So Your 7 Year Old's a Tramp . . .
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I don't have a daughter. Evidently God feels I am the sort of mom who needs only rowdy, grimy little boys. No matter what anyone tries to tell you, boys and girls are inherently different. Give boys dolls and they will tear off the arms and use them as guns. This is just the way it is. Give little girls GI Joes, and suddenly Barbie has a new love interest (shhh . . . don't tell Ken!). This is just the way it is.
Some things can't be helped, but some things can. Your second grader does not have to be a slut! This is not just the way it is! There is hope!
Here, from a mom that has never raised a daughter (HA HA!), are some tips for keeping your child from turning into a smoldering pile of 13 year old jail bait!
1. Bikinis are for babies and big girls. Babies can wear frilly little polka dot bikinis and be absolutely precious, but there is a point where the bikini just becomes wrong.
Try this easy rule -- once the baby pot-belly is gone, so is the two piece! Never again do I want to see a 10 year old working it in a string bikini . . . NEVER. Just don't do it, parents.
On the other end of the spectrum, try this other easy bikini rule -- allow her to have a bikini when you put her on birth control . . . not old enough for BC? you don't plan on providing her with contraception? No problem . . . no bikini! Simple, see?
2. Children should NOT wear kneehigh boots. Kaitlyn can't run on the playground in tight, sweaty leather boots. She can't. I promise. I don't care if Julie has a pair. I'm not Julie's mom. The answer is no, and that's final.
If your husband drools when you wear a certain item, that's a good sign that it's something you should never, never dress your kid in. Ever.
3. Midriff baring tops. No. No. No. No. I'm sure your 12 year old has fabulous abs. I'll bet she has a nice belly button, too. We cannot live vicariously through our children, moms. Just because we can no longer pull off those sexy short tops does not mean our children should! Yucky!
4. Miniskirts, and particularly school-girl style miniskirts (and with knee high stockings!) are also bad for your child's non-slutty karma. You know what this type of outfit tells your 9 year old daughter? I'm like Britney Spears. I'm hot. I want to marry someone else's man and then pimp out a new fragrance for $50 a bottle. That's not what you want, is it?
5. Whenever your 3rd grader daughter shows the neighbors her school photos and exclaims, "Look how sexy I look. *giggles* Don't I look sexy in these pictures?" or when the boys in her class are talking about bending her over a desk and taking advantage of her, you have a problem. A big one.
I suggest you stop dressing her like a tramp, stop laughing when she dances like Christina Aguilera, and have daddy put those Girls Gone Wild DVDs up somewhere where the kids can't see them.
Look, there's plenty of time for your daughter to be a slut in college. Let's drop the sexy dancing, the miniskirts and sexy boots for now, and let her go play outside in a pair of shorts (I didn't say Daisy Dukes, either!) and Carebears T-shirt.
Oh, and . . . Brats and Diva Stars are part of the problem, too . . . let her brother tear their heads off and bury their bodies in the backyard, and then never buy anymore ever again.
Some things can't be helped, but some things can. Your second grader does not have to be a slut! This is not just the way it is! There is hope!
Here, from a mom that has never raised a daughter (HA HA!), are some tips for keeping your child from turning into a smoldering pile of 13 year old jail bait!
1. Bikinis are for babies and big girls. Babies can wear frilly little polka dot bikinis and be absolutely precious, but there is a point where the bikini just becomes wrong.
Try this easy rule -- once the baby pot-belly is gone, so is the two piece! Never again do I want to see a 10 year old working it in a string bikini . . . NEVER. Just don't do it, parents.
On the other end of the spectrum, try this other easy bikini rule -- allow her to have a bikini when you put her on birth control . . . not old enough for BC? you don't plan on providing her with contraception? No problem . . . no bikini! Simple, see?
2. Children should NOT wear kneehigh boots. Kaitlyn can't run on the playground in tight, sweaty leather boots. She can't. I promise. I don't care if Julie has a pair. I'm not Julie's mom. The answer is no, and that's final.
If your husband drools when you wear a certain item, that's a good sign that it's something you should never, never dress your kid in. Ever.
3. Midriff baring tops. No. No. No. No. I'm sure your 12 year old has fabulous abs. I'll bet she has a nice belly button, too. We cannot live vicariously through our children, moms. Just because we can no longer pull off those sexy short tops does not mean our children should! Yucky!
4. Miniskirts, and particularly school-girl style miniskirts (and with knee high stockings!) are also bad for your child's non-slutty karma. You know what this type of outfit tells your 9 year old daughter? I'm like Britney Spears. I'm hot. I want to marry someone else's man and then pimp out a new fragrance for $50 a bottle. That's not what you want, is it?
5. Whenever your 3rd grader daughter shows the neighbors her school photos and exclaims, "Look how sexy I look. *giggles* Don't I look sexy in these pictures?" or when the boys in her class are talking about bending her over a desk and taking advantage of her, you have a problem. A big one.
I suggest you stop dressing her like a tramp, stop laughing when she dances like Christina Aguilera, and have daddy put those Girls Gone Wild DVDs up somewhere where the kids can't see them.
Look, there's plenty of time for your daughter to be a slut in college. Let's drop the sexy dancing, the miniskirts and sexy boots for now, and let her go play outside in a pair of shorts (I didn't say Daisy Dukes, either!) and Carebears T-shirt.
Oh, and . . . Brats and Diva Stars are part of the problem, too . . . let her brother tear their heads off and bury their bodies in the backyard, and then never buy anymore ever again.
