Thatoneguyinslc's RANT of the week!

I'm saving Thousands in therapy bills!

from JoeUser Forums
You know what I hate?


1. WAL-MART. You assholes roll into small town America, wreck the local economy, hire the displaced workers at minimum wage and then sell crappy imported junk under the premise of being an “All American Company”. Then you get pissed when cities don’t want you around and fight you to the death to keep you out! I hope you go down in flames you greedy cocksuckers!

2. The US Olympic Basketball Team. Oh WE’RE the greatest team in the world. NOBODY can beat us. Bunch of whiny overpaid ungrateful pussies! Puerto Rico? Lithuania?? WHAT THE FUCK!! Go back to your big houses and your trophy wives and cry to them! Or better yet quit acting like a bunch of spoiled little bitches and play like a team. I hope you lose!

3. Comcast. Home network package….$99.99? Each additional IP address….$5.00 a MONTH?? How about I go get a 4 MB DSL line for 50? Or better yet, set up a router, and put a 14 DB omni-directional antenna on my wireless access point and give my whole block FREE high speed access? Dumbasses!

4. George “the 800 lb gorilla” Steinbrenner. Just have a fucking heart attack and drop dead already. You have turned the greatest game into a joke with your deep pockets, gigantic ego and small penis. Stick to building boats you slimeball!

5. Anne Coulter. For gods sakes woman…Go get laid! But then again with that attitude who would wanna do the “horizontal hokey pokey” with you in the first place? Probably like sticking it in a freezer.

6. My ex-girlfriend Gracie. Telling me you want me back and then trying to fuck all my friends?? Yeah…I’m that stupid! Guess what? I could have nailed your best friend and didn’t. Maybe I should? Nah…You’re just not worth it!

7. Starbucks. Venti? Grande? Tall?? How about small, medium, and large you fake ass coffee burning elitist douche bags! And your “coffee CD’s” SUCK! If i’m ever caught listening to Kenny G while drinking your coffee I hope someone has the decency to put a bullet in the back of my head. Because I’ll deserve it!

8. CNN. You guys have sucked since you merged with AOL. I don’t give a rats ass about Britney’s latest gang bang escapade when i’m trying to find out if were getting ready to finally mop up those idiots in Najaf. Exactly WHEN did you decide that Entertainment Tonight was a legitimate news source? Ted Turner was right. You guys need to GO!

9. American Idol. For the love of god….Make IT STOP!! A bunch of morons who were told by some some other morons that they had talent. You people should all be hunted for sport.

10. Vh1’s “I love the 80’s”. I grew up during the 80’s and it sucked! The only good thing about that godawful show is the wit and wisdom of Hal Sparks and Donal Logue. The rest of you folks…your 15 minutes are up. Just go away while you still have a shred of dignity. Oh I forgot…YOU ASSHOLES HAVE NO DIGNITY that’s why you’re on the show!

11. People who look at me funny for smoking outdoors. You made me stop on the airplane…That’s ok! You made me stop smoking in bars in LA and NYC. That’s ok too! But when I walk 25 ft away from the front door of a building and light up a smoke…….STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! Next time I’m gonna put it out on your forehead. It’s a bad habit. But it’s my life. You know whats deadlier than second hand smoke? A pissed off smoker ripping out your lungs and showing them to you before you die!

12. Old grouchy flight attendants. You have a hard job, i understand, but just because you served drinks on Lindbergh’s flight doesn’t give you the right to act like you own the airline. Remember who’s paying your salary. While you still have a JOB that is.


13. Those cops who tazered the hurricane victim in florida. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING??? Assholes!! I hope to god someday your house is wrecked by a hurricane and then some body hooks a car battery up to your balls and turns the motor over. The poor guy just wanted to go home and find out how fucked he truly was. There’s a special place in hell for people like you.


14. Senator Zell Miller. You call yourself a democrat. But act like a republican, You ‘ve got your nose so far up Bush 2.0’s ass you can smell what hes having for dinner before he takes a bite. Just join the republican party. It’s ok….Really!

15. And finally…FOX. You guys dumped “Family Guy” Like a frigid prom date, then bring it back three years later because its doing so well on Cartoon Network and TBS. What's the matter? The massive audience for “Celebrity Boxing” is slipping? “Joe Millionaire" Just ain’t packing them in no more? Remember, if it wasn’t for the Simpsons, you guys would have been dead long ago. I hope you treat Seth McFarlane a little better this time.

I’m a nice guy…..Really!

