Is 3 Months Long Enough...?

Maybe, it depends on the individuals involved. I really don't think it matters what anyone on the outside of that relationship thinks, even if you're related to them! If someone feels they know a person enough to marry them, then whose gonna make it not happen? You won't get in their way because his/her mind is made up!

In reality, it doesn't seem to be enough time, because it takes a lot longer to really know a person 'inside out'.

That's why I'm venting here, instead of at the mother-in-law. It's not really anyone's place to say anything, so I won't.

I agree that it takes a lot longer to really know a person 'inside out,' but I'm not even looking for that much knowledge.

Honestly, I think they're just jumping at marriage for the sake of the dessert of marriage, not the main course of marriage.

No!

Thanks for the quick answer, MM!

Actually, now that I think about it, she decided to marry him after only 2 1/2 months. A month of that was just talking on the phone. Bah. The wedding is happening in two weeks, and I found out about it today.

If she has only been married to 2 people, and been married 4 times, she must have married one 3 times, or both twice.  Weird.

And to answer you, she should give it longer.

One 3 times. Not for very long any of the time, I don't think it ever went 2 years, but I may be mistaken. She is weird.

I think it's too soon. I think you still haven't seen each other at your worst at three months. Whether deliberately or not, we all try to show our best selves when we first start dating someone. You have to see someone at their worst and know that you still love them to commit to spend the rest of your life with them. I think it should be a prerequisite to take care of each other when you're really sick before you can get married. Then you can see what you're getting into.

My wife rarely gets sick, so I'd still not be married. But, we did have times where we almost broke up. Heck, times when we did break up. It seems it was meant to be. But it took us a couple years tie that knot.

I think 3 months can be enough time, however probably not for someone who's been married four times (even if it was to only two men).

She's already demonstrated extremely questionable judgment in this area.

I'll give you the answer my mom told me when I was young...you should at least date a full year, go thru Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, go thru all four seasons with him before you even think of marrying. See what he's like year round I guess.


Sounded good to me at the time. I don't think a year is unreasonable.

Love is patient.......lust is in a hurry.

Gene:

Good point about the questionable decision making shown previously.

KFC:

Love that take on it. Go through all four seasons. You never know, he could always have a cold in winter and you don't want to take care of him, and can't stand the sound he makes when he sneezes, but he's sneezing every 5 seconds... okay, that's kinda shallow, but still. It can definitely lead to resentment.

Love is patient, lust is in a hurry, definitely.

little-whip:

Thank you for the personal story. I didn't know you had only been married to Simon for a few years. I'm glad you were able to get out of the first one alive. Sounds like that was a feat in itself.

Now, with a relationship with the online communication, if that communication is honest and true to who you are, and not a persona you created, then you should be all right. See, when I met my wife, she was exactly who she said she was, which was great. But I wasn't. See, I'm a lot of things online that I'm not in real life. They're in there, but I thrived in an environment that allowed me to be charming without A) having to do anything, and feeling self-concious about it. Now, I was able to be less self-concious than I would have under normal circumstances, but it's still there. And I don't really know how to get rid of it.

little-whip gets a cookie.

I thrived in an environment that allowed me to be charming without A) having to do anything, and feeling self-concious about it.

I know what you mean. I'm much more reserved in person than I am online. I used to be so charming and witty online that I'd attract women, then be so shy and insecure offline that I repelled them.

I actually do get that charming and witty again after getting to know someone, but no-one wanted to stick around long enough to cross that bridge. Which is all for the best, of course.


(Actually, come to think of it, I've had that happen in totally real world environments as well, where women would be attracted to me after seeing me around other people, then I'd throttle it back around them. Still, if anything real were there, they could have waited for me to get comfortable with them and throttle it back up. Completely their loss. )

Luckily, my wife (then girlfriend) had moved across a timezone to be with me, so she pretty much was committed to at least give it a go.

I find, the more people in the group I'm in, the less likely it is expected that I will say anything, and the more likely it is I will have a witty remark based on something someone else said. Therefore, that's when I'm at my best - I don't have to say a lot (I'm shy) and when I do it's usually a hit.

Based on my experience, and obviously that of many others on here, you really can't judge. It totally depends on the people. Some of my parents closest friends met and married in a month and they have been married for 30+ years.

I only have one marriage to base my experience on but I think the survival of marriage depends as much, if not more, on the commitment of the two people throughout the marriage than how well they know each other before.

I just don't want to be posting a similarly titled article based on the length of the marriage.

Why the rush?  Why don't they live together for while first to see if it will work out?  It's not like this is her first marriage....or possibly failed relationship.  Why are they so rushed?

I lived with my husband for a couple years before we got married.  Probably would have lived like that for a long time but his parents and grandparents had their undies in a bunch over us "living in sin".  So, since we didn't see any reason that we would split up, we got married.  Decision went like this.  One night, I said to him: "Maybe we should get married one of these days".  He said: "yep".  So we did.

I would say no. But hey, if there are people out there willing to do backyard wrestling just for fun regardless of the painful end results, why not get married 3 times to the same guy, divorce him 3 times then marry an internet guy 3 months after you met him? So long as Hillary Clinton doesn't propose a $1 billion bill that would pay for the divorce expenses.

I think that's her next plan... that would DEFINITELY buy some votes.

I'm sure she'd only pay for the woman's half, though.

Mind your business.

Thank you for resurrecting this thread to post that stellar piece of wisdom. I am blown away by your insight.

As an update, they're having some problems. A little to do with each other, and a little more to do with the academic achievement (read: lack thereof) of his son. Since they met in the summer, it was not an issue at all, because he was on break. Well, great. I now appreciate the 'waiting a full year' point of view a lot better, because then this would've come up.

Also, nobody bothered to ask my mother-in-law's children if she would make a good Mom him, and that would have gotten at least one 'no.'

Grown children should not have a say in what the parents do with their love life (before is a more complicated issue). But should only exists in fairy tales and dreams, not in reality. The reality is they do have an impact, and they can help to make or break a new marriage as well.

Removing that lust aspect would certainly make for better genuine relationships. And I mean the ones that are solely lust-based. Nothing wrong with some good old fashioned lust between consenting adults, but too often the lust/love line gets confused.

So here's what I recommend. Throw down the shower curtains and break out the Wesson Oil and everyone have sex for about a year. Worldwide orgy until the lust bug is totally spent. Then see what happens when sexual repression has been removed from the equation.

Ok, it's partially a joke - but think about it psychologically a bit and see where it leads

Straight to HELL.   

  

Ock, all lust does is breed MORE lust. Now everytime you look at everyone you'll have a memory of sex with them. And then you'll want more. Especially that jazz musician there.   

No, children shouldn't have a say in the love life, but would you want to get a new Mom for your kids without finding out from her kids what kind of a Mom she is?

That is his decision and responsibility. And people do change (sometimes, not always). But then that goes to your original issue of waiting too. If they wait then that gives them both longer to find out how they are year round, and not just when the moon is full.