I need a screw

from JoeUser Forums
Today I am annoyed and very irritable. I have the very strong desire to screw my brother's best friend but it doesn't seem right. He's my bro's best buddy, outside of Frank, and in that weird messed up, we're all connected way, I'm his best friend. Make sense? Not to me either. He's just so unbelieveably hot and everything I like in a guy. Perfect for me. absolutely perfect. He even said so himself at one point. So why aren't we together? Screwing at least. Because he's slightly older and his best bud is my bro. Also, he's got something going on with a girl he calls his soulmate. aargh!! I have no problem with older men, had a slight affair with one who was way older than me when I was younger but that's another story. Complexities of life strike me down again. You find the perfect guy but the wrong situation, time and circumstances. Ok, that was a minor rant by me, sorry but this is bugging me major big time.

Got sent home from work because I spilt coffee all over myself. Hee hee. Why, hee hee? Because I pretend that it had scalded me through my clothes and was burning like hell. Also it was so bad I'd have to change. What they didn't know was that the coffee was ice cold, as it had been sitting there for ages and that I spilt it on myself on purpose. I desperately couldn't concentrate though and everything was irritating me, heat, light, breathing, everything that could bother me did. So I went for a walk then decided to hit this internet cafe where I am now sitting writing, letting off more steam. Phew.

Since when did sex become so taboo. Women have to be the one to tell it straight, to say out loud I wanna screw you. Men are so difficult now. They don't say anything, give away no clues. Aargh and aargh again. When will a guy just come up to me grab me and tell me?
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1,682 views 5 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Listen, Sister Sue!
Men don't say much because women have all the power, unless everyone is buying into some sort of nonsensical fundamentalist paradigm. If the national culture weren't so sex negative that an alien onlooker might consider immaculate conception to be plausible, at least in the U.S., then guys would still be willing, humbly and worshipfully, to ask. The most incredible force in the universe is female orgasmic energy. That, and that alone, is what every man looks for and longs for(although quite a few are so ignorant that they THINK they're trying to get their own rocks off). I've written a screenplay based loosely on the ancient Greek story, Lysistrada, which is the prototypical gender genre yarn for twenty first century America.

As to your bro's friend, unless your brother is TOTALLY OPPOSITE YOU, he's probably wondering why you and his bud haven't gotten it on already. And the fellow himself fears offending you---many women are TOTALLY fucked up about commitment and such, believing that their conceiving of sex as sacred somehow gets rid of the blood and carnal lust of the act---and, like you say, is so HOT that he's well-satisfied(never satiated, mind you, but for a moment or two), and so glories in the energy you share together. If, as makes sense, your brother is a cool guy, just ask the friend to meet you for coffee sometime when you have a few hours, and everything else will take care of itself. If for some reason your brother feels insecure about his friend consummating lust with you, then DO WHAT YOU DO HERE, SILLY GOOSE!! Write him a note explaining everything, and how you want to be his secret 'friend', a special treat that both of you can remember for all your days.

Just make sure you do plenty of yoga and stretching beforehand, as you'll obviously need it. YUMMMMMM!!!! BTW, I'll be your special friend, if there's any chemistry between us. I have always liked women who were rational AND hot about sex; it's the only way that works, in the scheme of human history, what with there only being one thing certain and all. Good luck, and

Ciao for now,

Jimbo
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top


When will a guy just come up to me grab me and tell me?

Because guys don't want to get the shit slapped out of them and be called a pervert. That's what would happen 99% of the time. All a girl has to do is drop a few inviting hints!
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
>>When will a guy just come up to me grab me and tell me?

As soon as he's sure you're not carrying mace and there are no cops nearby.

Seriously, in today's climate that just seems... dangerous, even if you DO know the woman really really well.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
hmm when rape is legal?

I'm sure Scarlett if you asked your brother and explained the situation and your intense feelings to him, he'd give you the thumbs up. Besides, what guy doesn't look out for his buddies' sex life?
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Forget about this boy, I am the ideal 'older gentleman'. I am 48 years old, not that old really, and to top it all off I'm a sophisticated English billionaire. Will you come to my Gloucestershire estate so that I may mount you?