What would you or your spouse do if...

from JoeUser Forums

(What would you or your spouse do if...) you found out you had a child you didn't know about, or your spouse had a child you didn't know about?

I know, I know, it's the stuff of Maury Povich, or Jerry Springer, or the soap operas on TV, the stuff of romance novels, made for TV movies on channels such as Lifetime and such, but what would you really do?

As a person that grew up in a time when, shall we say, love was more free, and sexually transmitted diseases weren't as prevalent, or at least the ones that were (known) out there weren't as likely to be apparent death sentences,  I think about a time when I was with someone long before I was ever with my spouse.  I think of the unprotected encounters, and an actual "scare" when my partner told me she "missed."  Though she had told me she couldn't get pregnant, miracles do happen (as my neice is a testament of) and sometimes people that can't get pregnant do.

Years have passed since I broke off with that partner, and -- to the best of my knowledge -- she wasn't pregnant and we didn't break up in one of those 'once more for old times sake' manners, but... she could well have ended things with me while still carrying a child that I would not have known about.  We were youngsters ourselves, still in school, doing what youth in the 70s did as they got older and hormones raged.

I wonder sometimes what I'd do if there ever came a knock on the door and on the other side stood someone that looked like me, but whom I'd never have seen.  Further, just what would my wife say about it?  Though she knows my history (for the most part) and I know hers (again, for the most part),  it would be a shock I'm sure.

How would something like this impact you?

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1,697 views 9 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Again, I'm not suggesting that I would expect such a surprise, but I wonder how it would be received if it were to happen.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Name change, new birth certificate, hack into the NCIC and Military computers to erase fingerprint data...
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Name change, new birth certificate, hack into the NCIC and Military computers to erase fingerprint data...


chicken!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
chicken!


Chicken, cheap, smart...semantics
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I hope I could love my husband's child as well as my own. I would be mad at the mom though for keeping a secret and denying both father and child the relationship.

Of course I've been married 20 years this year. So any kids from before would be grown.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
This happened to a friend of mine and it was very hurtful because the child was the same age as her daughter, therefore he had been with the other woman at the same time he was with her. They paid child support but he didn't have a relationship with his son until they divorced. Not because of this issue, there were many problems in the marriage.

I think it would depend on the circumstances. If previous to our relationship it would be completely different than if it was during our relationship. Hopefully, this is a soap opera I will never have to live through.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think it would depend on the circumstances. If previous to our relationship it would be completely different than if it was during our relationship. Hopefully, this is a soap opera I will never have to live through.


I agree w/that. I would be more hurt if that happenned during our relationship!


However, I would want him to have a relationship w/his child.


One day I may tell this story, but my dad had that experience and we didn't meet our brother until the funeral of my dad. Long story. He's in the UK with his wife and kids now.

The funny thing was we all, (kids) knew about it and didn't get to meet him because his mom migrated to the UK. It was painful for my mom, but it happened at a time when my folks separated during their relationship. Yeah, you men who can't keep your pants on....but anyway...he's a great guy and my mom liked him and welcomed him in our home.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

The way I see it, I dont have any.  Of thaT I am sure.  As for the ex?  Hell!  Rabbits would be jealous.

But to the point, should my WIFE come up with some (she actually did, but before we were married, so I knew), I take her lead.  She accepts them, so do I.  Period.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Without a doubt, I'd want to raise the child as my own. Any child of my husband's would be half him, and because of that s/he would be precious and I wouldn't be able to close my heart to him or her.