Becoming Me
Critiques pwease?
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
This is a "you" essay, for college applications. I need to re-structure it a bit, but if you'd be so kind I'd love for you all to critique it. 
Thanks for reading.
What do these five presidents and I have all in common?: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, and Abraham Lincoln. We were all home schooled throughout most of our education. Other “impacters” among these men are: Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Andrew Carnegie, Mark Twain, Florence Nightingale, Claude Monet, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, John Newton John Witherspoon, and Patrick Henry.
Being home schooled for most of my primary education and self schooled for most of my high school career has had many glorious and rewarding aspects. I’ve been given the freedom by my state and my parents to be able to learn in so many different ways compared to the average high-schooler.
I’ve always been a dreamer, an idealist. I’ve always had big ideas for myself and my future. Becoming a missionary in Africa and starting orphanages is one I still hope to fulfill. My “ideal” career changes every other week. It’s changed from photo-journalist to law enforcement, from interior designer to law, from horse trainer to Broadway actress, and from modeling to alpaca breeder. I’m a girl who gets whims and goes with them, a girl who’s optimistic in every situation. I’m creative and like to express myself through my ideas.
I’m a very strong-willed and audacious person with leadership abilities. Being involved in speech and debate my sophomore and junior year have allowed this area of myself to become more developed and controlled.
Of course my parents approve of my education, but I choose the curriculum and am allowed to learn in almost any manner I choose. Instead of a dry, dull history textbook I can delve into historical fiction and understand events from different points of view. Reading the classical literature I want has allowed for a more interesting and feasible.
Being given the immense freedom I have, has been a wonderful experience, overall. Learning from my own mistakes and realizing what I need to do differently have taught self-discipline. I’ve always been a creative leader, and being home schooled has allowed me to express myself that way.
Instead of being stuck doing what everyone else does in gym, I’ve been allowed to horseback ride, run through our fields in the country, play summer softball and pretty much whatever else gives me a workout. My love of animals had spilled over to usefulness. My parents became involved with alpacas in 2000, and since then I’ve gone to alpaca shows, having a professional attitude about myself and taking blue ribbons in showmanship classes. Wanting horses my whole life has helped me to work hard and research thoroughly in order to get them.
“Thinking outside the box” has allowed for error and learning. I know myself so much better than I think a lot of my peers know themselves. It’s because I’ve been allowed to know and express myself differently than everyone else. I’m not a rubber stamp of those whose education was force-fed. I’ve learned to think for myself and understand the world around me. Just like the ambitious people mentioned above, looking through a different colored spectrum has allowed me to do what I love and think independently. Call me free-spirited, call me original, call me Sarah.
Thanks for reading.What do these five presidents and I have all in common?: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, and Abraham Lincoln. We were all home schooled throughout most of our education. Other “impacters” among these men are: Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Andrew Carnegie, Mark Twain, Florence Nightingale, Claude Monet, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, John Newton John Witherspoon, and Patrick Henry.
Being home schooled for most of my primary education and self schooled for most of my high school career has had many glorious and rewarding aspects. I’ve been given the freedom by my state and my parents to be able to learn in so many different ways compared to the average high-schooler.
I’ve always been a dreamer, an idealist. I’ve always had big ideas for myself and my future. Becoming a missionary in Africa and starting orphanages is one I still hope to fulfill. My “ideal” career changes every other week. It’s changed from photo-journalist to law enforcement, from interior designer to law, from horse trainer to Broadway actress, and from modeling to alpaca breeder. I’m a girl who gets whims and goes with them, a girl who’s optimistic in every situation. I’m creative and like to express myself through my ideas.
I’m a very strong-willed and audacious person with leadership abilities. Being involved in speech and debate my sophomore and junior year have allowed this area of myself to become more developed and controlled.
Of course my parents approve of my education, but I choose the curriculum and am allowed to learn in almost any manner I choose. Instead of a dry, dull history textbook I can delve into historical fiction and understand events from different points of view. Reading the classical literature I want has allowed for a more interesting and feasible.
Being given the immense freedom I have, has been a wonderful experience, overall. Learning from my own mistakes and realizing what I need to do differently have taught self-discipline. I’ve always been a creative leader, and being home schooled has allowed me to express myself that way.
Instead of being stuck doing what everyone else does in gym, I’ve been allowed to horseback ride, run through our fields in the country, play summer softball and pretty much whatever else gives me a workout. My love of animals had spilled over to usefulness. My parents became involved with alpacas in 2000, and since then I’ve gone to alpaca shows, having a professional attitude about myself and taking blue ribbons in showmanship classes. Wanting horses my whole life has helped me to work hard and research thoroughly in order to get them.
“Thinking outside the box” has allowed for error and learning. I know myself so much better than I think a lot of my peers know themselves. It’s because I’ve been allowed to know and express myself differently than everyone else. I’m not a rubber stamp of those whose education was force-fed. I’ve learned to think for myself and understand the world around me. Just like the ambitious people mentioned above, looking through a different colored spectrum has allowed me to do what I love and think independently. Call me free-spirited, call me original, call me Sarah.
