Husband Pet Peeve #9345908735791348

from JoeUser Forums
I needed a chair to stand on to reach something way up high because I'm short. I reach for the chair. Aaah, yes, as usual my husband has used it as a place to store his clothes. I throw his clothes on the floor, then use my chair to stand on. He wakes up two hours later, "What happened here?"

"I needed that chair to reach something way up high, and I got mad that your clothes were there so I threw them on the floor. Chairs are for butts [and standing on], not clothes."

So he picks up his clothes, folds them and puts them back on the chair.

"Hang them in your closet." I say. (I periodically organize his closet for him, and he is aware that it's a place to put his clothes.)

"No," he says.

Well, let me do it for you then. As I patiently hang his clothes up I say, "If it's too hard for you to do, every day when you come home from work, call to me and say, 'Honey, I'm ready for you to hang my clothes.' And I will gladly do it for you."

I tried to mean that, but I think it came across sarcastically. I want everything to go smoothly and I don't want any bitterness in the family to stem from me because I'm selfish and unwilling to clean up after people. Cleaning up after my husband is my job, right? I clean up after myself (I am very messy), I clean up after my baby, so of course I should clean up after my husband who is very messy too. I want to do everything right and not feel bitter about anything.
2,324 views 10 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
My wife and I go 'round and 'round over clothing and their proper storage.
If I wear something and it's not dirty enough to wash, I hang it neatly over a rocker in our bedroom, to wear again before washing. I do not want to hang it back in my closet because those clothes are clean....same goes for shoes, I park what I wore under my dresser for a day or two before replacing in the closet because I want them to air out, and I do not want my closet to smell like a gym locker.

She on the other hand will wear something for an hour, and then throw it in the dirty clothes, and then complain about the volume of washing required in our household, our daughter has picked up this habit as well.

So it goes..........
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Frankly, every person needs their space. If your husband wants a disorganized environment, there's no harm in it if it's in an area not viewed by regular visitors.

My wife and I have an understanding along those lines. If it is on my desk or in my study space, it is to be left alone. I am content with it the way it is and her attempts at "organization" have only ended in me losing items, often items that are much needed.

My suggestion? Relax...and ask yourself if the issue is really important in the long run.
Multiplicity - Control multiple PCs using one keyboard and mouse
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
*Sigh*

Our home is *very* small, so organization and use of every little space is essential. I *am* relaxed about this. I blog for venting purposes. And my husband reads my blogs, which straightens him out. He's not particular about organization. Without me, he'd just throw things all over the place. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. But as a family of three in *very* close quarters, we've got to keep things tidy.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

And my husband reads my blogs, which straightens him out.

That's an odd statement. 

I've noticed that a lot of your blogs seem to be about having a happy family.  One of the things that I have learned during my 9 years of marriage is that happiness starts with not trying to change somebody.  If you want clothes hung up, hang them up.  If he sees nothing wrong with leaving them on the chair (he was probably as annoyed with you taking them off the chair as you were with them being on the chair) then you can't expect him to change because you want him to.

Trying to change somebody will only make you (and them) unhappy.

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh, trust me. He changes. 180 degrees. He's standing right behind me as I write this (literally). He's changed for the better since we met. He was a wild, lawless teenager when we met, and now he's a church-going, law-abiding man and an awesome daddy. It's a good thing. Trust me. I don't ask him to change anything that doesn't need changing. His super-hero power is CHANGING. haha. We joke about what our super-hero powers are. My superpower is being ANNOYING. We all get along though. It's all goooooooood.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I don't ask him to change anything that doesn't need changing.

Who is the one that decides that, though?  What happens if he wakes up one morning and decides that he really doesn't want to be the person that you "changed" him to be? 

Why did you marry him if he needed to be changed so much?  And, how much can a person change before they become fake and are merely pretending to be what you want them to be?

 

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
on the weekends he should help out, wives and mommies need a little break now and then too!


Yep, we certainly do! And bless that husband who does it without complaining or being asked to!

Who is the one that decides that, though? What happens if he wakes up one morning and decides that he really doesn't want to be the person that you "changed" him to be?


