How I hate my family

make them go away

from JoeUser Forums
       I replied to an article a few days back about who I loved, I think it was by Texas Wahine, but that's not important (ok, it is, but not for what I'm writing now). I said I didn't love my family, but I didn't hate them either. Well I've decided that is wrong, at least mostly. My feelings towards my family vary from indifferent tolerance to outright hatred. Usually the more I interact with them the more I hate them. Today... today is a hate day.
       I use my family, I admit it, I'm evil that way. Something like four years ago I gave them a job, without telling them mind you. Today they almost figured it out, which is surprising, I would have expected them to figure it out during the first month. The job was to provide the support I would need as I kept myself confined to my corner. When they figure it out I don't see how it couldn't lead to conflict.
       We don't communicate, and from what I can see my family doesn't communicate with each other terrible well either. But when we try (or they try, I don't anymore) I want to kill them. Snap their necks, stab them with a knife over and over again, knock them down the steps and kick and punch them until their a bloody pulp (I did say I was evil). I haven't done any of these things, and to be honest I very much doubt I will. But the thought is still there. And when push comes to shove, well I see two possibility: I kill someone or I walk away.
       Fight or Flight, that annoying instinct. I can think of three times I've felt similarly pushed from it. The first, I threw a wooden paddle at the kid, barely missed him and destroyed the paddle (not to mention making a mess of the wall). Lost a job out of the deal, which I was planning to leave soon because I could feel the anger. Instead I came inches from killing someone (at least I assume that much wood with that much force hitting him in the face would have killed him, it would have hurt if it didn't).
       The second also cost me a job, but no one got hurt that time. I was working at a help desk, and the combined effect of the companies contradictory orders, the irrate customers, and problems with the woman I love, well it was bad. I would spend most of the day wanting to kill my co-workers and/or the person on the phone, then I'd drive home crying. I gave them two weeks notice and left.
       The third time was the worse by far. The woman I love had done everything but tell me to leave her alone (for some reason she never did that, how annoying is that). I wanted to make her love me, but at the same time knew I couldn't. I wanted to kill myself to avoid the pain (but since I'm writting this I obviously didn't). In the end I confined myself to my room, my cell if you will.
       Fought once, flight twice. And now...
       If I fight someone will die, most likely my father. Unlike when I almost killed the kid with the paddle, I have years of disliking my father. If things go physical I don't see how I wouldn't kill him. Which is a bad thing, and I'll admit it, which is why flight has been waiting for almost four years. I have my bag packed, and it's been sitting there, just waiting. The problem is, if I leave my cell I don't see how I won't go back after her. Unless I did something stupid like walking to Europe (which is really suicide since I can't walk on water).
       So I need to come up with a better solution then Fight or Flight before my family pushes the issue and I make a quick decision. Which is only complicated by my extreme anger when talking to them (or more acuratly failing to talk to them). I don't communicate with them and I don't want to communicate with them. When they talk with me I generally take the approach of waiting for them to go away. They will get tired and leave before I do, at least that's what 20ish years of history have shown.
       So...
       Anyone mind taking in a 26 year old male, hopefully in love with a woman that won't talk to him, suffering from serious anger issues, for the next thirty years or so while he pretends to figure out what he's doing with his life? Right, didn't think so =P
2,252 views 20 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny...my family will adopt you! My Mum has three girls, and she's always wanted a son! All you have to do is get to England, start practicing that walking on water! I'm sorry to hear you all dont get on, and they wind you up so much, I guess all I can suggest is space, but I know that isn't possible. Me and my eldest sister have an awful relationship. We don't speak at all, which leads to awkward situations at times. I had a conversation with someone about this yesterday, and they told me you only get one family, and you should appreciate them. Just because they are family doesn't mean they can get away with everything. There is a line that no one can cross with me, family or not. Family can probably get away with more, but there is still a line. I hope things work out for you.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny, it sounds like you need to fly somewhere ELSE, buddy. I mean, you can't fly back to her and you can't kill someone... Seriously, it sounds as if you need to get your own space. I can only imagine that it is for financial reasons that you subject yourself to living with your family feeling this way. I don't mean to be presumptuous, but you've proven you are employable...I just think you owe it to yourself to get out of such a poisonous situation if you possibly can - and I don't mean by going to prison for killing your father.
There's nothing like beinig independent. It can make life harder in other ways (like always being broke) but on the other hand, it's great to be free.
Start11 - Customize the Start Menu and Taskbar in Windows 10/11.
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sally: If I actually had a reason to go somewhere I could take a plane or boat or something. I have the resources to travel, but not to last long once I was wherever I went. If your serious about adopting me, well it's something I'd need to think about first, but in theory I'm not against it. After all, I ended my article the way I did for a reason. And I do appreciate my familiy, even as I hate them. How's that for a contradiction
Hamster: While I could go back to her, it would most likely put me in jail. At least that's the assumption I'm working under. And while I might be employable, I don't see me holding a job while I'm still living here. Maybe if it was some mythical perfect job that I could spend all day at until I could move out, but that's not going to happen. As for finances, well if I were to write about why I hate my family (instead of how) that would be up there on reasons. My greatgrandfather left me (and all my fellow greadgrandkids) a bunch of money before he died. Due to my age at the time, that money is in my mom's name as custodian. That should have change when I turned 18 (or 21 not completely sure on legality, but either way I'm 26 now) but it didn't. While not enough that I wouldn't have to work, it is enough that I could get a place to live while I found a job. But due to the way the name is on it I can't do anything with it without my parents going along, and reversly they can't without me going along. While it would be nice to have, I am willing to put it behind me.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

