Family Foul

Can I just say how happy I am to read this?!?!

Xavier is so similar! He is very moody and if we do something he doesn't like to do, he will make it miserable for everyone with his sulking and picking fights with his brother (heh, ask Loca, she's seen it!).

Adrian is the crack down on him one and I am more along the lines of, it's annoying, but it's a phase and it will get better. I don't like to see him sad, and I don't like for his feelings to be hurt. Of course, they *have* to be hurt. That's a part of growing up. But I hate it.

Xavier will try to be snotty to me, but he knows better than to do it to his dad or do it to me IN FRONT OF HIS DAD. It is so draining and I am definitely looking forward to the beginning of school. I know that's bad, but who doesn't want to get their kids back in school at the end of summer? LOL.

I love my kids and they have a lot of wonderful qualities, but seriously, there are days when I wouldn't mind doing the old-school "don't come home until dark" thing and send them on their way, haha.

I love that your family does such active things. I love how involved and adventurous your family is. I am not an outdoorsy person but I would like it (and the kids would benefit) if we sought out more opportunities for fun outside the house. I thought we would camp out this summer, but we didn't. Although we could do some backyard camping. We might have to do that before summer's end.

That's how I felt when other moms started be-moaning the length of summer...:SURPRISED:

Whew.

Exactly. 

Hunter's 12, will be 13 in November, but I think he's hit the teens early!  That just ain't right.

Also, I made him research childhood obesity when we came home, after he cleaned his room.  Then he had to give me an oral essay on it.  He was so mad, but he did it.  And all the sudden he is a BELIEVER.  I tell him and its WHO CARES?  He reads some random website and its a friggin EPIDEMIC!

hahahaha

 

I think we give him ample time for individual pursuits.  In fact you tell me if its not TOO MUCH.

He worked really hard last year at school.  So I told him, you can play your games as much as you want this summer, but you must get 30 minutes of elliptical machine a day (which he did faithfully until I was gone with family issues and wasn't here to enforce it.  So, yes I really am worried about his health.)  And NO COMPLAINING when we do family stuff.

He agreed.

He literally spends every waking moment, of every single day, playing games...until 12:30 in the morning and occasionally later.  Every. Single.  Night. in his room.  He has friends on line he talks too via a headset and that is almost all the peer social interaction he gets.

When his best friend from school comes to spend the night, the next day Hunter is asking me to take him home so he can have all his systems and room back the way he wants it, without interruption.

When I take Gavin to the park, the pool, or on a bike ride, (we do something every single day, he's a fireball of energy) whatever, I let Hunter stay home and play games since I know he derives no joy in doing those things now, even with a friend along.

When hubby is home and we do something as a family, Hunt is required to go.  That is non-negotiable.  So at MOST two days a week (when dad is in town), and that's if we do something every single weekend.  With all the death and sickness in my family this summer, we've spent most weekends home..or they have, while I have been at hospitals and nursing homes.

So here we are in August.  The boy has gained 15 pounds.  He is ghost white, and some days doesn't get out of his pajamas.  And we are SO NOT TALKING about masturbation on JU....as far as I'm concerned my son WOULD NEVER!  (Leave me my illusions, kay?) hahahaha

Now does that sound like I am requiring him to spend too much time with us?   He does have a few chores, but frankly they are small and he does them fast and efficiently.

Maybe I am too close to the situation but I think the kid's got it pretty good.  I don't have an issue with him breaking away, hell honestly I CAN'T WAIT!  hahahaha.  But, he is STILL part of this family unit, and he STILL has a lot to learn.

My youngest can survive in the woods with nothing but a jacket and fishing pole.  He's 5.  My oldest can't survive two hours without losing his shoes.

It's frustrating.  But you are right...its only the beginning.  Guess this is where I step back and let dad step up.  After all, my husband is a good man...who better to teach my teen to be one as well?

 

Did you check your LW hotmail addy? I sent it to that one the day after you asked....

Let me know.

I actually did this last year when Hubby was in the desert. I thought Hunt was obsessed and didn't have another adult to bounce it off of...so I took him in to see someone. That person told me to chill, the fact Hunter interacted at school, had good grades, and had friends as well as a few outside interests was proof it wasn't interfering with life.

I didn't agree..but he said I was wasting my money.



He isn't into coding too much. He likes to make videos, montages, and other production oriented things. But there are too many games to discover...he just discovered EVE and won't stop yammering about it.

Parenting sux. :SURPRISED:  :p 

Wow. That was when I started getting into really bad internet stuff, 12, 11, 10. You know the stuff. Don't let him have a computer in his room, eavesdrop on his conversations with online people, check the history on the browser, read his IMs, etc.

Video games and computer games are addictive as anything else. They give you a feeling like you've accomplished something when you've really done nothing. Later in life, he will want that feeling of accomplishment and have to play video games to get it, if instead of developing actual skills he pisses his life away on games.

