There is an older couple close to my home who are for various reasons raising their grand children.  The man was medically retired years ago because of massive heart problems.  The woman is long past retirement age, close to 70, but still works every day so they can support their grand children.

I speak with the woman often.  She describes the horror of not having enough money for anything but the essentials, and those only most of the time.  The devastation of starting over with children knowing she may not live long enough to see them into adulthood, etc.

She drives a beat up old blue Nissan with two spare tires on the front.  She works hard all day while her husband sits home, smokes cigarettes, (which I can't believe they can afford), and complains about everything, including how frustrating it is to live with a woman he is forced to take the check book from for having the AUDACITY to go to the grocery store FOUR times in one week.  For SHAME.

His anger toward his wife seems to go back years.  Recently it was brought to new heights when she moved her mother in with them.  He's never liked her family because "all they ever do is centered around the church and God."  The woman is in her 90's and still mentally clear, just physically not able to get around well.

Because we know they are struggling financially, my family will often do things to help them out.  We do these things without asking permission first.  We learned they will always say "No, thanks," if we ask first.  I'm not sure but I think it has to do with their generation and not wanting to ask for help.

In the winter, we shovel their drive.  In the fall, we rake their leaves.  Stuff like that.

Today, I took $140 in frozen food to their house.  Mostly vegetables, but also some things the kids might like..pizza, pot pies, Boston Market mac and cheese, chicken strips, ice cream, etc.  Things I know they can't usually afford but still enjoy.

My son and I carried the bags over, set them down on the porch and rang the bell.  If they weren't frozen items, I would just leave them anonymously, but they needed immediate refrigeration so I waited.

The man came to the door and conscious of his generation and pride I fudged the truth and said, "Hi Mr. J.  I was just cleaning out my freezer and realized I have too much to fit.  I brought this stuff over thinking you can maybe use it because I don't want it to go to waste."

He shook his head and said, "We can't use it."

I didn't want to lug it all back home.  I didn't buy it for us.  I don't have a place to put it if I did.  "Are you sure?  It'd really help me out.  I'll feel bad if I just throw it away.  There's some stuff in here the kids will like, ice cream, chicken strips."

"I am living with a woman who has no idea how to run a household.  We can't take it.  I am throwing $35 in food a way every single week because she has no idea what she's doing."  (Which is a lie because she told me once they couldn't afford more than $100 a week for food.)

I stood there for ten minutes listening to him trash his wife, her family, his grand kids, you name it, all the while knowing her mother was inside listening to every single word.

He refused food for his family out of spite.

Pure unadulterated SPITE.

I loaded back up, drove to buy ice, and was forced to put the stuff in a cooler (what didn't fit in my freezer).

And the whole time I was thinking, would it be rude if I shoved this food down his throat?

I know the family needs it.  They've taken food donations from us before.

Gah.

I have no idea what to do with all this food now.  Except maybe wait until she comes home and ask her, but then he will probably throw it away just to spite them.

Gah!