Babysitter's Explaination

Still Not Satisfied

from JoeUser Forums

If you read my blog about what happened last week with my sitter, you might be interested to know that I got her to come over and had a talk.  I had written her a stern email since I couldn't reach her on the phone.  I told her we really needed to discuss what happened but the fact that she and her boyfriend (she is 19 and he is 21) together thought it was okay to send my 7 and 3yr old boys out in the dark stormy night by themselves, prevents me from having them sit again.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.  I figured this was a melodramatic, over emotional response to what was going on so I told her she should sit and talk things out for a bit.

This girl was adopted along with her younger biological sister.  The younger sister is still living with the adoptive parents whereas this young woman is living with her biological, paternal grandmother.  I guess her mom totally disapproves of the situation and has cut her out of her life.  The younger sister is siding with the mom.

On to her explaination of the events of the evening in question.  She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

All the while I am thinking "I sure would have liked to have known about this before I ever left you alone with my young children!"

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

Anywho, I kept asking why the hell they sent my little guys out in the night.  She said she told them to go to our neighbors and see if they could take care of them.  Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

When I told her that made absolutely no sense since there was nothing wrong with her boyfriend, he could just call us at the 3 numbers I left, keep the kids there and we would/did send someone to take care of them.  I straight out told her that 19 and 21 yr olds should have enough sense to not send little ones out in the stormy night by themselves.  What if they would have been in the driveway or street when the EMS came flying in?!  They wouldn't be looking for little guys out by themselves!

She cried a lot, told me more about her awful family situation, and I told her that she needs to get help.  She said her grandma got her in to see a psychiatrist.  I told her to keep in touch.  The kids will be heart broken that she won't be sitting anymore.  They thought it was all very exciting and that the firemen were very cool.  I just feel sick whenever I think about it.

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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top

Oh, my!  She sounds like she really needs help!  There is no reason that two adults should have ever reacted that way.  I really doubt that 911 needed directions, either.  They all have gps that pinpoints the location of the call (they can do that with most cell phones now, too, which is the same technology that OnStar uses).

Ack!  What a mess.

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
That sounds less like an explanation than histrionic blame pedaling. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of her before something even more serious happened. *shiver*
Galactic Civilizations IV
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ok, I'm going to pick her excuse and explanation to pieces now....sorry, it's an investigator thing.

Well, she entered the house in tears.  Said she wasn't fit for babysitting and that she doubted she would become a teacher either.

You're spot on about the melodrama.  Much used, fairly transparent diversion tactic.

She says that she was in a car accident when she was first driving and suffered a head injury.  She says she can't remember anything about the accident and has these episodes a couple of times a year.  She says it is almost like a siezure.  Sometimes she just passes out.  Others she shakes uncontrollably and often hits her head as a result.

If this is a medically documented issue then she wouldn't be allowed to hold a driver's license. So, she either lied to the DVLC or to you.  Either way, she lied. 

Now my 7yr old said that she threw up at one point.  She says she only felt like it but she never allows herself to throw up because she is too scared of having an eating disorder.  I don't feel I can believe anything she says because the day after this all happened she tried to tell me she thought it was food poisoning.

More lies.  She can't keep her story straight at this point because she's forgetting the lies she told you in the first place...so she's having to backtrack and cover up.

Her boyfriend was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher that, according to the sitter, required him to give them driving directions.  She said that she feared the paramedics wouldn't be able to get there and they would have to go to the emergency room.

I have difficulty believing that.  They have GPS, street maps...they're very technologically advanced and I highly doubt that would be the case.  And why didn't she call you as soon as they called 911?  What wouldhave happened if she did have to go to the ER?  What would have happened to your boys?

In my professional opinion (oooh, that made me feel important!) I think she had a bad reaction to some illicit substance.  I think she's BS'ing you.  I'd really like to see the EMT's report, I think it would be really illuminating and would blow her story totally out of the water.

I'm glad she's not sitting for you any more

 

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sounds to me like she was making a lot of excuses for a total lack of judgment on both their parts. Lots of people have rough lives, but most of them manage to work through them and lead responsible lives. Hopefully getting some counseling help will benefit her.

Consider yourself lucky to be rid of her before something even more serious happened. *shiver*


Absolutely!! It's scary to think about what MIGHT have happened.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I appreciate your professional opinion Dharma.  I think I am going to see about getting the EMT's report.  I honestly don't know what to think is worse a) she had a bad drug experience or b) the two of them were simply senseless.


I do know that only grandparents will be babysitting until I can properly interrogate a new sitter.

