Going to the Urgent Care Clinic for Blue Balls

I spent most of today cleaning since Spring Break is over and school starts tomorrow and I wanted our routine to get off to a good start.

I was close to having everything I wanted to do done and in time to watch The Simpsons, too.

Out of nowhere my middle child announced that he had something in his ear.

Ok. It could be wax. I've seen the insides of his ears.

"It's a little blue ball," he told me.

I asked him if HE put it in there (obviously he did because little blue balls don't just magically materialize inside ears).  He did the Bill Cosby I-don't-know routine before finally softly admitting that he did put it in theren for reasons unknown to himself.

He defended his actions by telling me that he had put a tiny ball in there on a different day and it had fallen out all by itself. Great defense.

I got out my trusty otoscope to check out the damage (I'm using that thing way too much).

Sure enough, there was a shiny blue blockage inside his ear. I considered trying to pry it out with a sterilized metal curette, but just before attempting it I realized I would probably push it in farther and make things worse.

We were all ratty from chillin' and cleanin', so I made him scrub the blue stuff (Flavor-Ice? Marker?) off his face and arms. We all put on clean clothes and I slapped on some make-up so as not to frighten anyone in the clinic.

I had the terrific foresight to DVR The Simpsons, Family Guy, and American Dad before we headed out the door.

When I signed in, the Officer at the desk tried to discourage me from having him seen by warning me that it was a 3 hour or more wait.

I explained what was wrong, and they decided one of the medics could take us into a room and possibly just quickly grab the ball and we'd be on our way.

I knew it was pretty far in, but no one ever listens to me.

Sure enough, the medic confirmed that he would need to be seen by someone with some seriously cool ear accessories and also noted that the inside of his ear was a little bloody.

Sitting in a waiting room for 3 hours with 3 children should be the punishment for stealing cars or kicking puppies.

We made the best of it, though. The boys were incredibly well-behaved, drawing and playing and talking with their sister. Izzy's bedtime rapidly approached and she was super grumpy, but we did ok.

After several hours of waiting we were taken back to a room to wait some more. The boys had fun playing doctor and pretending to shock each other. Isabella laughed the most I've ever heard her laugh.

We did palm-readings on each other and I found out that in the future I'll have two dogs and live in medium-sized metal house. And I'll be married to a handsome man. Hopefully it's Adrian.

Orian also kept farting and remarked that he had "international gas"...hahahahha. He meant intestinal, but I think international gas sounds way better.

When my little guy was finally seen, he turned out to be a bit of an enigma. They tried to flush the bead out with water, but it didn't budge. They also tried to pry it out with metal chopstick things and that didn't work (and it hurt him). They had a plastic curette but decided against using it.

They gave up and called in the doctor.

We played more games while waiting for the doctor (only way I can keep the boys from trashing the place) and the doctor happened to walk in while we were cutting up and being stupid. I'm sure she thought I was nuts.

I know the Officer we saw wanted to lecture my little guy on not putting things in his ears, daddy-style.

Maybe we should have been more somber.

The doctor looked and confirmed that whatever it is (it came from under the entertainment center, btw) is way back there.

We have a referral for Ear, Nose, and Throat tomorrow and that is sure to suck. I wonder how they're going to get that thing out.

One of the guys who saw my son said he should sleep on the afflicted ear. Give gravity a shot at it, I guess.

Tomorrow is round 2. Wish me luck.

(PS - I know I'm behind replying to my other articles, but I'll catch up, I promise!  I'm not ignoring you guys.  I check JU all the time...I just don't always have full use of my arms for typing.)