Music Review: Karmin "Acapella"

Karmin

Acapella

Album: Pulses

Year: 2013

          Amy Heidemann gets mixed messages from her parents in the flamboyant  “Acapella.”

        Bloated synths open the single, setting a glutted tone. The chorus starts the single. The text message read: “can’t be with you anymore. Can we still be friends?” She thinks he left her because he wanted to date someone else.  However, she heard from a mutual friend that he was taking credit for her success, claiming he was the one who rescued her from obscurity. Since she’s single now, she’s going to show him what’s missing. (“Use to be your baby, use to be your lady /That you were the perfect lover /All the harmony went falling out of key so/Now you got to find another /Now you talking crazy, sayin’ you  made me like I was your Cinderella /You and me are through, watch me hit it solo/I'mma do it acapella, yeah /I'mma do it acapella.”)

             Her mom taught her how to be a golddigger. As a teenager, she was already scouting around for a well-to-do guy while attending parties.  Eventually, she found a guy according to her mom’s standards: a job in the banking industry, a toothy smile and very, very pretty.  After all, her mother was able to land and be married for twenty years to an awesome guy: her father.  On the date, all he talked about his himself and had zero personality. Her mother also taught her to look out for herself and take advantage of the sweet guys. (“ Once upon time I met the perfect guy/He had that Colgate smile /He had that suit and tie /Mamma always said ' Get a rich boyfriend ‘/You don't gotta love 'em girl you can pretend /You bet I totes believed her, yeah  every word she said /Thought he was gluten-free but all I got was bread /Mamma always said ' Nice guys finish the last '/Beat him at his own game/Honey take the cash.”)

         In the pre-chorus, the guy bored her and she couldn’t wait to get home. She’d rather have a good guy with average looks and a decent job. It may take a couple tries but she’s ok with it. (“Oh and what a lucky girl you will be /But no, he didn’t do jack for me /I want a bean with a beanstalk /And if the magic ain’t right, time to walk .”)

          The chorus is sung again.

        Her dad gave her reasonable advice, warning her to be wary of guys who only want to use her for sex. She recalls one date where she went to the Olive Garden. The entire time he kept staring at her breasts. At the end of the night, he purposefully poured wine on her blouse. She immediately called for the server and asked for the check. He may have seemed like clean cut choirboy. However, he was as creepy as any investment banker her mom tried to set her up with. (“Out on our first date, he took me to the gourmet/We hit the Olive Garden, my Little Italy/ Daddy always said “let the gentleman pay”/Never go Dutch at the buffet”/I saw his bad intention, he didn’t wanna talk/He put the saucy on it (Oops!) time to check my watch/Daddy always said 'Money can't buy class, you don't wanna get stuck takin’ out the trash '”)

        In the pre-chorus, she’ll keep looking for the right guy. Maybe on the next date. (“I guess it wasn't meant to be /Because he didn't do jack for me /I want a bean with a beanstalk/And if the magic ain’t right, time to walk .”)

                The chorus is sung again.

               In the bridge, the beat is turned off as she “whoa’s” and then breaks into a screechy falsetto. Apparently, people are supposed to be laughing at her joke.  However, it only brings on second embarrassment over the fact someone actually thought it was funny, recorded it, got paid for it, and then had it released on radio. (“Whoa, whoa, oh I’mma do it acapella/Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’mma do it falsetta/Never mind bring the beat back.”)

         The chorus is sung again.

      Heidemann’s affected, gaudy vocals drag the words with some overemphasis on notes and leaving others without anything to hold onto. The pop culture references stick out of the bag, ready to fall out.  The Colgate reference makes sense in context. However, an entire verse revolving around a bad date at an Olive Garden is a random, unintentional 30 second promotional spot inserted into the single.

         The cartoonish “Acapella” has a thought bubble above it that reads “SPLAT!”