banned because she should have turned you into a newt and left you there

Banned for believing in witches and making like a pusilanimous polecat when a pea soup fog came down like a cloud of mystery falling.

Banned for racing a turtle uphill while wading through molasses and losing.

Banned for racing downhill against a 600 year old tortoise with arthritis, an allergy to mud ducks and Peking sweet and sour recipes and still losing by 200 metres after getting a substantial head start and the use of roller skates.

Beats me!  You run like the clappers and come 3rd in a 2 horse race.  

Banned 'cause the one that ran dead last was a mudder. The other ones got bogged down.

Banned for speaking about last-past-the-post's mudder like that... she happens to be a very nice filly with an alluring neigh and a fetlock to make any stallion run amok with desire.

banned for horsing around 

Banned for acting the goat and making a complete ass of yourself at the pony club ball in front of a couple of dozen Shetlands accompanied by an equivalent number of very respectable mules whose donkey mothers liked to date cart horses with large hooves.

banned for muling it over

Banned for mule-like stubborn procrastination over whether or not you'll think about this or that.

banned for mocking my ADHD

Banned for going in through the out door and not having the presence to scribble a bit of physical graffiti while you were in there hoping to find a way into the houses of the holy by studying the 4 symbols etched into the wall beside the entry to the stairway to heaven.

banned for having a heavy presence of lead in your system while flying on a zepplin

Banned for going too deep and ending up going purple while trying to swim under the smoke on the water, which was started by a speed king racing to be with his sweet child in time for her birthday.

Banned for ambiguous quotes and the incessant desire to raid the fridge that belonged to Mr. Murphy. Who, in turn, caused all kinds of chaos with a side of mayhem, just to show that he could. They even named a law after him. Murphy's Law......

-----"Anything that can go wrong will...........................................................eventually." 

banned for pessimistic point of view 

Banned for going all pissimestic when clearly there's just no justification for it in a time of where's and why-fores all culminating in a mish mash of goo that resembles silly putty but is more pliable due to secret ingredients known only to inhabitants of Wombley Village down by the sea.

banned for random old man ramblings to which I did not even bother to read

Banned for divulging state secrets.

Banned for not giving Ryat a much harder time for the disparaging and disrespectful 'old man' remarks... when he himself isn't too far off being a wrinkly old fart who don't smell too good due to incontinence and perspiration that not even the strongest deoderant can disguise.

banned for assuming my age

Banned for crusty old adages.

banned for cutting off the crust

Banned for whole wheat 'cause it gots texture whereas white ain't got none.

banned for getting all grainy