Yeah, I'm projecting.

But, on the claiming he doesn't know what to do stuff - that reminds me of me too. I never know what to do about anything, even when it's obvious and in front of my face. It's a confidence issue, I think, where I might know what to do but I'm not absolutely sure I'm right, so I don't want to get in the way of those who know what they're doing.

Also, if you take away his games and internet, it's okay if he's bored. Maybe he'll come up with something imaginative or creative if you give him enough time. I think my ability to be imaginative and creative was hit hard by being allowed to use the computer or video games all the time.

It gets so that your brain can't let go of the thought of playing a game, so when you're outside doing something, you can't enjoy it because what you really want to be doing is playing that game, exploring it, figuring it out, getting better at it... it's misplaced ambition. Why can't I ever seem to get that going with the Bible, right?

He does have a computer in his room, but he keeps the door open, and I do check his history periodically.



I don't worry about my kids being bored. I also don't like to rip things they consider important away from them willy nilly. He worked hard last year for this summer of computer games. Nine months of the year he only games on the weekend.

He's like most kids his age, or how I remember being. He found something he likes to do recreationally, and wants to do it all the time. I was hoping he'd burn out, but nope. Still going strong.



Which is exactly why we don't let him game during the week while school is in session. He never stops thinking about gaming long enough to be productive and learn some stuff.

You seem like you turned out ok Jyth. I mean any man who rubs his wife's feet has been paying attention...and I doubt you learned it in video games.  

LOL @ how it's who cares until someone else says it.

Great job getting him thinking about his health, though. Impressive.

Being into video games (REALLY into video games) sounds normal to me, but everyone in my family ('cept me) is into video games, so it's one of the things everyone does, separately and as a family activity.

I don't really worry about too much video game time. I just hate it when we're doing something as a family that should be fun and he (Xavier) looks like he's ready to off himself because it sucks so much.

Well its Friday...about 8 pm..I'll give ya a call.:D

You should see it on a 5'4" kid at about 120 pounds, and a snow white face.

SCARY I TELL YA!

 

Well, I am sorry and happy to read this at the same time. You are not alone by any stretch. This scenario plays out all over the place.

I think this kind of thing is more common then people let on. Families are not perfect and they have to learn to be with each other. You don't pick your family, but you do have to live with them. At least for a little while. :SURPRISED:

I think everyone probably has at least one story like this. I would love to give advice, but right now I am considered the worst mother ever.

Not by me Kelly.  I think you are a fantastic mother per our private discussions.

Personally I struggle between wanting to give my kids what they want so they can explore, create, delve into things in depth, to HOPEFULLY uncover their gifts and talents.  And just taking it all away, handing them a library card and saying, get after it.

Finding that middle ground is hard.

I think you have the middle ground down during the school year, but then the summer comes and you let it swing to one side. That's all. One of these school years, he won't go back to school. He'll still be playing games in his head.

Then he risks losing it all.

I hope he's smarter than that.

If not.

He loses.

Video and computer games should be collected up and piled in a field somewhere, dosed with gasoline, and BURNED. I HATE the damn things! They are ruining an entire generation.

Didn't I tell ya 12 stinks? I say it all the time. It's one of my most beloved mantras. We went thru this four times. Every single kid at 12 had issues and they were all different. So don't worry you will get by this. Even 14 is better than 12.

I didn't have the computer problem because I REFUSED to have a computer in the house until David was a senior in HS. We were the bad parents with no computer. They complained but if they needed a computer for HW we went to the library.

But I did notice if they watched too much tv or played too many nintendo games by themselves they were much nastier to deal with. I noticed when I limited these things or just plain outlawed them for a time I would see much more pleasant children.

What helped us was baseball. They started baseball young (about 6) and went all the way up with it. Usually baseball ends in June or so but then All Stars would start and one year we went all the way to the middle of August. We also did summer basketball camps and summer swimming lessons to keep them busy and outside.

I know summer is almost over but maybe you can start planning for next summer now. Put him in a karate class or have him go to a summer camp for a few weeks. They keep them outside and hopping with lots of outdoor activities. He needs to be around other kids his age to hang out with.

We spent alot of time in the summer when nothing else was going on by going to the area lakes where they would find others to hang out with. Sometimes I'd make them pick blueberries for me for an hour or so before we'd go swimming with the promise of blueberry muffins or pie when we got home.



This is so true and it's good to limit such things. It's teaching the kids not to associate with others for hours upon hours. They may be good at computers but their social skills are lacking.

I find things for him to do..but most days I have to come up with it.

Yes I do actually listen when you talk about what worked with your kids and what didn't.  The only big difference is yours are so close in age.  When all else fails they could fight...haha, but there are seven years between mine.  It's not conducive to playing together.

