An homage to the AAR.
or; the little race that could.
GalCiv2 Forums
I've been reading a lot of AARs lately, and they've been relatively entertaining. I find it fascinating to see the epic tales weaved into these reports, amidst a silly (albeit engrossingly silly) videogame.
You see, I write quite a bit at JoeUser – I've been a member there for two and a half years now, and I've become a noticeable face and a writer of little renown (but little renown is better than no renown at all, right? ;)). In fact, feel free to leave the confines of the GalCiv forums and come on over to the dark side. Your Stardock ID will log you in there, and you can come play with us big kids. We get to take off the gloves a lot more over there than you do here. (My blog is here. Check it out. Or don't.)
But I digress.
Maybe it's because you all have more grandiose games than I, but I really just play for fun – not for role-playing in any way. (I've mentioned on threads before how poor I am at role-playing, because I refuse to truly immerse myself in the role, always prescient that all I'm doing is playing a game.) So my initial goal in writing this AAR was to 'poke fun' at the genre, to make something entirely anachronistic. But as it's gone along and as I've worked it through in my head (and as the game attached to this AAR has progressed), it has evolved from a good-natured ribbing of the idea of AARs altogether into what is, when all is said and done, an homage to the genre in general and to all those who put so much effort into painstakingly crafting epic tapestries of battles, race relations, and the conquest of the galaxy.
So enjoy. Or, as mentioned earlier, don't.
A little background: As I stated earlier, I use a custom race most of the time when playing (although lately I've been focusing on different races, trying to get a 'racial victory' medal), so I'd better give some information on my race before jumping into the storyline. You see, my epic, space-faring and civilization-conquering race is known as:
The Crapps.
Yes, you read that name right. (Just be glad I've edited for forum use. :P) The Crapps are a race of sentient piles of feces, that reproduce by a twisted form of mitosis followed by mutation into separate beings with distinct personalities. They are fully mobile, and are able to mold themselves into mostly any shape they desire. Needless to say, they are very versatile beings.
Yet these sentient lumps of crap have evolved at a much faster rate than even their human counterparts, developing their own version of hyperdrive three days after the humans released their great find to the galaxy. (You think the Paulos or whoever was sixty years away was pissed, you have no idea.)This is largely due to the fact that they can communicate information by a form of osmosis, rather than needing outdated forms of communication such as talking. Stupid talking. Granted, for purposes of this AAR, it will appear that The Crapps actually speak to one another, but it's not verbal – it's mental, babeh.
At any rate, they're obviously Super Annihilators, because no-one likes poop. (They prefer the term 'Super Repulsers', but whatever.) And they're usually pretty okay guys – they just don't get no respect. They wish they could even make it to Rodney Dangerfield levels of galactic recognition.
But since they don't, they literally spread the good word of The Crapps far and wide. (For the record – I just made this whole backstory up whilst typing. I don't actually care enough to think these things out beforehand. I just play, people.)
Anyway. Like I said, read and enjoy. Or read, and don't enjoy. Or enjoy by not reading. I'm not too picky. Just keep in mind that this is supposed to be very tongue-in-cheek.
At any rate, I hope at least someone can stomach the story of the little race that could – the sentient, mobile, conglomerate of waste known galaxy-wide as The Crapps.
