DELETE THIS POST it is Obsolete What is this ?

What happened to....

"He was cremated under a low flame for Twenty minutes, and lightly browned on both sides..."? ....

Don't give up, someone may yet manage to raise him.

don't know lost some from going from Word 2003 to Word 2007

??

"What's the name of your penis?"



A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies.' "

The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him, he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "Timex."

The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"

The fell’a proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "Ford, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine Chevy... Like a Rock!" and gives a wink.

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is Secret.
Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE
FOR A WOMAN!"

Baby Talk

Two babies were sat in their cribs, when one baby shouted out to the other,
“Are you a little girl or a little boy?”

“I don’t know, “replied the other baby giggling.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Said the first baby.

“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference, “Was the reply.

“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling. “I’ll climb into your crib
And find out.”

He carefully maneuvered himself into the other’s babies crib, then quickly
Disappeared beneath the blankets.

After a few seconds he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.

“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.

“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “But how can you tell?”

“It’s quite easy really.” Replied the boy,









“You’ve got pink booties And I’ve got blue ones.’

Now Shame On You What Were You Thinking?????

A tough old cowboy from Montana, counseled his grandson that if he
wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun
powder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103.

When he died he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great
grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole where
the crematorium used to be.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


1 }On Sears hairdryer:
“ Do not use while sleeping.”
( Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair )

2} On a bag of Frito's:
“ You could be a winner ! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
( Evidently , the shoplifter special )

3} On a bar of Dial soap:
“ Directions: Use like regular soap. “
( And that would be how . . . ? )

4}On some Swanson frozen dinners :
“ Serving suggestions : Defrost.”
( But it’s *just* a suggestion )

5} On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert : ( printed on the bottom of the box ):
“ Do not turn upside down.”
( Oops, too late ! )

6} On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding :
“ Product will be hot after heating .”
( As night follows the day ….)

7} On the packaging for a Rowenta Iron :
“ Do not iron clothes on body.”
( But wouldn’t this save even more time ? )

8} On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine :
“ Do not drive a car or operate Machinery after taking this Medication.”
( We could do a lot to reduce the rate of accidents if we could just get
Those 5-year-olds with head colds out from behind the wheel ..)

9} On Nytol Sleep Aid : The Pharmacist love this one…
“ Warning : May cause drowsiness .”
( One would hope )

10} On most brands of Christmas Lights :
“ For indoor or outdoor use ONLY .”
( As opposed to what ? )

11} On a Japanese food Processor :
“ Not to be used for the other use .”
( I gotta admit , I’m curious. )

12} On Simsbury’s Peanuts :
“ Warning : Contains nuts.”
( NEWS FLASH )

13} On an American Airlines packet of Nuts :
“ Instructions : open packet, eat nuts.”
( Step 3 : Fly Delta . )

14} On a child’s Superman Costume :
“ Wearing of this garment dose not enable you to fly.”
( I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one )

15] On a Swedish Chain Saw :
“ Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.”
( Was there a chance of this happening somewhere ? .. Good grief )

16} On a bottle of Palmolive Dish washing Liquid :
“ Do not use on food .”
( Hey, Mom, we’re out of syrup, It’s ok honey, just grab the Palmolive ! )

17} On a Bottle of ALL Laundry Detergent :
“ Remove clothing before distributing in the Washing machine .”
( Hey kids , no more swimming in the washing machine )