Resolution
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Monday, January 17, 2005
I woke up this morning with a resolve to have more depth in my life, for the benefit of Michael & our whole family. That means ditching the meaningless things I do; TV watching, video game playing, daydreaming. Oh how I love to daydream. And trading them for...what? I want to instill in Michael meaningfulness. That means that everything I expose him to, I want it to be meaningful. No more biding our time, ticking away the hours until bedtime. But that means I'll have to break out of my comfort zone (oh, how comfortable it is) and get out of the house, meet people, do things, expose Michael to the world. So far the things I'm most comfortable exposing him to outside of the house are passive, observation-type activities. Museums, window shopping, movies. We need to dig our hands into something and be real contributors. I was not raised to do that. And it scares me to death to be proactive. I'm not a leader. I'm a follower. I love following. Very comfortable and doesn't require much risk. In fact, whenever I've been put in leadership positions, I freeze up and act weird. Not a good quality in a leader. And it paralyzes me. So I just want to crawl back into my comfort zone and be an observer. Or completely uninvolved. I'm getting older now. Can I imagine myself being old and still acting like a small, aimless child? Ugh. No. Whenever I see older people who've never grown up, I just look away. It's not something that's pleasant to see.
posted by Angela Marie at 5:25 PM
I woke up this morning with a resolve to have more depth in my life, for the benefit of Michael & our whole family. That means ditching the meaningless things I do; TV watching, video game playing, daydreaming. Oh how I love to daydream. And trading them for...what? I want to instill in Michael meaningfulness. That means that everything I expose him to, I want it to be meaningful. No more biding our time, ticking away the hours until bedtime. But that means I'll have to break out of my comfort zone (oh, how comfortable it is) and get out of the house, meet people, do things, expose Michael to the world. So far the things I'm most comfortable exposing him to outside of the house are passive, observation-type activities. Museums, window shopping, movies. We need to dig our hands into something and be real contributors. I was not raised to do that. And it scares me to death to be proactive. I'm not a leader. I'm a follower. I love following. Very comfortable and doesn't require much risk. In fact, whenever I've been put in leadership positions, I freeze up and act weird. Not a good quality in a leader. And it paralyzes me. So I just want to crawl back into my comfort zone and be an observer. Or completely uninvolved. I'm getting older now. Can I imagine myself being old and still acting like a small, aimless child? Ugh. No. Whenever I see older people who've never grown up, I just look away. It's not something that's pleasant to see.
posted by Angela Marie at 5:25 PM