Random Thoughts
what a catchy title
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I'm completely overwhelmed by the kindness of Dharma. The other day by accident I caught an article she wrote...and it moved me to tears. Then I noticed another one of her recent articles in the margin...I saw the title and was even more overwhelmed. I just didn't know what to say. I sent the links to my husband, with the subject line, "Wow, look what's going on at Joe User," but I can't put into words how thoughtful Dharma is, and how humbled I feel.
As far as feeling humbled goes, have you ever gotten that feeling at Christmastime......when someone gives you a present you weren't expecting, so you didn't have anything prepared to give them in return? I guess one could call it "The Christmas Guilt". It's not that you never think of them or love them any less, but you simply didn't have a present for them. Well I kinda feel like that now...so I just want to say to anyone who's aware of Dharma's kind deed that she's invited anyone in on who chooses to participate...I've grown to know and respect you all, I still do, and I will continue to feel that way. Whether or not you participate IT"S OK! Thank you just the same for being great writers with interesting things to say. That's what keeps me coming back here.
P.S. I want to apologize for any griping I've been doing in regards to our family's personal financial situation. First of all, whining about such things is tacky, and secondly we deserve to learn some hard lessons about budgeting and setting priorities. We've pinpointed our woes to the car we bought at the beginning of the year. It consumes well over the recommended 30% of my husband's income. So there. We're dumb and we deserve to learn a lesson.
P.P.S. As for worrying that my baby was going to come home naked, rest assured that she wouldn't have. (And another thanks again to Dharma, I'm embarrassed that you were concerned about that.) Even before we *charged* a pink little outfit for her to come home in, we AT LEAST had some gender-neutral clothing for her that my son wore as a baby. So contrary to any whining I've been doing lately, our family is all-in-all well fed and properly dressed for this cold winter we're already experiencing.
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There are a lot of things on my mind right now.
My issues with food. I've pinpointed some of them.
1) This bipolar thing -- when I'm feeling manic I don't feel hungry. My stomach growls, but I feel no urgency to respond, being too busy whisking around the house, around the town, getting dozens of things done all in one day. It occurred to me a couple days ago -- I'm not just neglecting my own nutritional needs this time -- normally that wouldn't be such a big deal -- but now I've got a baby growing in me and right now she needs more food now than she ever has. So tonight I forced myself to answer those hunger pangs. A carrot, a slice of bread, a hunk of cheese, a Flintstones vitamin, and water. I had grapes there too but remembered that fruit gives me a tummyache when eaten alongside other foods. Let me tell you, that little snack took effort to choke down because I didn't FEEL like eating. It was a chore. But baby liked it. She thanked me with a kick in the ribs.
2) Having been immersed in the Little House on the Prairie novels recently, I've become empathetic toward the simple way they lived their lives back then. They lived and thrived off the land. I felt so connected with that, that I've been feeling guilty for not living off the land as I strongly feel God intended. So food at the grocery store, restaurants, etc has been losing its appeal for me. Don't get me wrong--I'm still of a somewhat rational mind. I DO eat plenty, but not without considering many things first.
3) I used to be an emotional eater and an over-exerciser. But somehow when I met my husband that tendency has taken a back seat. I guess food was my substitute for male companionship, but I didn't realize it until I had a male companion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now the above section may lead to this next worry I've been having:
Is my fetus healthy?
Over the weekend I didn't notice her jumping around and kicking a whole lot, if at all. But since I was busy I didn't really CONSCIOUSLY notice the lack or reduction of movement. Sunday night I finally settled down and took a nice warm bath. During the last couple of months, whenever I rest, the baby starts kicking. So I couldn't help but to notice during the most relaxing bath ever, she was still. Still as can be.
I told my husband, just to give him a "heads-up," but I told him not to freak out because frankly she moves when she wants to move. Then we lounged to watch a movie.
And she started kicking me. Plenty of kicks. Whew.
Tuesday I had my weekly OB appointment. My doctor did his routine check for her heartbeat. For an uncomfortable several moments as he searched around my belly, there was silence. His face went pale, and he asked me if I'd been feeling any movement. Yes, I told him I had felt her moving, as recently as when I was sitting in the waiting room. Then just at that moment, he moved the wand to the other side and found her heartbeat. Healthy and strong.
Another whew.
Now of course all scenarios go through a parent's mind at times like these. When we were driving home I asked my husband, "Tell me how you would feel if for some reason our baby was born with some sort of disability."
He looked at me as if in shock that I would even suggest a thing, he raised his voice a little and assured me, "I'm her daddy! I'd LOVE her no matter WHAT!"
Then I said, "No, really...think about it. How would you REALLY feel if we had to care for this child for the rest of her life as if she were a nursing home patient?"
