please remove

I'm going to be laughing all day! NT, this is really funny!  
[I usually answer the phone in a very old man's voice, like Jim Ignakowski from Taxi]  

Thanks - I'll remember to use this method.

Thanks - I'll remember to use this method.

An obvious fake ...but the idea behind it is clever.

Thanks for the chuckle, NT.

Quite funny, and not unlike things I"ve done when answering the phone....an old ladie's voice, a man's voice, a coughing continually, all kinds of goodies. Thanks for sharing with us

oh oh oh oh oh oh

I am so peeved at this subject right now. I got like maybe 8 telemarketer calls yesterday at work.

One call went like this after I said........ Hello?....."We're sorry we have to put you on hold. Your call is very important.....CLICK!! The click? That was me.

Then I got another. This caller sounded Indian...like he was calling straight from India.

"Hello ma'am may I please speak to Christopher Small?"

"There is no Christopher Small that works here."

"But Ma'am, I know he works there, may I speak to him?"

Click.....again, that was me.

Phone rings again.

"Ma'am you hung up on me."

"Because I told you no Christopher Small works there."

"Ma'am may I speak to a disp....." CLICK. Me again.

The rest were automated. That's getting more prevalent, the automated calls. Maybe because the telemarketers are getting tired of getting hung up on. I was way too busy at work to deal with this stuff.

I usually answer the phone in a very old man's voice, like Jim Ignakowski from Taxi

I simply ask them... "What are you wearing?" They hang up instantly.   

I give them to Gwendolyn (who is six). Everyone has a good time.

I always ask, "are you reading this from a script?"

They always reply, "Yes."

So I put them on the spot and say to them, "If you can put it", (the script they're reading from), "into your own words, I'll listen to what you have to say."

They always stumble a bit then hang up.  

So tell me....

Is..."eff off you annoying piece of shite" not entirely PC or genteel?

2007 in Aus you will be able to 'opt out' of receiving such calls...which technically makes any subsequent ones a 'criminal' offence....

All that means is we get more of the crap while they 'can' in '06....

I get calls where they ask for my mother or my father.  "sorry, they're not home now".  "can we leave a  message".  "No, I don't do messages for them".  Click   

Or my favorite "may we speak with Mr or Mrs So and So".  "Sorry... they're not available".  Click. 

My theory is if you don't know my name, I don't wanna speak to ya.

I also opt out on telemarketing calls... but still get an occasional few.   

We went from Bellsouth service to a Cable phone about a year or so ago and for a couple months we had no calls at all. Then my wife re-ordered checks with the new phone number on them and within 2 or 3 days of using the first check we started getting calls........leave your phone # off your checks and tell store clerks you only have a cell and that number is private.

My wife has her method "Hello.....oh yes I'm very interested....oh, just a sec someones at the door.." and then she sets the phone down before they have a chance to reply. After she hears the off the hook tone she hangs up. After 2 or 3 trys they give up.

My favorite is the one where you answer and it's a machine waiting to see if someone answers. When the person finally does pick it up I just stand there and listen to them say "hello...hello....is anyone there?....hello....

I just ask them for their phone number and tell them I'll get back to them. When they say they won't or can't give it out I say...So....you don't like people bugging you at home either...neither do I and hang up.   But I get very few calls from them.

2007 in Aus you will be able to 'opt out' of receiving such calls...which technically makes any subsequent ones a 'criminal' offence.

That went into effect here in the US awhile ago and has worked pretty well but the faxes just keep pouring in. I really appreciate the spam faxes selling copier ink. The faxes are super duper large font and even superer duperer boldness to drain the ink.   

That went into effect here in the US awhile ago and has worked pretty well but the faxes just keep pouring in. I really appreciate the spam faxes selling copier ink. The faxes are super duper large font and even superer duperer boldness to drain the ink

Yes, I get those....and am planning to send an invoice to them for consumed 'consumables'....then, on non-payment thereof have their credit rating compromised.  [My uncle [deceased] pioneered a credit reference company here in Oz [and overseas] about 40 or 50 years ago].

I once had my fax no. confused with the order dept of a Nature-medics company....was quite handy being woken at 3 in the morning by phonecalls...it took a lot of chasing to resolve...until I suggested that I simply could 'alter' the details before sending the faxes on to them...change delivery adresses...and skim a bit of cash out of various credit card details....more effing idiots....

send an invoice to them for consumed 'consumables'....then, on non-payment thereof have their credit rating compromised.

Way to go, Jafo!!    fax paper gets expensive, and the late-nite calls...well...  

Best way...trace the call...transport to location....cut their effin' throats.

Got a telemarketer 11.45 last night! (Sunday Oz time)

My response: "You've reached the Commonwealth Police, Telecommunications Section!", had him hanging up faster than a rat being chased up a drainpipe by a feral cat.

Shortest telemarketing all I've ever had....let's just hope he passes the message on to all his colleagues not to bother dialing my number.

Best way...trace the call...transport to location....cut their effin' throats

remember: Conan Doyle, "The perfect crime, by definition, is that no-one knows it was committed."

remember: Conan Doyle, "The perfect crime, by definition, is that no-one knows it was committed."

Ah, but the perpetrator would always know....hence, by virtue of the fact most people have a conscience, no crime is perfect.

Generally, particularly ingenious crimes result in exploit bragging.

Hence, the perfect crime is aided and abetted by selective amnesia, the Tardis (to be back before it was committed) and a frozen leg of lamb (boneless). You microwave then eat the murder weapon after the victims skull has been concaved. Oh, and the Tardis comes in handy to transport corpse to an alien world....no evidence, no crime!


Best crime, however, is the one which isn't committed.

Got another persitent telemarketer earlier....and I got creative.

Me: "Look, you've caught me on my night off, but while I have you on the phone, I'm also in telemarketing selling share accomodaton holiday package deals, and I'm wondering if I could interest....."

The guy interrupted me there and set forth to sell me an unbeatable mobile phone package that came with $50.00 free credit and totally free calls from 7.00pm to 6.00am to any mobile phone on any network.

Me: "Do you have an annual income of $55.000 plus, and if so, do you have an A1 credit rating, because if so, I can offer you a Bali package that....."

Again the guy interrupted me, firstly with the fact that Bali could not possibly be a destination of choice since the bombings: and secondly; with questions regarding my current mobile phone deal.....I again interrupt him.

Me: "Okay then, if Bali isn't to your liking, I can offer you two weeks each year in Sri Lanka, and another two in either Saudi Arabia or Tibet. Or what about.....

Him: "But sir, I just want to tell you about this unbelievable mobile phone package, at a quarter of the cost our nearest competitor could offer....."

Me: Yes, yes, I understand that, and I will give you that opportunity if you'd just give me a few moments to explain our package deals and how you can holiday in 5 star luxurious accomodation for four weeks annually, at just one sixth of our nearest competitors prices......"


Click....beep, beep, beep, beep.

Guess he must've ended up going with Iconem's Bargain Vacations instead

Found this hilarious (telemarketers nightmare) gem on the net and thought I'd share it here .....WWW Link

Be warned, it's stuff and you might need a kleenex for the tears of laughter.