My thoughts 6/29/04
About the world and life
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Sometimes I feel that the only one that actually cares about my feelings is jade and this peace of paper. The reason I dont where shirts like this as much as most people would is because most people think i am fat and especially at work most people look at my arms and think just a bunch of cellulite. And actual their much muscular then most people think.
I had some re occuring bad thoughts about my child hood again go through my head. when I was thinking about the proceedure I will have in a few weeks.
I heard if those cotton balls dont come out I will cut them out, I dont care if you bleed to death. So your dad dont find out that you are bleeding lay down so i can put this in your twat lil bitch.
It bothers me so much to hear these. At least Jade has a great mother when it comes to sexual violence. It dont happen and I plan for it to never happen. It upsets me that jade is woowoo excessive.
The procedure coming up on the 20th. IT upsets me alot due to my biopsy I am scared james is going to act the same way where he is sleeping in Angels arms versus mine. And when I cry accept at the end he will here only that one time like he did this time. I am feeling the depressed pre affects I am hoping that it dont happen the way it has with my biopsy.
It upsets me sometimes i feel as tho i am a worthless wife and lover. Because it seems when Angel is near him he is groping james has his hand on his crouch or is rubbing his back and it makes me think that i am not doing enough for him that maybe i screwed up somewhere that when i try to do something like that he will push me away its like i am scared to get too close to james because i have felt so lonely just lately. That is part of the reason I am feeling so crabby and out there where I cant be touched.
Sometimes I think if I went off by my self somewhere the only one that would think anything of it would be jade until james and Angel where done doing what they want to notice me.
I had some re occuring bad thoughts about my child hood again go through my head. when I was thinking about the proceedure I will have in a few weeks.
I heard if those cotton balls dont come out I will cut them out, I dont care if you bleed to death. So your dad dont find out that you are bleeding lay down so i can put this in your twat lil bitch.
It bothers me so much to hear these. At least Jade has a great mother when it comes to sexual violence. It dont happen and I plan for it to never happen. It upsets me that jade is woowoo excessive.
The procedure coming up on the 20th. IT upsets me alot due to my biopsy I am scared james is going to act the same way where he is sleeping in Angels arms versus mine. And when I cry accept at the end he will here only that one time like he did this time. I am feeling the depressed pre affects I am hoping that it dont happen the way it has with my biopsy.
It upsets me sometimes i feel as tho i am a worthless wife and lover. Because it seems when Angel is near him he is groping james has his hand on his crouch or is rubbing his back and it makes me think that i am not doing enough for him that maybe i screwed up somewhere that when i try to do something like that he will push me away its like i am scared to get too close to james because i have felt so lonely just lately. That is part of the reason I am feeling so crabby and out there where I cant be touched.
Sometimes I think if I went off by my self somewhere the only one that would think anything of it would be jade until james and Angel where done doing what they want to notice me.
