Sex & Teens
JoeUser Forums
I recently bought a lap top because I could never get on the computer because my teenage son, Adam, who is 14 is always on with his interests in Anima & games, I'm glad he has a hobby so I do allow him time on it, but with restrictions as to time and sites.
The old clunker I have at home for the past three years is a loaner from work because from time to time I have had to bring work home. Our home computer that we own, had problem accessing the internet because it is so old, lacks memory, and when I got a new computer, at the time a Windows XP at work, (three years ago) I was able to bring that Windows 98 home which was so much better!
So when I bought the lap top, something went wrong with the Windows 98 and everyone was using the new fancy Gateway! Well, recently I bite the bullet and purchased a desktop (without screen) a Compaq Vista Home premium for just $299! What a steal! What I particularly loved was that this would give me ultimate control of my kids time on the computer and where they visited and what they did! The time control was beautiful! My son would be on it and if it is 9pm, wham, it shuts down and nothing he did could get that sucker going!harhar...he pleaded with me to get him back on regular viewership, i.e., Administrator role because he couldn't access his Anima or make his movies or do the things he normally does. If a video had a word or phrase in it that was deemed, "Adult", it wouldn't open. I loved that and told him so. I can't possibly sit with him 24/7 to see what he does, etc.
Now mind you I do trust my son, explicitly. But I do know kids will be kids, (yeah, the worn out phrase), friends will influence and convince and peer pressure and curiouslty can be a bitch! All that a given, I do trust him because so far, I've grown him up (read "I" as my hubby and me) with the values we hold dear to our hearts and beliefs and I do know he has a concience. Once a kid have a concience, to me, he will always be someone with heart, who cares, despite anything about others, and what goes on in his/her world, despite his peers, etc. He will make every effort to be a decent human being, at least, that is my interpretation, and so far, my kids do!
Are you still there? I do go on don't I? But all that is relevant to what I'm asking help for. There has to be a background right?!
I've had the sex talk with my son, or tried to. As a young child growing up, I've always told him, his private parts, and named them for him, penis was called penis, no weird words becaue I wanted him to know what it was, and that those were his own, and all that he could understand at the time. From the age of 3 years, I've told each of my children, what is good touch, and bad touch, what should not be done, and how to behave, etc. So far so good, thank heavens! Growing into a young child, into a young man, he is around friends, access to the internet, etc. I started letting him become aware of things that might be happening to him. He didn't protest until he got a little older because he was learning this in school, sex education. This wasn't something to discuss with mom. I asked his dad to have the "talk" with him when he turned 13. "Oh, but I already know all that mom, we learned about that in school". OK then. "But if there is anythhg you need to know more about, or don't understand, come to us ok?" All was well in my world!
I started noticing (over time) that my son would sometimes have his door locked and would be in his room for hours. Now, he will lock his little sister out to have privacy, especially since he loved playing his DS or watch his tv shows. He doesn't have internet access and the cable in his room is only Basic, so he doesn't have access to anything I wouldn't want him to behind locked doors. Those are in the living room where everyone is.
So, his room is locked all the time, then he comes out, rushes to the bathroom. I said nothing at first. But when I noticed the pile up of towels, hand towels, and the constant use up of our toilet paper supply and how quickly he uses up his tissue box supply (because of his allergies I make sure he has one in his room) I began to put two and two together! I mentioned this to my hubby who said he reaslised that but not to worry. Adam is tame compared to how he was at his age. He started at age 12! I'm looked at him and shook my head because he seemed elated by this discovery. Oh it is normal, don't worry about it. So I left it alone. I told my hubby to just monitor it and make sure he has a talk to make sure he is not doing anything that he is not supposed to.
My kids and sex! O my God. I knew the day would come, but having dealt with my oldest, Jessica and her activities, which she started too early and I was unprepared for her to be doing that so early, (though to some might be late at 17) you just want your babies to grow up without getting involved in these things until they are 40! Yes, I know that is unrealistic! (just my protective mommy mode coming out!)
Now to get to what I need advice about. I discovered something on my lap top this morning. I had a notice that said I have something to write to disk. I don't remember leaving anything to write to disk? I clicked on it, and lo and behold, OMG!!! I called my hubby and I showed him the two pictures!
Pictures of naked Anima girls, with fake breasts, and one in a position that made me gag! Where in God's name did these pictures come from and why is he downloading them? Of course that is a stupid question, the why is already answered! My hubby is quite calm about it. I'm trying not to get overly excited into anger with my mommy mode on, all I want to do is total lock down!
I do realise that this is normal. He is 14, he is going to have these feelings, he is going to seek these things out. Plus he interacts with friends, at home and on line. He's also active in a club at school. What I am concern about is he is accessing things like this too quickly and might be getting involved with porn.
His dad said if maybe someone hacked into his YouTube account, or someone could have sent the pictures to him, or told him how to access them? We want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he has not done anything wrong, per se. But we are concerned because we want to make sure this doesn't lead into anything else.
My hubby's suggestion is to just calmly ask where those photos came from, did he access them himself, and which website is that from? I'm trying to visualize how to do so in a calm manner without going into a lecture or accusations or behaving in a way that would have him scared, not talk to me, or never trusting us.
Do I go into lock down mode, forbidding him to use the Internet, or just going back to his regular user mode, etc? That would definitely stop that access. However, it would not stop his curiosity and I don't want him to have a bad feeling about his sexual awareness because it IS normal. Plus he might want to go elsewhere to do this and that I wouldn't want! The good thing is that his little sister doesn't have access to my lap top!
How do you suggest for me to handle this, what should I do? I know there are more than a few good men here and of course women with older children who have gone through this? I just do not want to scar him for life, by over reacting.
I'll show you the pictures, which one of them is pretty graphic...OMG!!!! My son....ugh...that gives me the willies! My hubby said that at least they are not 'real' pictures they are Anima/Cartoonish! Yeah, that sure helps! It is what it is!
Stardock Forums
), you know how different it is compared to Western cartoons.