Hmmmm
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JoeUser Forums
I got up to listen to General Conference, only to find that my husband already had the page open, and the player ready to go. He must have watched it before he went to bed last night. Being half way around the world from Salt Lake City really throws me off. When conference starts on Saturday morning, it's not a live event for us until Saturday evening. Then come Sunday morning, the best we can do is watch Saturday's sessions until the next live one comes on...Sunday evening. Not that I felt like sitting in church or in front of my computer on this gorgeous spring weekend. But somehow, to assuage the guilt I felt for bailing out on General Conference, I slept a whole awful lot this weekend. We all did. Of course our car is busted and is in the shop, so we couldn't get ourselves to church even if we'd wanted to. Somehow I don't think we would've gone to church anyway. If we had, it would have been begrudgingly...but once we get there, we're always glad we did.
I woke up at 3am. I felt filthy & cold & my breath was rancid. So I took a shower & brushed my teeth. I feel better. It's 4am now. I woke up with overwhelming feelings of sin. I'm wallowing in sin, and I'm not doing a thing to change it. I'm incredibly mean to my husband, for one thing. Here's a snapshot of how mean I am to him:
We were out enjoying the sunshine with our baby yesterday, out on a green, grassy field. Michael likes to put anything and everything in his mouth, so John snatched a fair-sized rock out of Michael's hand. Then John starts playing with it. He throws it way, way up in the air. Straight up. What happens when you throw something straight up? Yeah, it comes straight back down.
Michael is a few feet away from John, and I watch in horror as the rock narrowly misses Michael's shoulder on its way to the ground.
I freaked out. "You stupid ASS John! What the hell are you thinking?!" I found a big, chunky stick and set out after him. A fat wife chasing after her fat husband, running helter-skelter around this huge field...Michael laughing hysterically. Look at Mommy chasing Daddy with a stick. How absurdly funny. I never did catch up with John, but when I was exhausted, I wailed the stick at him, not really meaning to hit him, so it missed. But I think I proved my point, albeit not in a way that demonstrated to Michael how grownups ought to handle conflicts in a rational manner. But it was in fun. John couldn't take offense if it hit him in the head. It was fun, but angry fun.
So it sounds funny. Here goes that banter in my head again. I can rationalize every little thing I do, and make it look correct. I'm discontent with my life...but what do I do? Change myself. That's a deep hole to start digging into to. Well, right now I'm just going to shut up and listen to General Conference. I woke up yearning to hear a song, "Come to Jesus," but I have no idea what the words are, or how the tune goes, and even if I did, it would be tainted coming out of my own mouth. I want someone to sing it to me.
I woke up at 3am. I felt filthy & cold & my breath was rancid. So I took a shower & brushed my teeth. I feel better. It's 4am now. I woke up with overwhelming feelings of sin. I'm wallowing in sin, and I'm not doing a thing to change it. I'm incredibly mean to my husband, for one thing. Here's a snapshot of how mean I am to him:
We were out enjoying the sunshine with our baby yesterday, out on a green, grassy field. Michael likes to put anything and everything in his mouth, so John snatched a fair-sized rock out of Michael's hand. Then John starts playing with it. He throws it way, way up in the air. Straight up. What happens when you throw something straight up? Yeah, it comes straight back down.
Michael is a few feet away from John, and I watch in horror as the rock narrowly misses Michael's shoulder on its way to the ground.
I freaked out. "You stupid ASS John! What the hell are you thinking?!" I found a big, chunky stick and set out after him. A fat wife chasing after her fat husband, running helter-skelter around this huge field...Michael laughing hysterically. Look at Mommy chasing Daddy with a stick. How absurdly funny. I never did catch up with John, but when I was exhausted, I wailed the stick at him, not really meaning to hit him, so it missed. But I think I proved my point, albeit not in a way that demonstrated to Michael how grownups ought to handle conflicts in a rational manner. But it was in fun. John couldn't take offense if it hit him in the head. It was fun, but angry fun.
So it sounds funny. Here goes that banter in my head again. I can rationalize every little thing I do, and make it look correct. I'm discontent with my life...but what do I do? Change myself. That's a deep hole to start digging into to. Well, right now I'm just going to shut up and listen to General Conference. I woke up yearning to hear a song, "Come to Jesus," but I have no idea what the words are, or how the tune goes, and even if I did, it would be tainted coming out of my own mouth. I want someone to sing it to me.