And while I might be employable, I don't see me holding a job while I'm still living here.


But why not, Danny?  You have to do something to help yourself out.  Are you planning on staying there until you die? 


I see you as a pan that's about to boil over.  I see all the rage and fury simmering inside you, and one of these days it's going to boil over and coming spewing out, scalding and hurting everyone within reach.  I keep expecting to read about you in the news....because you've slaughtered your entire family in a red rage.


Dude, you've got to get some help.  There just isn't any other option....

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dharma: Wonderful analogy with the pan. As for the slaughter, I have been thinking about writing a somewhat humorous blog about that idea And I'll agree, I do need help, no argument there. The problem comes in getting help. My plan has been to sit here until I can come up with a better solution, ie one that doesn't involve anyone getting hurt. If that doesn't happen until after I die, well thats why I have the backup plan of sitting here and waiting for death to claim me. As for a job... I don't think I could go out and work, and then come back here everynight. My family would be all nice and supporting, but the way they do that is agrivating. And then there is the job, if it's anything like my last job it isn't my family you need to worry about me slaughtering. But having said that, the only person I can kill is myself, which I won't do because so long as I am alive there is hope. Which is supposed to help you from worrying too much.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
hm...anger management classes to start, might be a good idea. Secondly, maybe recognizing that nobody is perfect, your family included---and realizing that maybe you're no better at communication than they are--so maybe it's tough for all of you- but definitely, anger management classes---that, and maybe getting a job and moving far away from home- when I first read this, I kinda figured a 16 year old "I hate my family" thing....sorta surprised me to find out that wasn't the case. Ah well...good luck with whatever you decide to do...but if I were you? I would decide to do something- and quickly.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

Which is supposed to help you from worrying too much.


And it does.


I don't think that you're suicidal.  I think that you're very, very, angry.  About a whole host of things.....and I think that letting some of that anger manifest itself in a safe environment would be a very healthy and helpful thing for you to do.


But, Danny, you have to make the first move.  I understand your reluctance...and I would be reluctant too, if I were in your shoes. Nevertheless, you know you need help, I know you need help....so, let's get you some help.  It's really that simple.

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
simplymary: Anger management wouldn't be a bad idea, mayhaps I'll look into that. And I know I'm not perfect, I am painfully away of that fact. And I know my family isn't perfect either. I am probably worse at communicating then they are. But on a completely different note, it's good to see a new name around here
Dharma: Simple is good I'd like to think I made a first move when I started blogging. I mean I'm actually expressing myself to someone, which I would say is a big change. Is it enough? No, but it's a start.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

I mean I'm actually expressing myself to someone, which I would say is a big change. Is it enough? No, but it's a start.


It's a perfect start.  You're no longer isolating yourself...although you said a few days ago that you were because we're not real....but you are saying what you're thinking and feeling, and being very honest in doing so.  That's a move forward, and that's good.

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny, sorry to hear what you are going through....it does sound like you need someone to talk to..have you considered a counselor or therapist? You may not be able to change others (like your family's ways of thinking for example)..but maybe it will help you find a way to make things better, and can serve as outlet for all the emotions burning up inside of you. I know things won't change overnight..but hopefully, little by little, things will improve for you. best of luck.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't know what to say to you that's really helpful or different from others above me, just wishing you the best and you'll be able to find a way to resolve the anger, because I know the anger can really be crippling even while you all filled up with its energy. I hope you'll be able to take a break from the stormy-ness and find a place where you can have some peace.