In a manner of speaking, I don't think it matters who asks the other person to change Karma. In a marriage, (as you know being married) two people do things to please each other and do things to try to complement each other so as to have a good relationship.

Most times the wife is the organizer, the one who makes sure everything goes smoothly in the household. Some husbands have to do this too if their wives are not the "housewifey" type. So, if the fact that a husband is very messy and his wife is constantly cleaning up after him, will eventually get very tiresome. When the wife leaves the mess around for days, then the husband hopefully will get a clue and not be so messy. And this is where he changes his behavior for the better!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

So, if the fact that a husband is very messy and his wife is constantly cleaning up after him, will eventually get very tiresome. When the wife leaves the mess around for days, then the husband hopefully will get a clue and not be so messy. And this is where he changes his behavior for the better!

Wow...I hope that I never end up talking about my husband like that.  It sounds like you're talking about teaching a child how to take care of their own stuff or something.  In my marriage, neither one of us has asked the other to change.  We do work when it needs to be done.  Sometimes I clean, sometimes he does.  If it bothers one of us, we take care of it.  I can't think of anything that I have "changed" with my husband, or that I would even want him to change because *I* wanted him to change.  I also don't believe that you should change things you do to "please" another person.  We're together because we already were happy with each other as we were.  Neither one of us are perfect, and we know that.  But, that is part of who we are.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh boy, I got caught in the JU warp again! The long-winded response didn't take and is now lost!! I'll try again!

In my marriage, neither one of us has asked the other to change. We do work when it needs to be done. Sometimes I clean, sometimes he does. If it bothers one of us, we take care of it.


Good for you Karma. While this might be the opposite for some people. Some men, and note I said some, not all, are not this way though. If they didn't learn to keep house - so to speak - when they were younger, they don't realize that helping around the home would be of help to their spouse. Some men don't have to be asked, like yours, and mine too, and that's great. But for others, you have to bring their attention to it.

My husband is at home during the day and he cooks because he's home, does laundry, although I beg him to let it stay until the end of the week so I can do it just one time (not everyday so as to save the electricity) he doesn't listen and continues so I leave him alone. He does things around the home a lot without being asked and I appreciate that very much. He was like that as a youth growing up helping his mom and remains the same as an adult.

So I guess if the man in question never learnt to help himself around the home, even if it was as an adult living on his own, then there definately would be problems with him being messy.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
My wife and I go 'round and 'round over clothing and their proper storage. If I wear something and it's not dirty enough to wash, I hang it neatly over a rocker in our bedroom, to wear again before washing. I do not want to hang it back in my closet because those clothes are clean....same goes for shoes, I park what I wore under my dresser for a day or two before replacing in the closet because I want them to air out, and I do not want my closet to smell like a gym locker.She on the other hand will wear something for an hour, and then throw it in the dirty clothes, and then complain about the volume of washing required in our household, our daughter has picked up this habit as well.


I can't seem to forget the above quote. At the moment I'm swamped with laundry chores once again. Over a course of 3 days of a little housekeeping neglect, every room in the house is strewn with clothing. Dirty clothes. Clean clothes. Clothes that have been worn once, but could be worn again.

And it is my privilege as a housewife to sort it all out and make this home sparkle again. Ugh.

I have a brain, but apparently some womens' brains end up being dedicated to such demeaning, mindless work. For at least a portion of the day. Such as it is.

In short, here's my solution to the three categories of clothing in our crazy household:

Dirty clothes. They go in the Laundry room.

Clean clothes. They are to be put away neatly

IN-BETWEEN clothes, i.e. they've been worn once but maybe for only an hour or two. They are to be given their own home in a separate closet, so as to avoid cross-contaminating the perfectly clean clothes.

It bothers me when I open my closet, and instead of receiving a rush of fresh fabric-softener clean breeze, I am accosted with that half-clean, worn-once smell. That's not fair to the clean ones.

I hereby sign off to continue and complete my slavery of the day. Later I hope to elevate my mind to more interesting things.