Getting Married

or; how people (must) change

from JoeUser Forums
I had a friend a couple of years back, a guy I met while I was on my mission. Name of Bobby Nichols. He was a good kid. We were partners on the mision for six weeks together. We had a lot of fun, but he was one of the most immature people I'd ever met. (Consequently, hanging out with him was buckets of fun, but really immature - I mean, I'm pretty sophomoric in my own right, but this kid made me look like freakin' Mohatma Ghandi!)

I mean, this was the kid that helped our neighbor build a boat out of cardboard and duct tape whilst I was busy doing my district leader nonsense, which they promptly put in the pool and watched it sink.

This was the kid that would entertain me at night with his tales of seeing the Bigfoot at the foot of Mt. Rainer, or tell me all about his belief in the Hollow Earth Theory. (If any of you want a good laugh, check out that link. For the record, no one in mainstream Mormonism believes this nonsense. This is weird, fringe characters who totally misinterpret scripture.)

At any rate, I figured that marriage was a ways away for the both of us. But I've come to find out that my good buddy Bobby - who never had a stable relationship in his life - is now getting married!

What the CRAP!?!?!?! Was all I could bring myself to say as I read his e-mail. He's getting married in December. She seems like a nice enough girl, they're a cute couple, but . . .

I'm way, WAY too young to even contemplate marriage (nor can I, as many of you know, even seem to keep myself in a relationship). But here ol' Bobby is, popping the question.

How weird. I don't know how to respond to that, besides congratulate him. More power to him for finding the right one and not being afraid to move his relationship to "the next step".

But I'm sure glad it's him and not me! ;)
dating
6,215 views 15 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Maybe he's matured in those years. Maybe she's the one. I guess time will tell. How old are you anyway?

My marital advice would be not be in a big hurry. If it's love it will last and if it isn't it's probably better that you figure that out before you get married.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
A good woman can make a boy grow into a man.  Maybe he got lucky and found the right lady.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Maybe he's matured in those years. Maybe she's the one. I guess time will tell. How old are you anyway?


It's very possible, but it's still weird . . . we're both 22, by the way.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....turn and face the strange changes...


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How true, Whip, how true!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
we're both 22, by the way.


Wow that is young to be getting married. Of course if you're not thinking about those younger in age who get married with the permission of their parents and then again, at those time it's usually a gunshot-type thing! Hopefully it's not that in his case! But hey, he could have definately changed and found his soulmate!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Of course if you're not thinking about those younger in age who get married with the permission of their parents and then again, at those time it's usually a gunshot-type thing! Hopefully it's not that in his case! But hey, he could have definately changed and found his soulmate!


I'm sure there will be no shotguns at the ceremony . . . but she's even YOUNGER than him! I guess that's Mormons for you, as a general rule . . .
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
but she's even YOUNGER than him! I guess that's Mormons for you, as a general rule . . .


Meh, I think that is an irresponsible misrepresentation of things. People like to say that, like to stereotype the religion that way. And while the religion plays a role, to just say Mormons are "like that" is oversimplifying the case.

There are few things that will make someone grow up faster than moving far from home and being the primary go to person when it comes to the spiritual welfare of hundreds/thousands of people. As you are well aware, that sort of experience can greatly changes people. I think there are a lot of us for whom that change manifests as a desire to move on to the next stage of life when we get home from our missions, ie. stop playing and start our own families.

That isn't the reason everyone gets married young, but it is the reason for a lot of us. And just chalking it up to good old Mormon sexual repression or indoctrination is pretty unfair. To do so among other Mormons (who understand the reasons better) is one thing. To do so to others who already have poor information and misperceptions of our faith is another entirely.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
The above post is from Capt. Underpants' older brother, who did get married young (barely 22) to a girl who was younger than him.

And it has continued to be a wonderful marraige that, as of today, has thrived for 8 years.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

The above post is from Capt. Underpants' older brother, who did get married young (barely 22) to a girl who was younger than him.

And it could be applied to Catholics as well. Just ask Billy Joel.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well you can be shocked and still congratulate him i suppose, heh! It depends on an individual whether they're ready for marriage or not. And he could be making a mistake but then again anyone is likely to make a mistake no matter how old they are when they wed...
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
There are few things that will make someone grow up faster than moving far from home and being the primary go to person when it comes to the spiritual welfare of hundreds/thousands of people. As you are well aware, that sort of experience can greatly changes people. I think there are a lot of us for whom that change manifests as a desire to move on to the next stage of life when we get home from our missions, ie. stop playing and start our own families.


I suppose I misspoke in the way that I stated that. I didn't mean to help perpetuate religion myths. More power to you for sticking things through with your wonderful wife. I've just seen a lot of kids that I graduated with who rushed into marriage and are now working through sticky divorces. As I said, you are to be congratulated for making it work the way you two have, but I hate to see it fail for so many. I would hate to be in that "half of all marriages fail" statistic . . .

Didn't mean to insinuat it was a religion thing. I misstated.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well I was 22 when I got married, and my hubby was 24. We have only been married for a little over 2 years, but we have had an incredible marriage. We also had been dating for about 5 years before we got married, and we felt ready and mature enough to get married. I totally think it is just a matter of how mature and ready you are for the commitment. I even have a friend who got married at 18, and they just celebrated their 5 year anniversary and are as happy as can be. Guess it depends on the person and what kind of goals and life they want for themselves.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
If they're happy then good on them. Being happy together could be the fuel to help the relationship grow into a mature, long-term one.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
I was going to make some inside-humor Mormon cracks at this, but your brother set me straight first.

I dunno, do I sense some envy from you, even maybe just a little? The injustice of your immature companion getting married before you, Mohatma Ghandi!

I remember being 22 and all of my Mormon friends were whining about how they wish they were married, or feeling over-the-hill, washed-up, whatever. Or goodness gracious, as for the ones who were already married?! I just didn't get it. Like you, I felt pretty young at 22 and marriage couldn't have been the furthest thing from my mind.

But everyone is different. Wish him happiness & longevity! And may you find happiness & longevity in this decade or the next or the next...there really is no rush. Enjoy youth!
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Maso:

If they're happy then good on them. Being happy together could be the fuel to help the relationship grow into a mature, long-term one.


I have full faith that these two will make things work. I'm happy for him, and I know that his goal is to be with her forever, so I say, good on 'em. But it's still weird . . .

Angie:

I dunno, do I sense some envy from you, even maybe just a little? The injustice of your immature companion getting married before you, Mohatma Ghandi!


Just a titch. Because here I am, not even able to keep up a stable relationship, and he's getting married. Yeah, just a titch.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Marriage scares me. I've got a great example set before me (my parents have been married for more than 44 years) and I've seen a lot of them fail. And when I think about 22 years olds (and younger!) marrying, I just think they're babies and how can you possibly know what you want when you're that age?

But what the heck. I'm not the most mature woman out there, and just 'cause I can't see it happening to me, doesn't mean it can't happen to other people.

Brrr. I still get the shivers thinking about it though.