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
InBloom: I have considered counselling, and in a way I do have one, but it's not that simple. I don't talk to people I don't trust, and after being involuntarily 'treated' twice now, I don't trust doctors/counselors/etc in general. Not to say I couldn't, but if all I know about you is that that's your profession I'm not very likely to trust you. But there is this lady from church that comes by to visit every few months. She's a nurse or some such, although she has some odd ideas. I tend not to get too personal with her, not anything like I do here, mostly because of how off she tends to be. She has this idea that my relationship that ended with the woman I love not talking to me, me trying to talk to her, and then police visiting was a healthy productive relationshp. And I don't see how that could be. About the only thing productive out of it is an opportunity to learn, but then again you get that from any experience so that's of little value. And I know things won't change overnight.
Ravenblack: I do get breaks from the storminess, when my family is all out of the house
And since I don't think I mentioned it elsewhere, thank you all for your replies.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Cut them loose. You're an adult. If your situation is that bad, just walk away before something happens that can't be taken back.
You said you had the money, but it's in your mom's name; you don't think she'd go along and help you get out and on your feet? It's your money, after all, left to you by your grandfather. If they can't use it without you, and you can't use it without them, what good is it doing any of you?
Maybe if you approached her in the right way, whatever that way might be?

Though I usually look down on psychology in general as a scam, here I agree with simplymary......you need to at least try AM classes. Holding such strong negative emotions inside without dealing with them properly isn't good for you, physically, emotionally or mentally.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Rightwinger: My first thought is that they wouldn't let me use the money, I've talked to them before and they think the money isn't mine even though it's title as my name with mom as custodian (it even says due to be being a minor, which I'm not now, even if I act it at times). But it can't hurt to ask them again, who knows they might take it as a good sign and help me move out quicker.
little whip: I have had good jobs, my first job was great for about three years. I have worked for manpower before, and the more I think about it the more that seems to be the way to go, at least temporarily. And I'll agree, it doesn't matter where my anger comes from, I'm the one that has to decide what to do with it. And I know that few people would care about my problems, especially since they have their own. I think what I'm trying to do right now is get my feelings out in the open so I can figure out what to do with them, I've been ignoring them long enough.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
But it can't hurt to ask them again, who knows they might take it as a good sign and help me move out quicker.


If it doesn't, talk to someone from Legal Aid, if you can't afford a lawyer of your own.
I'm not at all in favor of taking one's own family to court, and I hate to encourage anyone to go to a damn lawyer, but this sounds like you're being screwed.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ick, taking them to court is not an idea I like, I'd like to think people can be civil enough to solve their problems outside of court, especially within a family, even thought there is so much evidence to the contrary. Oh well, we'll see.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ick, taking them to court is not an idea I like, I'd like to think people can be civil enough to solve their problems outside of court, especially within a family, even thought there is so much evidence to the contrary. Oh well, we'll see.


Well, good luck, kiddo. Hope things work out for you. The sooner you can get out and on your own, the better you'll be.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny

I relate to your trust issues...I've gone through some traumatic stuff myself that has made it difficult for me to trust...I wish someone would come along in your life that would help bring your walls down. The situation with your parents sounds difficult....I wonder if they still look at you as a child...and not an adult..maybe they need to realize that you are a grownup...someone whose thoughts and feelings they need to take into consideration and take seriously. But it does seem like you need to take some sort of stand...legalwise or verbally.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top

danny, okay, so here comes a big revelation from me. (me, who is supposed to be so well-adjusted and grown up).


my family drive me insane. at the moment, at least 3 of them aren't speaking to me. i can get along with damned near anyone in the world, it seems, as long as i'm not related to them.


i am still reduced to a six-year-old in a temper tantrum when confronted with my father. who, despite being an intelligent man and a good 'citizen', must be the most emotionally irresponsible person i have ever met. (and i won't even get started on his (4th and current)wife, who refers to me as 'the c*unt').


i was very grateful for your offer to help me manage the spam, you seem a genuine person who is trying to make a positive impact on the ju community. it's not like me to offer advice unsolicited, (simply because i don't feel qualified to do so), but if you'd like someone to hear you out, i'd be happy to.

mig XX


Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
InBloom: I don't know how they look at me, but if I had to guess... I really don't know, the way they treat me doesn't seem to be consistent enough. And I hope your doing ok with your own traumas.
mignuna: hehe, I was just about to delete your reply to clear the email but I thought I'd refresh the page just once more to make sure you hadn't changed it and poof, there goes the evidence, now just this hint is left I know I'm not the only one with family troubles, it's probably part of growing up. Advice solicited or not is welcome, I just reserve the right not to take it. And I try to make a positive contribution, after all if we don't take care of our playground, it won't be any fun to play in it.