Today we went canoing all day.  Not a single whimper or moan.  I couldn't believe it.  Then when we were done, Hunter and Gavin wanted to stay and skip rocks, and swim.  Of course hubby was with us and Hunt won't moan in front of him because things get hot fast....heh.

I'm sore from all the rowing.  We've decided next time Hunter will be in the front and I will sit in the middle.  I am going to get a double sided oar so I can still play tho.

I agree.  We are trying to keep our youngest otherwise engaged, but its hard because he likes whatever big brother likes.  Luckily, those games are too complex.

Right now Gavin is running through the house with his head sticking out of a pop up tent.  He thinks it will help him fly higher when he jumps.  (And this after several hours on the river.  The kid never tires, I'm telling ya.)

God!  Let me tell you stories of this summer!  LOL!   I've been through the whole gamut, I don't even know where to begin! and I won't!  My son is the same with the Internet addictions and it's all my fault!  I've begun to curb him, but it is always a fight!  Then there have been the times when I have to literally kick him outside to go play or to join the family for some activities.  There were times this summer I did leave him at home because it wasn't fun trying to squash the squabbles between him and his sister, or his whining when he didn't want to do something.  He is so picky and particular I sometimes wonder where did we go wrong?!   Then when my daughter decides that she wants her voice heard too...you can't imagine. There are times I have threatened to leave them on the side of the road, literally and almost did a couple of times!lol!  Kids!  I love them but they are such pain in the asses! Thank heavens school begins soon, but even then that has its own headaches!

I agree Roy!  I've been so guilty of feeding into this demand with my son.  Now my daughter wants a DS Lite for her birthday in October, I've alreayd made a promise that I can't break!

 

I want them to have fun and pursue interests and at the same time be active and involved in thier real life.  It is not easy trying to play the balancing act as we all know as parents.  Sometimes it is sad that our kids do take us for granted, and we let them!   My son is very creative and has done some fantastic videos and game creativeness that I'm amaze at!  I told him I want to see this creativeness used in his school work this year or he's in trouble!

Sometimes they did play together, sometimes not. but I also had three kids I did daycare for so that helped I think. They were the same ages as my three so I had SIX all summer. I used to kick them out of the house when they were younger on nice days but by 12 I was wrapping up the daycare business. No TV, no Nintendo on nice days. Rainy days...that was different.

Hahaha, I remember my eldest, who really was my perfect child, giving me lip at 12. He was laying on the couch bored out of his mind when I told him I had work for him to do. So when he started to complain about how hard his life was (and something about running away) I literally picked him up by the ear, threw him out the front door and said, "bye, have a nice life." I was not happy...in fact furious comes to mind. All the ballgames, scouting and school events I went to and volunteered for and then to hear that.....good grief...it's a wonder I didn't kill him right there and then. And that was the "good" son!  :p 

He made it to the mailbox before he sheepishly came back and did his chores.

I am absoulutely convinced nobody makes it past 12 without some hormonal chaos.

And my youngest was the worse. He stayed stuck in the age 12 mentality for years I swear. But listen to this.....he recently wrote me a note when he married apologizing for all his bad boy behavior and grief he gave me when he was a kid. He thanked us for not giving up on him.

So never, never, never give up. There will be a day, when you will reap the rewards but right now.....it stinks. I know, been there, done that! Now I can sit back and watch my little grandsons do what their father did and grin. It's payback time.  :LOL: 

I won't.

I may cry and whine occasionally, but I won't give up on my kids.  I didn't go through the process of having them to just give them up.  I will get them to 18, and they will learn some stuff. 

That's where it gets sticky for me.  I don't see any reason to deny my son these things simply because they ARE.  It's finding the balance that's hard.  I understand he loves them and enjoys playing.  I'm glad he has things at his age he can enjoy so much.

On the other hand, he is twelve so he wants to go overboard with everything he likes.  So I have to be the heavy.  Yeah, I know its my job, yadda yadda.  But I really don't like it.  It's not the confrontation I mind, but the after effects...haha...days and days of being miserable, and trying to take everyone with him into misery land.

Oh well.  I can do it everyday if I have too.

 

See, this is why I don't have kids.  You, Tex, Kelly, Loca - erm, I mean Boudica and all the other mothers here are doing wonderfuls jobs, as far as I'm concerned.  I have a lot of patience, just none of it for cantankerous kids.

I think Port(ing) is the correct term. It means " you have to pay for the fun". Or some such derivation from antiquity.

Well I am never going on that part of the Little Miami again, guaranteed.  My husband likes the river area "less traveled."  Which means we have to take a chain saw at the beginning of the summer.  I hate that.

I prefer water ways that are basically clear, with an occasional sign of life now and then.  Meaning, another canoe.:P

hahaha.  Parenting ain't for wimps...I saw that on a bumper sticker once.  I thought it was stupid and untrue until my kid turned 12.  Now I want one.