The Beta Test (part 1)
DISCLAIMER: The usual disclaimer. You know, the one about this being a humorous, fictitious piece of work and it is not intended to offend anyone.
Piers was staring intently at something on his desk, but was well aware of the offender long before he entered the room. Spinning around he leveled the Glock phase pistol at the squat little penguin that waddled in. “Can’t you read?” Piers half snarled, pointing to the sign.
Q-SECTION
FLAMABLE, EXPLOSIVE, INCENDIARIES
HOMEBREWING IN PROGRESS
PLEASE EXTINGUISH TOBACCO PRODUCTS BEFORE ENTERING.
“Oh, sorry Piers” Hurley replied, as he stubbed out his Cuban cigar. “Would it help if I brought you one next time?” Piers grunted, returning to his work. After a few moments of punching away at the console, he returned his gaze to Hurley.
“Whatcha need Hurls?” he asked inquisitively. He always loved having visitors, it gave him a chance to show off some new cool toy he’d been working on. “The Iron Paw and I are heading out on a covert op. We were wondering what cool gee-wiz toys you had down here.”
Piers grinned with a boyish look at Christmas time. “Just exactly what kind of op are you running?” “The typical get some intel, snatch some piece of equipment that’s got what we need on it and leave. Got something special in mind?”
“As a matter of fact I do. I have a few good items that I’ve been finishing up that you could test out for me.” “Test? We can’t afford to test anything!” Hurley exclaimed, shocked at the thought he’d be beta testing some gadget for Q Section. “Well then my friend,” Piers started, “I guess I don’t have anything for you. Almost everything I have is a prototype.” With that, he went back to work on his latest concoction.
“Ok, wait, I’m sorry, what do you have?” Hurley apologized, remembering what Samurai Ben had told him about his friend Piers. “He can be a bit temperamental and he definitely has an unusual sense of humor” Ben had told Hurley one day in the hallway.
Turning around Piers had that look again. “Okay, first of all, I’ve got the typical James Bond watch with the laser in it.” Hurley had that glazed look of confusion on his face, so Piers continued, “You know, Bond, James Bond. The British secret service guy? Ah, before your time, sorry. Anyway, this will cut through most chains.” Setting that down he picked up another item. “This only looks like a mosquito. It is in fact a listening device. Simply shoot this at the target you want to evesdrop on and wha-la! Instant listening device. The ‘victim’ will think he’s been bit by a mosquito, swat at it, and inject the listening device into the skin. Has a range of 300 meters and will last for 36 hours. Also has a tracking device.”
Hurley was nodding his head in an up and down motion. Piers couldn’t tell if he really understood what he was saying or not. He wasn’t too sure what the intellect level of a penguin (or a wombat for that matter) was in the first place. Picking up a PDA looking device, Piers said “This little baby is way cool. It can read almost any electronic device, download it’s information into this device, it has a 5 terra byte storage capacity and then renders the source device useless by sending an EMP back to it. Pretty slick, eh?”
“Yeah, slick. These are pretty easy to use, right?” Hurley said, not exactly sure what Piers had told him. “Of course they are! I pride myself in trying to make these as user friendly as possible.” Piers replied, his suspicions about the penguin were right, not that he held a low intellect against anybody, it just meant he had to use less technical terms, start talking “Scotty Speak”.
“Lastly,” Piers geared up for the final item, “is my master disguise formula.” Hurley looked at the 2 small bottles Piers had just handed him. “Looks like an Irish Ale to me.” Hurley said looking at the brown unmarked bottles. “Yes, that’s what it looks like, I call it my Wacko Jacko Camo. It even tastes like Irish Ale, to make it go down easier, but this little potion will change the way you look. If you think you are being followed, going to be captured, duck into a private place, drink this, come out and you will clear the room, trust me on this one.” Piers wrapped up.
“Okay, laser watch, mosquito, EMP PDA thingy and Wacko Jacko Camo. Cool. I’ll let you know how this stuff works, hope I don’t need most of it though.”
With that, Harley headed out the door and down the corridor.
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