Boo Instant Messaging

I don’t like instant messaging. Sure, it provides the convenience of the telephone in that I don’t have to wear clothes, but like the telephone, it’s a small comfort eclipsed by many irritations.

As with the phone, when I’m in a conversation with somebody, it requires a chunk of my attention and time. It’s great to talk to people, but I’d rather have conversations be occasional random thoughts than entire scripts of dialog, but my friends on my contact lists prefer the latter. Not to be mean, but I don’t want to give them much of my time. I don’t want it either. I just want to IM people nonsensical questions, which leads to the second issue I have with instant messaging.

Everybody I knew in the previous years vanished. There are plenty of great people I recently met, but it’s hard to transfer traditions to them. For example, I often IM my old friends random questions about my pets, particularly the dachshund named Marge. If they do return someday, the first words I’ll send them will be the following: “What would you do if Marge was mooing and wouldn’t stop so I told her, ‘Shut the hell up, bitch!’ but then she mooed at me so I started chasing her and the Benny Hill theme played in the background?” I can’t do this with the people I know now. They wouldn’t understand it.

Instant messaging does provide the social benefit, which is my favorite aspect of the Internet since I hate to be alone, but I also like keeping to myself. It’s why I prefer chat rooms. They provide the same social aspect as instant messaging without the need for me to participate.

So why do I keep instant messengers on my systems? Well, I’m very anal-retentive, and it feels unnatural to change the options on MSN Messenger or to remove iChat from the dock. Also, as with my cell phone, it gives me instant access to people and vice versa should the need ever arise. Besides, the chat rooms in which I participated are either gone or inaccessible because the damn server now wants me to configure proxies. I either must adjust to new chat rooms, which takes more time than I'm willing to give, or rely on instant messengers to provide me with social ambience.

Instant messengers are necessary but burdensome tools. I can’t wait until they’re obsolete.