Everything happens
But does it happen for a reason?
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Sometimes I do think that everything happens for a reason. There's a reason we were late to an appointment, or there is a reason we didn't go shopping that particular night, or something. I don't know if I can call it fate or destiny or just timing, but things do seem to happen for a reason. A good friend said that to me the other day and I've been pondering on it ever since. Is there a reason for everything? Or, is it just that sometimes the deeper reason you're hoping to find isn't there and you just make it up out of blind terror - because the only reason there is the superficial one.
There is so much going on in my life right now. I've been running the whole spectrum of emotions lately... depression, joy, anger, tranquility, despair, happiness... you name it, I've felt it here lately. It's not even because my life is this whole huge roller coaster, cause it's not. It's pretty stable. There are a few new elements, but otherwise my whole life has been coasting on auto-pilot for several months now. Maybe that's the reason. Maybe I'm due for a shake up because I've been too comfortable, so something has to change it. I tried to kill myself a week or two ago, and ever since then I've been uber-afraid of letting myself look into my heart. I'm just afraid the next time I do I won't necessarily stop myself. So now I'm afraid of seeing inside... afraid of finding out what I'm really feeling. And I don't know why.
Maybe that's the reason. Maybe I'm going through all of these changes so that I can feel like a stronger person - a person that's capable of undergoing what's probably about to happen in my life. I can feel it on the wind my friends, there is most definately something afoot. And I'm so terrified that I'm not going to like it one bit. I'm probably being needlessly messianic at this point, trying to find a reason that there is so much upheaval going on in my life. Nevertheless, I am afraid.
Life. Who knew it could be so complicated? I mean, I could've swore that someone said there was an instruction manual somewhere... a nice little booklet complete with diagrams. Pictures are so very helpful afterall.
I've been beat down and pushed around and all sorts of things that I don't ever want to have to admit to. I've literally been through hell and back all in one night. I've come out the other side and I still don't see a light. I'm not sure there is one out there for me. So, the best I can do is stumble around the dark and hope the hand I grab to lead me through is a friend, and not a monster. I've certainly had my fill of monsters now, but even still, here they are attacking me.
There is so much going on in my life right now. I've been running the whole spectrum of emotions lately... depression, joy, anger, tranquility, despair, happiness... you name it, I've felt it here lately. It's not even because my life is this whole huge roller coaster, cause it's not. It's pretty stable. There are a few new elements, but otherwise my whole life has been coasting on auto-pilot for several months now. Maybe that's the reason. Maybe I'm due for a shake up because I've been too comfortable, so something has to change it. I tried to kill myself a week or two ago, and ever since then I've been uber-afraid of letting myself look into my heart. I'm just afraid the next time I do I won't necessarily stop myself. So now I'm afraid of seeing inside... afraid of finding out what I'm really feeling. And I don't know why.
Maybe that's the reason. Maybe I'm going through all of these changes so that I can feel like a stronger person - a person that's capable of undergoing what's probably about to happen in my life. I can feel it on the wind my friends, there is most definately something afoot. And I'm so terrified that I'm not going to like it one bit. I'm probably being needlessly messianic at this point, trying to find a reason that there is so much upheaval going on in my life. Nevertheless, I am afraid.
Life. Who knew it could be so complicated? I mean, I could've swore that someone said there was an instruction manual somewhere... a nice little booklet complete with diagrams. Pictures are so very helpful afterall.
I've been beat down and pushed around and all sorts of things that I don't ever want to have to admit to. I've literally been through hell and back all in one night. I've come out the other side and I still don't see a light. I'm not sure there is one out there for me. So, the best I can do is stumble around the dark and hope the hand I grab to lead me through is a friend, and not a monster. I've certainly had my fill of monsters now, but even still, here they are attacking me.
I encourage them!