We both thought about it and came to one simple agreement: We hope she'll be just fine and healthy as can be. Period.
(But we'll deal with any adversity should it come.)
Since I sat down for a midnight snack to tame my growlies, she's been kicking. She always kicks after a good meal. :)"
As far as feeling humbled goes, have you ever gotten that feeling at Christmastime......when someone gives you a present you weren't expecting, so you didn't have anything prepared to give them in return? I guess one could call it "The Christmas Guilt". It's not that you never think of them or love them any less, but you simply didn't have a present for them. Well I kinda feel like that now...so I just want to say to anyone who's aware of Dharma's kind deed that she's invited anyone in on who chooses to participate...I've grown to know and respect you all, I still do, and I will continue to feel that way. Whether or not you participate IT"S OK! Thank you just the same for being great writers with interesting things to say. That's what keeps me coming back here.
P.S. I want to apologize for any griping I've been doing in regards to our family's personal financial situation. First of all, whining about such things is tacky, and secondly we deserve to learn some hard lessons about budgeting and setting priorities. We've pinpointed our woes to the car we bought at the beginning of the year. It consumes well over the recommended 30% of my husband's income. So there. We're dumb and we deserve to learn a lesson.
P.P.S. As for worrying that my baby was going to come home naked, rest assured that she wouldn't have. (And another thanks again to Dharma, I'm embarrassed that you were concerned about that.) Even before we *charged* a pink little outfit for her to come home in, we AT LEAST had some gender-neutral clothing for her that my son wore as a baby. So contrary to any whining I've been doing lately, our family is all-in-all well fed and properly dressed for this cold winter we're already experiencing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are a lot of things on my mind right now.
My issues with food. I've pinpointed some of them.
1) This bipolar thing -- when I'm feeling manic I don't feel hungry. My stomach growls, but I feel no urgency to respond, being too busy whisking around the house, around the town, getting dozens of things done all in one day. It occurred to me a couple days ago -- I'm not just neglecting my own nutritional needs this time -- normally that wouldn't be such a big deal -- but now I've got a baby growing in me and right now she needs more food now than she ever has. So tonight I forced myself to answer those hunger pangs. A carrot, a slice of bread, a hunk of cheese, a Flintstones vitamin, and water. I had grapes there too but remembered that fruit gives me a tummyache when eaten alongside other foods. Let me tell you, that little snack took effort to choke down because I didn't FEEL like eating. It was a chore. But baby liked it. She thanked me with a kick in the ribs.
2) Having been immersed in the Little House on the Prairie novels recently, I've become empathetic toward the simple way they lived their lives back then. They lived and thrived off the land. I felt so connected with that, that I've been feeling guilty for not living off the land as I strongly feel God intended. So food at the grocery store, restaurants, etc has been losing its appeal for me. Don't get me wrong--I'm still of a somewhat rational mind. I DO eat plenty, but not without considering many things first.
3) I used to be an emotional eater and an over-exerciser. But somehow when I met my husband that tendency has taken a back seat. I guess food was my substitute for male companionship, but I didn't realize it until I had a male companion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now the above section may lead to this next worry I've been having:
Is my fetus healthy?
Over the weekend I didn't notice her jumping around and kicking a whole lot, if at all. But since I was busy I didn't really CONSCIOUSLY notice the lack or reduction of movement. Sunday night I finally settled down and took a nice warm bath. During the last couple of months, whenever I rest, the baby starts kicking. So I couldn't help but to notice during the most relaxing bath ever, she was still. Still as can be.
I told my husband, just to give him a "heads-up," but I told him not to freak out because frankly she moves when she wants to move. Then we lounged to watch a movie.
And she started kicking me. Plenty of kicks. Whew.
Tuesday I had my weekly OB appointment. My doctor did his routine check for her heartbeat. For an uncomfortable several moments as he searched around my belly, there was silence. His face went pale, and he asked me if I'd been feeling any movement. Yes, I told him I had felt her moving, as recently as when I was sitting in the waiting room. Then just at that moment, he moved the wand to the other side and found her heartbeat. Healthy and strong.
Another whew.
Now of course all scenarios go through a parent's mind at times like these. When we were driving home I asked my husband, "Tell me how you would feel if for some reason our baby was born with some sort of disability."
He looked at me as if in shock that I would even suggest a thing, he raised his voice a little and assured me, "I'm her daddy! I'd LOVE her no matter WHAT!"
Then I said, "No, really...think about it. How would you REALLY feel if we had to care for this child for the rest of her life as if she were a nursing home patient?"
We both thought about it and came to one simple agreement: We hope she'll be just fine and healthy as can be. Period.
(But we'll deal with any adversity should it come.)
Since I sat down for a midnight snack to tame my growlies, she's been kicking. She always kicks after a good meal. :)"
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