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Jill, That's too bad. It's awful to find out when something potentially dangerous could have happened to your children under someone else's care. Aside from my sister, it is usually my parents who look after my girl... and she's a lucky girl for it. I'm glad that she's able to have such a close relationship with them because of their generosity.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
ummm, how much detail about this person did you know before you entrusted her with your children's lives? That'd be the day some psycho frig-stick would ever enter my own home, let alone be left alone with my kids. Holy crap. Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter. This proves my point really. My kids are home-schooled, and are never out and about without one of their parents with them. No chance. Call me silly, but my kids are well safe and very secure knowing that. Actually, it's a joke in our house! I would say, "kids, your mom and I are going out tonight, you have a babysitter to watch you..." they ask "who?" and we say "someone we met in the newspaper, and he/she say they like kids so hey! They're perfect! My 7 year old knows I'm kidding and rolls his eyes. See? He KNOWS it's a joke to get a stranger to watch him.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

Miki, perhaps you should read the background info before you pass judgement like that.  Jill has said that this girl has had a regular gig sitting for her in the past and that there weren't any problems until last weekend, which is what makes this incident look more and more like drug use because it's so out of character.


I'm sorry that you seem to think that the rest of us don't measure up to your standards of parenting.

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

Oh, and you're welcome, Jill.  Anytime, my cyber-sister!


I'm going to go do some checking into the legalities of your obtaining the EMT report.  I'll let you know if I can find anything.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

Miki, you can bet your ass I knew a lot about this girl before ever having her spend time alone with my children.  I think you might get a wake up call when your kids are teens.  You can keep them in a bubble and they will still do things that make you think "What the hell was going through your head?!"


This girl is someone we have known since she was 12.  She lived in our old neighborhood and babysat for just about every family we knew.  They all spoke highly of her before we decided to try her.  We even watched her with the kids while we were there before leaving her alone with them.  She was 16 before she sat for our kids.


Either she decided to try drugs recently or she had some kind of psychotic break. 


Guess what Miki, shit can happen when you are with your kids too.  There is no "totally safe" way to raise kids.  If you are home alone with two little ones and you lose consciousness, then what?  Shit happens.  We just have to hope that it doesn't happen and try to minimize the risks.  I broke my leg while home with my 6 and 2 yr olds.  That could have turned out badly.  Luckily I was able to get to a phone and find a neighbor friend to take the kids while my hubby came home from work to take me to the hospital.


I might be defensive right now Miki, but you come off as a bit condescending.  You seem to think you are the best parent on Earth.  Well good for you.  My kids have never broken a bone, gotten an awful disease or been hurt in any way.  My older one is an incredibly smart and talented boy and my little one is a stinker but getting sweeter all the time.  I think I am doing a fine job.


My kids mean everything to me but I don't think it is healthy for any of us to create a little world where they don't experience anything without me and vice versa.

Dharma, thanks for all of your support and for sticking up for me.

 

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top

Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter.


Some days there are simply not enough trolling ratings to satisfy the need.

Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Jill is a wonderful parent and I have no doubt in my mind she totally checked out her sitter. I think it really wrong to attack her parenting, esp. since you didn't know the whole story.

Miki` You are going to have a hell of a time when your keds are teenagers, we give our kids two important things, one is roots, and the other is wings.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
What a scary situation! I have to agree that it was drug use. There are too many holes in her story. However, I think she has gotten at the age, that she wants dealing with lots of pressure (perhaps from the boyfriend.) and a new set of friends. I believe you did the right thing and keep up the updates.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top

Some days there are simply not enough trolling ratings to satisfy the need.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter.


Sometimes there ARE no questions to ask that will tell you something like this would happen. And unexpected events can happen even when you, as a parent, are there with your children....you could pass out, have a heart attack, become violently ill, etc.....that's LIFE...it's not always predictable and scheduled.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top

Janders, thank you so much!  I get defensive when people suggest I am not careful with my children.  They are everything to my husband and me.


Poetmom, you are so right.  Unexpected things happen and it is easy for people who haven't had things happen to point fingers and those who have and judge what should or shouldn't have been done.

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
lmao! youse all are wishing you could troll me to death and for what? Lol. For me saying one should be vigilant when it comes to strangers caring for your children. Holy fu**ing s**t folks. I sit with my mouth agape, in disbelief in where these attacks are coming from. Condescending. Whatever. Troll me people, cause I deserve it. I am a troll for saying one should be careful as to who cares for your own flesh and blood. Bad bad mikimouse. So youse can all get back to your need for a babysitter so you can go see a movie or to fill your 'need' to have time alone away from your children. I can't believe the things you all are saying when it comes to parenting. Yeah my kids will be teenages and yeah sure they'll make my life hell.....you can all feel free to anticipate and hope for that time to come. But you won't find me allowing any drugged up neighbourhood kids watching my own offspring and then attack another parent for offering a good solution for keeping your kids safe from harm and degredation.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top

Maybe be more vigilant when it comes to questions to ask any prospective babysitter.


