Faith has found its way to me, now it's my turn to make it grow.

from JoeUser Forums

So I finally decided to search for my faith again. It has been years since I have been to a catholic church for actual mass. Even in my darkest hours I could not drag myself to a church. For years I have avoided going because I just could not get into the whole mass thing, I kept falling asleep and just felt like I was disrespecting the church and its goers. I never have stopped believing in God, in my own way, though. I have always followed the guidelines of the Catholic church even though there are things I am not too comfortable with.

Anyways, my wife (or the mother of my children, if it makes you feel more comfortable) has a co-worker who is a preacher at a local Baptist church. He’s a very nice man, and his wife is very kind. My wife went to his church once and found it interesting. For years she has been trying to get me to go to church but because I never wanted to go, she never went. Well, for many years now our relationship has been hitting bumps the size of Mount Olympus and I felt maybe it was time to look for some help. I am not too fond of doctors and such so I never bothered to look for professional help because I have never been to comfortable with the idea of pouring my heart out to a guy/girl who’s motivated by money. I figured what better place than a religious person? They usually tend to lean towards actually wanting to help others, tend to be somewhat much more moral that the average not so religious person.

Well, after much consideration, and constant nagging (LOL) my wife finally convinced me to give it a try. She had gone the week before for the second time and this time she had her mom and her sister going. Well , I figured since things had hit a Mount Olympus x10 bump recently and we had decided to work on making things better, that maybe church could be a good step towards making things better, especially since she was the one asking (for once). Rather than going back to a catholic church, I decided to give this church a try. So far, I have been there twice (missed a day in between, personal reasons) and while the experience has been somewhat interesting (and very different to what I am accustomed to at a catholic church), I feel pretty good about it and look forward to more participation. So far the people have been very nice and I even found some furniture for my apartment which I have been lacking since I moved. The pastor recommended a couple to have our “couple’s therapy” with. They happen to be from Puerto Rico and have been married for about 35 years. I look forward to our talks and though am very nervous as to what I may have to spill in order to make this work; I am willing to do what it takes to work things out with my wife. I can only hope she feels the same, I can’t read her mind and although she said she wants to do this, I won’t be convinced till I see it happening and can only hope all goes well. But I know that chances are things may get worse before they get better. But with my new found faith, I have higher hopes it can work, but am prepared (somewhat) if this goes nowhere. Only time, and God, will tell.

2,685 views 14 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

My wife went to his church once and found it interesting.
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It's definitely interesting.

 

For years she has been trying to get me to go to church but because I never wanted to go, she never went.
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I really don't know what to say here.  Well, I do, but I want to be kind.  How's this.  Red flags are flying for me when I read this.

 

I felt maybe it was time to look for some help.
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That's cool

 

I am not too fond of doctors and such so I never bothered to look for professional help because I have never been to comfortable with the idea of pouring my heart out to a guy/girl who’s motivated by money. I figured what better place than a religious person?
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On one hand, you just lowered a whole general group of people into the self-serving asshole category, and right after you raised a whole group of other people into saint hood.  I get your drift, but I don't think it's quite so cut and dried.

 

that maybe church could be a good step towards making things better, especially since she was the one asking (for once)
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Odd parenthetical editorial you added there.

 

Rather than going back to a catholic church, I decided to give this church a try.
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Same Jesus, different day.

 

So far, I have been there twice (missed a day in between, personal reasons) and while the experience has been somewhat interesting
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Interesting...this continual use of the word "interesting."

 

So far the people have been very nice and I even found some furniture for my apartment which I have been lacking since I moved.
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Sweet, new furniture.  Your relationship is fixed!

 

Well fortunately you are on the God + Jesus plan.  All you have to do is get a couple people to pray with you and it'll be all better.  Um, I recommend not getting any amputees to help though.  They're really pissed off about something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reply #2 from Stardock Forums Top

My husband and I haven't been good at going to church for the past few years.  It just seems that when Sundays roll around we have a hundred excuses.

I think we need to go to church.  It helps us be close to one another and grow spiritually together.  I loved when we went to Bible study together.  It's nice to have mutual friends who are supportive of us.

I grew up Lutheran and Baptist.  I generally don't get as much out of Lutheran church (which is very similar to Catholic church) as I do when we go to just a general Christian church.  I like the music more, and it's just more...heartfelt I think.  I need the emotional experience.  Most guys don't really care about that, but I do, though.

If you don't mind, I'll include you and your wife in my prayers.  I think it will be good for you to meet with a more experienced couple.  Don't be afraid of sharing with them.  Give them some credit.  THey've probably heard it all, seen it all, and been through it all.  It can't hurt at any rate.  And I think you have some realistic expectations of working things out with your wife.  It's going to blow, and hurt, and it's probably going to get way worse before it gets better.  Time is a gift that God gives us.  It can heal lots of hurts.

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Reply #3 from Stardock Forums Top

Good luck Charles. I do hope you find what you need.

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

Whatever floats your boat.  There are many flavors because we have varied tastes.