Thanks for reading,

Thatoneguyinslc
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8,319 views 36 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
you fake ass coffee burning elitist douche bags


!!! Great line! Quality rant, thatoneguyinslc, very angsty! I enjoyed it.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thank ya Wahine! I consider it a compliment of the highest order
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
WHEW!!!!!! That was a lot of anger unloaded - hope ya feel better!

I especially agree with you on Walmart, CNN and American Idol.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I gotta lay off the coffee i think. 25 cups a day is not healthy....Thanks for your comment Varoom
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yes - Old Hat by now, but this is quite possibly the best rant I have seen in some time... you bitter and jaded person you...



BAM!!!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I didn't know that much burnination could occur in that small block of space. Congratulations, you are now known as the "Flame Thrower"! And I mean that in the best way possible.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
but this is quite possibly the best rant I have seen in some time... you bitter and jaded person you...


Who me?? I'm a ray of sunshine Muggaz!

Congratulations, you are now known as the "Flame Thrower"! And I mean that in the best way possible.


Hmmmm.......I LIKE it...Thanks Bob! And again...Welcome to the dysfunctional family that is JoeUser!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Starbucks. Venti? Grande? Tall?? How about small, medium, and large you fake ass coffee burning elitist douche bags!

All your rants are justified, but the Starbucks one *so* hits home.  The best part is, some of the workers feel that they have to correct you if you pronounce the sizes wrong.  But, some stores (or maybe just workers) pronounce Grande either like "Grahnd" or like "Grahnday".  You never know what worker will take offense to your obvious ignorance to their preferred pronunciation and "correct" you while you're just trying to order a damn cup of coffee.  Better yet- go in there and say "I'll have a large regular coffee".  They usually come unglued.  I don't think I have been to a Starbucks in over a year.  I prefer Coffee Beanery for "special" coffee and Tim Hortons for "regular" coffee.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Never heard of Coffee Beanery (sounds good though!)...And i only go to Tim Hortons when in Caaanadahh! I prefer a local chain in SLC called Beans and Brews. 1.50 french roast and free wi fi. Gotta love it! If you're ever out here, stop on by! If i'm in town the coffee is on me Karma
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Good comments...thanks everybody!

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sweet, and again it should have been a survey! I love to pile on when someone gets a good rant going!
1. Couldn't get into the town nearest my kids w/ a population of over 6000. HA ha!
2. They get paid more in meal money on a month long road trip than I make in a year. Fuck Them!
3. Comcast. Hahaha, assholes. mid tier service and Cable modem 107.00 a month. Fuck you too.
4. Jailbird!
5. ((((Brrrr"))))))
6. You should have! There is more but I can't write it here....
7. How's about roasting the beans not burning them ! where's the grinder?? No Grinder!? You use Pods???F.U.
7.a. Kenny G. I'd eat the gun myself. Do they have any John Tesh?
8. They were bad enough with terrible Ted. Now even worse.
9. Simon on top of paula and randy discussing her lack of "talent" STFU all of you.
10. Sorry Chipr, the 80's blew.
11. Too damn true!
12. I always look for the stupid drunks and offer to help for free beer!
13. Don't know and didn't hear the story yet.
14. Go Zell! make GW happy!
15. We are marching to Petoria!
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Next week i wil make it a rant/survey Geezer. I am always willing to suck up to my audience!

Petoria....My favorite episode...lol
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
The US Olympic Basketball Team. Oh WE’RE the greatest team in the world. NOBODY can beat us. Bunch of whiny overpaid ungrateful pussies!


Could not agree more. I loved watching Puerto Rico and Lithuania put those ego-inflated players in their place. And they did it by playing real, good, team basketball. I might actually care about the NBA if they took a page from that book.

Hilarious read BTW.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
I loved watching Puerto Rico and Lithuania put those ego-inflated players in their place


The nice part was watching the Puerto Rico game. And WHO was the point guard for PR? None other than Carlos Arroyo, starting point guard of my beloved Utah Jazz!
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
OK, related to the Starbucks....

ANY restaurant that has 3 sizes of drinks and calls them anything other than small, medium, and large. When I say large, I want a drink that will bust the bladder of a yak, not some shotglass that you renamed "large" to make your other brink sizes look bigger!
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yes, I think it's high time the government stepped in and regulated the sizes of drinks and their ounce allowance.



-A.

P.S. wish I could rant like you.... oh, well, something to aspire to now.

*winks again*
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
None other than Carlos Arroyo, starting point guard of my beloved Utah Jazz!


