You just never know when the next tear will fall

...so why can't she tell me this stuff face to face??

from JoeUser Forums
Ok, so the day had been totally horrible, bad from the get-go. I stubbed my toe when I woke up and knocked stuff of the side table in my hopping-around-trying-not-to-scream dance. Things just went downhill from there at work.

When I got home I was greeted by my daughter who was in fine hormonal form. "DADDY!!!!, MY COMPUTER ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE!!!!" I could not get her to talk to me in a normal voice. I went in to see what I could see.

The computer was working, but not connecting to the network. I rebooted. It said that it had found new hardware: A network card. Uh, oh. I tried 15 times to re-install the drivers..no go. In the meantime, smoke is coming from the girls ears. She " like, totally" needs to get on AIM and Yahoo and chat. Well that wasn't happening.

After the 15th time of re-installation from a different angle, the reboot produced the ol' 'This vxd or that .sys is corrupted and your system has been halted.' Crap and double poop! My daughter went nuts: yelling and screaming about how I broke her computer and I should have just left it alone, yada yada yada.

I was really, really pissed and had absolutely no more patience. I looked at her, put down my disks and geek tools and said "Girl, if you can't talk to me in a normal voice, I'm outta here" LMAO She pretty much threw me out the door cursing me, and all my paternal antecedents. Phhhttt... I went outside and smoked a cigarette.

I was so mad. I was so frustrated at that piece of junk machine she's got. (normally I build the machines around here, but I ended up buying an iSystems machine a couple of years ago. iSystems, apparently, is now out of business). I was also angry at myself for letting her get me so mad. We both went to bed that night without another word between us.

The next morning I looked at this little book Megan had put together for a school assignment. It was entitled 'Autobiography'. She did a really great job with this thing, pictures, drawings, embellishments, etc. I came upon a page titled "I Know..." It was an article about the things 'She Knows'
The second paragraph was the one that nailed me to the floor: "Another thing I know, and I really hate to admit it is that my Dad is probably the coolest Dad around." it went on to describe her perception of our relationship. I had no idea she felt that way. The women in my life are fairly unavailable emotionally and I had been feeling kinda down about it lately.
I was sitting on the couch.
I just started sobbing.
I needed that.
Big Time.
1,958 views 6 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow, that article really hit me. Hard. With 2 daughters, the oldest of which is an already very emotional 5 year old (okay, next week she will be 5) it really helps me to hear from others that, despite the yelling, and anger, they can still love us.

I think I needed to hear that today. Thanks for sharing.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

As you know from reading my blog, my 11 year old is hormonal as well.  She and I have been clashing pretty frequently recently, and it always ends up in tears - hers first, followed later by mine.

You sound like an awesome dad, David.

Can I ask why you feel the women in your life are emotionally unavailable?  I feel that way about my husband sometimes.

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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks BlueDev I'm glad I could help a bit.

Dharmagrl: I think it goes back to the "learned it from their mothers" thing. Her mom is just like this and her mom and dad 'seem' to have the same type of relationship we do. They live next door (whole new article ), so I see them frequently. They way it looks from here is that my wife decided that after she had the kiddos, that was it. She had done her 'job', her 'thing' and decided that her career was going to be the primary focus in her life. Now don't get me wrong, she is not completely unattached from the children, it's just not what it should be IMHO. The kids relate to her in kind. That's what is so sad about all this. They don't get the loving, kind, and even disciplinarian, MOM figure that kids should get. I keep wondering what they will take with them into adulthood. How is this going to affect their relationships with the women in their lives. We shall see. or Only time will tell.

As for us, it feels like a frienship. A long lasting one at that (we've been married 25 years). It's just that I miss snuggling That kind of thing doesn't interest her anymore. My frustration has gotten me | | that close to a black belt lol. Keeps me honest.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

My husband uses the same reasonings when I ask him about his lack of affection and distance.  His family is not given to spontaneous displays of affection, hugs, kisses and such, so therefore Dave (my husband) had (and still has) difficulty expressing himself in that way.  When we first got togehter it was quite a big bone of contention between us - but 10 years later it's diminished slightly. He's a little better about giving it, and I'm a little better about taking less. 


I do miss snuggling, though. There's nothing quite like curling up in the arms of the one you love, the one who knows you the best. 


I know what you mean about the black belt..I personally find swimming to be very theraputic!

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

werewolf <<<<HUG>>>

I always feel so sad when I hear about marriages turning into more like friendships than anything.  I wish I had some magic wand that could erase all that.

I know that a lot of women lose their identity when they have children.  They feel like it's an all or nothing type thing.  It's hard to balance being a working Mom and taking the time to spend with the kids.  Your daughter's anger may be because she doesn't get enough *real* time with her Mom.  I know my daughter gets mighty cranky when I don't spend enough time with her.

I guess the best you can do is be the best Dad possible and hope for the best.  You can't change how your wife lives her life- only she can do that.

I think I will go off now and try and invent a magic wand for you Hi!

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
KG you are totally good folk. Thanks for your words. I agree to be the best Dad I can and let the chips fall where they may. Looking forward to a wand treatment.

I notice you have your magic powers at JU too (your flower icon)