Reply #5 from Stardock Forums Top

I think you're making a good step in the right direction Charles.   I hope things work out for you.  Keep us informed as to how it's going.  I'd be interested to see your progress. 

 I think the older couple interacting with you is a good idea.  They should be very helpful.  I'm wondering if they'll give you some HW to do?  Usually there are things you need to put into practice when you go to marriage counseling to help you change some bad habits that usually arise along the way. 

I also started out with the CC and am now attend a Baptist Church so I know what a diff that can be after years being involved in going to Mass to attending a somewhat low key simple church.   Good luck. 

 

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I really don't know what to say here.  Well, I do, but I want to be kind.  How's this.  Red flags are flying for me when I read this.
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I can't really say why she didn't go. It's not like I was stopping her. Maybe she felt it would have been better if we went together or maybe she just needed a motivation as well to attend. I guess 2 people not able to motivate themselves to go will not convince the other to go.

On one hand, you just lowered a whole general group of people into the self-serving asshole category, and right after you raised a whole group of other people into saint hood.  I get your drift, but I don't think it's quite so cut and dried.
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Well I can't deny I put every pro marriage counselor with a Dr. in their names down with that comments but I it's just how I feel. I don't mean to say they all suck, I just am not motivated by their need to charge so much to help a person.

Odd parenthetical editorial you added there.
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Guess I wasn't specific enough about that "for once" part. I meant that normally I am the one asking for us to do things and that, even though she asked to go to church in the past, she had not asked in a long time or to do anything else for that matter.

Interesting...this continual use of the word "interesting."
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Yea, I have a dificulty using different words to describe my opinions on things. I tend to stick to specific words that make the most sense sometimes. I am a very curious person and almost everything is interesting to me.

Sweet, new furniture.  Your relationship is fixed!
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The one with my apartment anyways. LOL.

 

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

And I think you'd think differently had it been a Catholic Church they'd chosen to attend.
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nope.  I think getting together with an older Christian couple (regardless of denomination) is very helpful. 

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

And I think you'd think differently had it been a Catholic Church they'd chosen to attend.

Oh, and what Ock said.

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I hate to say it, but I agree. I am happy, not because I chose a particular church, but because I am trying to bring a bit more spirituality to my life. I still feel a bit weird, as if betraying my catholic roots and considering this church uses much more modern music to sing to God rather than the usual, very slow, somewhat boring, organ pipe type of music used at a catholic church, I just thinks it's a bit weird, but maybe I can get use to it. I just felt I needed to do more with my life and maybe going to church can fill that gap I felt, even if it's not my usual choice.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

Whatever floats your boat.  There are many flavors because we have varied tastes.
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True, I just figured, why not give this one a try. The do offer a light snack after the mass with coffee, bread and butter and iced tea, once I notice they start offering Kool-aid I will run the other way. ;)

Reply #10 from Stardock Forums Top

Good for you Charles.  If you were sleeping in the Catholic Church, heh, then that was NOT the denomination for you.

I hope you stick with it.  It will get harder before it gets better.

Good luck.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

Good for you Charles.  If you were sleeping in the Catholic Church, heh, then that was NOT the denomination for you.
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Well I have to say that waking up early on Sundays (a day one does not wish to wake up early) was part of the problem as well. I did however find myself a bit tired this last Sunday (the mass was at 12:30 mid day) and kinda made me feel uncomfortable since it was reminicent of my days in the Catholic church, but for now I will attribute that to my lack of coffee that day.

Reply #12 from Stardock Forums Top

; I am willing to do what it takes to work things out with my wife.
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 CharlesSC,

This seems to be the heart of it.  It's good that you sincerely want to repair your marriage. From what you've said, it seems as though your wife is moving in this direction as well.

People, especially Christians, very often get back to God during difficult times, and so it makes sense that your wife (non-Catholic I presume) wants to pursue faith-based counseling.

So I finally decided to search for my faith again
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This is a critical for true happiness and I hope it's true. 

From one baptized Catholic to another...

You may have left the Church, but the Church, like Christ her Founder, is faithful and has not nor will ever leave you. You can go and come back freely and will be welcomed with open arms and hearts.

Please CharlesSC,  truly examine your conscience and you'll realize that your marriage troubles and unhappiness is because of sin. Humility will acknowedge that and true faith will lead you to the graces of Confession. Pray about it.   

 

 

 

 

Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

The do offer a light snack after the mass with coffee, bread and butter and iced tea, once I notice they start offering Kool-aid I will run the other way.
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Well, your sense of the macabre has not changed. :LOL:

Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

People, especially Christians, very often get back to God during difficult times, and so it makes sense that your wife (non-Catholic I presume) wants to pursue faith-based counseling.
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Actually she was baptized and did her first communion and stuff thru the catholic church, she is just nopt much of a church goer. Kinda like me. Both my kids were baptizes catholics as well. And chances are if I ever marry thru church, it will be catholic. It's just who I am in the end.