Yeah, it actually rekindled my long cold desire to follow the Jazz. He was great to watch.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
ANY restaurant that has 3 sizes of drinks and calls them anything other than small, medium, and large. When I say large, I want a drink that will bust the bladder of a yak, not some shotglass that you renamed "large" to make your other brink sizes look bigger!


It's just so damn pretentious ain't it? Gimme 7-11 (not for their coffee) They say large....they MEAN large!

P.S. wish I could rant like you.... oh, well, something to aspire to now


My rants are caused by years of holding back.. I'm finally at a point in my life i'm worried that if i don't i'll have a stroke!
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
My guess is that you were penning this rant all the way from NY to SLC with the stewardesses, sorry, flight attendants *cough* offering you six ounces of ice with two ounces of soda (bet they'd call it "large").

I've been known to rant. You should've heard me when I was planning a wedding.... but still, doesn't hold a candle to yours.

Cheers.

-A.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
The flight attendant thing keeps popping up on my radar. I fly anywhere from 4-10 times a month so they really get to me after a while. For the record... I do love most of em though
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
I moved to Washington state (coffee lovers captiol) from South Florida(regular coffee, cappucinos on special occasions) so I totally can relate to the Starbucks thing. They ask to many questions and charge way to much. They also sell lattes and espresso at gas stations here! That made me laugh.

O>K> I will admit it..I like American Idol!
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
O>K> I will admit it..I like American Idol!


We have cult deprogrammers on standby for folks like you. lol
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
I moved to Washington state (coffee lovers captiol) from South Florida(regular coffee, cappucinos on special occasions) so I totally can relate to the Starbucks thing. They ask to many questions and charge way to much


Thing is, after having a friend that ran a coffeeshop, I'm a coffee snob and won't touch Starbucks. Reason? Well, let's just say it has something to do with the fact that "French Roast" is overcooking to cover the fact that you're using inferior beans, and large batch roasting cannot provide a consistently reliable outcome....AND, "flavored" coffees are chemicals sprayed on the bean; you're much better adding syrup after the fact (coffee ground in a grinder that has ground those flavored beans tends to have its taste affected).

Toldja I was a coffee snob...lol
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ok, ok, everyone likes your rant. And I'll have to admit, I found it mostly amusing. But I have to say something about rant #1, the Wal-Mart thing. See, thing is, we live in a capitalist society- and Wal-Mart embodies the whole American spirit, the American dream. Our free-market society allows through hard work and dedication, you can be anything you want to be. Sam Walton's Wal-Mart is the epitome of that. Wal-Mart is the biggest and baddest because they sell things at such low prices. It's called competition. If Wal-Mart were truly the neighborhood-robbing, baby-killing, job-taking store that liberals like to make it out to be, it wouldn't be in business. Wal-Mart is the big kid on the block because people shop there. In droves!
And Wal-Mart wrecks the economy? Come on. Wal-Mart adds many more jobs than it's accused of "displacing", and adds more to the local economy just because of the sheer revenue it generates. I don't personally shop at Wal-Mart because I don't like the crowds- but that's my whole point, there's crowds of people there every day because the have a well-oiled machine based on American capitalistic principles.
While I'm taking issue, I guess I should take issue with #5. Ann Coulter is the conservative goddess. She's not afraid to speak her mind, and for it she's berated by the liberal press. For as much as Democrats scream for the empowerment of the minority, you'd think they'd be happy to have such an activist woman speak her mind to millions. I like her attitude and I like her, so I'd be more than willing to do the "horizontal hokey pokey" with her.
Oh, and Zell Miller is about the only Democrat in the senate worth dirt he walks on.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top

Wal-Mart embodies the whole American spirit, the American dream.


according to a study released by the uc-berkeley school of industrial relations at the beginning of august 2004,


  • Reliance by Wal-Mart workers on public assistance programs in California comes at a cost to the taxpayers of an estimated $86 million annually; this is comprised of $32 million in health related expenses and $54 million in other assistance.


  • The families of Wal-Mart employees in California utilize an estimated 40 percent more in taxpayer-funded health care than the average for families of all large retail employees.


  • The families of Wal-Mart employees use an estimated 38 percent more in other (non-health care) public assistance programs (such as food stamps, Earned Income Tax Credit, subsidized school lunches, and subsidized housing) than the average for families of all large retail employees.


  • If other large California retailers adopted Wal-Mart’s wage and benefits standards, it would cost taxpayers an additional $410 million a year in public assistance to employees.

    • other than that...oh yeah and everything thatoneguyinslc said.