banned for self banning

 Banned for being afraid to go past the horizon because you believe in the flat Earth idea.

banned for thinking such nonsense

Yes the Earth is flat but it goes on forever so that you can't fall off the edge and so there is no fear of going past the horizon. You just end up in the spot in which you started out in.

Banned for inconsequential meanderings inserted within two slices of pickled peppered lightly salted spam. 

Banned for the misguided meanderings regarding the delivery of fast food to a deluded flat-Earth lunatic who's on a never ending journey to an ever elusive horizon that will always remain at a safe distance to prevent such nut-jobs falling off the end of the world.

Banned for giving jobs to nuts and not to shells who support the nuts that live in the shells who are unemployed.

Banned for being fruitier than a nut but nuttier than a fruit.

Banned 'cause I invented the insanity clause. Just ask Anybody.   

banned for wanting anybody to speak for you

Banned for not wanting corroboration in a matter regarding life on the loose or life on the nut farm.

banned for farming out the bans

Banned for bringing agriculture into it

Banned for veggies as opposed to meat and taters.

Banned for beating your meat [with a meat mallet] before cooking.

banned for attempting to cook beaten meat

Banned for a frenzied beating of cooked meat with a second-hand croquet mallet that was once used in the heat of the moment to bludgeon a poor sausage roll to death.

Banned 'cause he missed and squished a barrel of apples then mixed it with the chicken rolls that he missed the other day. When he realized what he done he said to himself..."Self...oh well."  

Banned for knowing too much about Ryat's food preparation and culinary skills... or should I say 'lack thereof'?

banned for implication of skills

Banned for divulging more than we needed to know.

banned for skillfully changing up and going with fervent disregard for culinary condiments meant for BBQ'd pigs feet. 

Banned for going with seasoned pigs trotters and a poor sow's ear.

Ribs taste better and weren't walking around in the mud, the blood and the beer.

banned for mocking mud baths

Banned for I've had more mud baths than you could poke a stick at on a cold Winter's day with no witnesses around to later testify that it was indeed you who poked out a poor piglet's eye because he eyed off your bacon sandwich lunch and wanted to know if his brother was in there.

Banned for being a Boar.