But I was treated like a child, so a child I remained. I guess I harbor some resentment toward early moms nowadays because society so frowns upon teen moms and welfare and children who are born into hopeless situations, and because I'm jealous that I didn't know how to have fun as a teenager. I still don't know how to have fun. I tried so dang hard to avoid men for so so so so so so long because I'd been taught that pregnancy was bad, therefore men were bad. I rarely liked what I saw anyway. A handful of my female cousins had children when they were 16 or so, and I resolved that would never happen to me. So I avoided men like the plague for nearly a decade before I realized that I'd just wasted 10 precious childbearing years. So I had a kid when I was 28 and realized that I wish I'd done it 10 years earlier. Hmmph. So in a peculiar way I admire (and am envious of) people who are unashamed of their sexuality at such a young age. It is, after all, quite natural and wonderful to have children. My sister-in-law will be fine. I won't give her any flack. I hardly even know her.