That's all you said, and Miki, out of a 13 sentence response, that one sentence. That's not offering a solution. All you did was criticize her and set yourself up on a pedestal as a perfect parent.


Don't play the victim, because you're not one.  Jill's the victim here, not only because her trust was betrayed by her sitter, but because you acted like an asshat to her. As far as I'm concerned, you deserved that trolling rating.  Not because you disagreed, but because of the manner in which you presented your disagreement.

Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
"All you did was criticize her and set yourself up on a pedestal as a perfect parent"
Nice revisionist history. And it's bullshit. I offered good advice to someone who had a very unfortunate potentially dangerous situation with their young children while they were nowhere near those said children. Nothing more. Pedestal? What the hell does that mean? That I claim to be a better parent than anyone else? I let facts speak for themselves, IF anyone ever desires to hear those facts, which they never do. We've never used a babysitter and never ever ever will. Like I'd EVER let some person I didn't know care for my loved ones. Lmao! "Oh but I DID know her, she's been around the neighbourhood for years". Well, I don't consider that knowing someone. All it proves is that the person is visible when I look out my front window. Nothing more. That she's visible. Geez. Why is anyone on MY arse over this?
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think Janders put it best when she said

we give our kids two important things, one is roots, and the other is wings.


What happened was a very unfortunate situation, but in no way was it Jill's fault. Children shoud not be unnecessarily sheltered--not allowing *anyone* else to watch your kids is a bit excessive in my view. I was a nanny throughout college for a pack of boys (a 2 year old, four year old twins, and a 6 year old). It was one of the best jobs I've ever had, and I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure those kids were safe. Life can get a little crazy with four boys, and there were a couple of times that I had to call for backup because one would get injured, or sick and need a lot of one-on-one attention. When those things happened, family or friends would usually swing by and entertain the other three. Children need supervision and protection, but do not necessarily need to be completely sheltered. I just don't think it's a healthy way to raise your children.

Jill, if I lived closer, I'd be happy to watch your boys!
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top

Why is anyone on MY arse over this?


Because you acted like one, that's why.


Everything anyone says to you is 'revisionist history' or we're putting words in your mouth, or we're all against you...you never say anything wrong, we're all just picking on you. 


You're playing the victim again.

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
oh ok. my pointing out things is being an arse. I see. You said I put myself on a pedestal. I never said that. Fine. Let her get another neighbourhood junky kid to watch her children again. I'm sure they love the exitement of the ambulance arriving. Victim.....yeah. Right. Lmao.
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top

I offered good advice to someone who had a very unfortunate potentially dangerous situation with their young children while they were nowhere near those said children.


Condescension and presumption there.  We were 15 mins away from our children and had several neighbors who would have been at our house in a split second had the sitter actually contacted us the way she was instructed to do. 


Dharma and shades, thanks again my cyber sisters!


Miki, I pity your kids.  You have got to be one of the most closed minded people I have ever heard of.  Not ever letting anyone watch your kids is extreme.  If you want to shelter your children from the world and limit their experiences as well as your own, I pity your whole family.


Being a good parent also involves paying attention to your marriage.  If you are always with your children, how are you connecting as a couple?  But that is another subject.


Apparently being vigilant in who we let watch our children involves not letting anyone other than ourselves watch them.  You never know everything about anyone else.  Like I said, we had known this girl since she was 12.  Interacted with her on almost a daily basis.  Knew plenty of other couples who had used her as a sitter.  The kids love her.  She was an honor student in private school.  Not exactly a "drugged up teen" like you mentioned.  Plus, 19 is an adult last time I checked.  There was no apparent reason to doubt her ability to take care of my kids.


I didn't troll you for any of your comments.  I do feel defensive though and I think you have plenty of issues.  I feel sorry for you that you have no faith in others.  Sure, sometimes you get burned when you trust someone else.  If you never take a risk, you never get the big rewards that are out there in life.


 

Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top

Fine. Let her get another neighbourhood junky kid to watch her children again. I'm sure they love the exitement of the ambulance arriving. Victim.....yeah. Right. Lmao.


This was completely uncalled for and if you insist on offering this kind of spiteful shit on my blog you will have the honor of becoming the first person I ever blacklist.