New Market Definitions

This was sent to me by my husband's accounting office.  He also brought home the new bailout plan.  Do you know it's 80 pages long?  I also found out our money is to be insured at the new $250,000 mark is only good for one year.  Never heard that one on the news. 

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. 

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when  kids get no allowance, ladies gets no jewelry 

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
 
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me. 

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A person whose phone has been disconnected.    
 
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 
 
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.  

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker  who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. 

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past week investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.