Living with HIV
Blogging frommy heart
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Im going to take a little twist on my blogging.
It's taken courage to write about this on here. At first I thought I shouldnt bring it up. But it is a part of me, and what has made me who I am today, especially how I view the world. So here it goes...
Ive been living with HIV (Human Immunodificency Virus) since I was 18, I am now 31. In that time I have seen people die around me, people reject me, people learn from me and people love me in ways I never dreamed imaginable.
To me living with HIV is a part of my everyday existence. You could say I've learnt to live with it. There isn't anything glamerous about it. It's life changing and it never goes away.
At the moment I am well. Really well. I have around 400 t cells, my viral load is around 230. It hasnt always been this good. The road has been rough along the way. I currently am on a regieme of medications called Anti retrovirals. I take them when I wake up and I take them when I go to bed. This ensures my constant reminder that i am living with this Virus. I can never forget it.
The Virus comes up everytime I have sex. Everytime I feel ill. Everytime I meet someone and form a relationship with them. It comes up everytime I bleed. The virus is like another entity living within my body with its own life. I am its host. I have learnt to accept its rythymn and flow with it, not to disrupt it or it kicks up a fuss like a baby.
At times I hate it. At times I feel like a leper. At times I feel like death. But with all this there are times when living with this virus has taught me alot about life.
It's a very personal issue for me. But hopefully I can help others going through it that read this, and hopefully I can help others who dont have to understand more about it. Maybe it will help save others from going through the same experience. I dont know what it will do but I know that most importantly I can have an outlet to express how I feel, and maybe it will help me heal in some way.
I first come into contact with this virus at the age of 18. I met this guy and had sex with him. Loads of sex. All of it was unprotected. At that time I didnt think about HIV, i was invincible, in my prime. Besides he was a counsellor for people living with HIV. If he had it he would have told me and he would have protected me from it. Unfortunately that wasnt the case. He had it. He didnt care. He didnt say anything to me. So I got sick.
I vividly remember going to the doctors with lymph glands in my neck swollen wondering why and the doctor asking me if I wanted a HIV test. I didnt think anything of it. Of course I didnt have it. Two weeks later the tests came back inconclusive. I had to have another test, this time it came back positive. He informed me that I had at most 6 months good health left, that I was going to die and that I had to inform my family and people I had come into sexual contact with.
I was 18. I hadnt come out to any of my family. I had a vision of my future. I was no longer invincible.
I confronted the guy. It didnt seem to bother him too much. I let out my anger. Why didnt he tell me? Why did he let this happen to me? Why did I let this happen to myself?. What was going to happen to me now?.
First thing I did was try and absorb as much information as possible on the virus. What it meant to have it, what my prospects were, what I could do and could no longer do. There wasnt much information back then. I was going to die. I had to get my life in order. I had to tell the people I loved, and I had to prepare for death.
Since that time I have seen my doctor every month. I have had that many blood tests that my veins are scarred with the needles. I have come to know more about my body and my immune system. I have taken toxic drugs to help fight it. I have taken herbs and potions to help my body. I have worked with people living with HIV, set up support groups, experimented with different methods of healing and talked with alot of people.
Thankfully I no longer am preparing for imminent death. Forteen years have passed and I am still here. I am healthy. I have the support and love from the majority of my family and friends. For this I am most thankful.
No longer do I have a vision of my future. No longer do I feel invincible. No longer do I see the world through the same eyes. I am still alive. Everyday counts. Everyday I learn something new. Everyday something changes.
As im about to post this..it has just started to rain. Only a little.
It's taken courage to write about this on here. At first I thought I shouldnt bring it up. But it is a part of me, and what has made me who I am today, especially how I view the world. So here it goes...
Ive been living with HIV (Human Immunodificency Virus) since I was 18, I am now 31. In that time I have seen people die around me, people reject me, people learn from me and people love me in ways I never dreamed imaginable.
To me living with HIV is a part of my everyday existence. You could say I've learnt to live with it. There isn't anything glamerous about it. It's life changing and it never goes away.
At the moment I am well. Really well. I have around 400 t cells, my viral load is around 230. It hasnt always been this good. The road has been rough along the way. I currently am on a regieme of medications called Anti retrovirals. I take them when I wake up and I take them when I go to bed. This ensures my constant reminder that i am living with this Virus. I can never forget it.
The Virus comes up everytime I have sex. Everytime I feel ill. Everytime I meet someone and form a relationship with them. It comes up everytime I bleed. The virus is like another entity living within my body with its own life. I am its host. I have learnt to accept its rythymn and flow with it, not to disrupt it or it kicks up a fuss like a baby.
At times I hate it. At times I feel like a leper. At times I feel like death. But with all this there are times when living with this virus has taught me alot about life.
It's a very personal issue for me. But hopefully I can help others going through it that read this, and hopefully I can help others who dont have to understand more about it. Maybe it will help save others from going through the same experience. I dont know what it will do but I know that most importantly I can have an outlet to express how I feel, and maybe it will help me heal in some way.
I first come into contact with this virus at the age of 18. I met this guy and had sex with him. Loads of sex. All of it was unprotected. At that time I didnt think about HIV, i was invincible, in my prime. Besides he was a counsellor for people living with HIV. If he had it he would have told me and he would have protected me from it. Unfortunately that wasnt the case. He had it. He didnt care. He didnt say anything to me. So I got sick.
I vividly remember going to the doctors with lymph glands in my neck swollen wondering why and the doctor asking me if I wanted a HIV test. I didnt think anything of it. Of course I didnt have it. Two weeks later the tests came back inconclusive. I had to have another test, this time it came back positive. He informed me that I had at most 6 months good health left, that I was going to die and that I had to inform my family and people I had come into sexual contact with.
I was 18. I hadnt come out to any of my family. I had a vision of my future. I was no longer invincible.
I confronted the guy. It didnt seem to bother him too much. I let out my anger. Why didnt he tell me? Why did he let this happen to me? Why did I let this happen to myself?. What was going to happen to me now?.
First thing I did was try and absorb as much information as possible on the virus. What it meant to have it, what my prospects were, what I could do and could no longer do. There wasnt much information back then. I was going to die. I had to get my life in order. I had to tell the people I loved, and I had to prepare for death.
Since that time I have seen my doctor every month. I have had that many blood tests that my veins are scarred with the needles. I have come to know more about my body and my immune system. I have taken toxic drugs to help fight it. I have taken herbs and potions to help my body. I have worked with people living with HIV, set up support groups, experimented with different methods of healing and talked with alot of people.
Thankfully I no longer am preparing for imminent death. Forteen years have passed and I am still here. I am healthy. I have the support and love from the majority of my family and friends. For this I am most thankful.
No longer do I have a vision of my future. No longer do I feel invincible. No longer do I see the world through the same eyes. I am still alive. Everyday counts. Everyday I learn something new. Everyday something changes.
As im about to post this..it has just started to rain. Only a little.
