Figuring out how to be a parent

one tiny task at a time

from JoeUser Forums
Funny how when you have sex, in that moment of pleasure you don't realize that you're asking for a lifetime of work. Or adopting the mindset of a preschool teacher. Or a chef. Or a housekeeper. Or an ever-patient, loving, understanding perfect mommy.

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I woke up this morning (way too early) with one thought on my mind: the house is a wreck and I have to clean it. But what do I do with my kid while I buzz around the house cleaning all day?

Often on days like this I'd set him in front of the TV. He has no qualms about it. If he had his way, he'd get at least 6 hours of TV every day.

BUT THAT IS AGAINST EVERYTHING MY CONSCIENCE ALLOWS ME. Even before I thought of having children, I did a research paper on why television is harmful to young children. I still stand by that. But as the reality of parenting has set in, I realize there are way too many hours in a day too keep my son productively engaged in activities. Daycare? Another topic. Neighborhood friends? Another topic. So TV fills in a bit of his time every day. I hate it, but it's a fact.

Anyhow, today I woke up with a new resolve: I would involve my son into conquering today's housework. That's no big revelation for a lot of smarter mommies. In fact I've tried it before...but either he was uncompliant or I was too impatient to show him little simple tasks that I could have finished in a heartbeat myself.

But I knew it's high time for my son to learn some hard facts...work is an intrinsic part of life and I am NOT his slave. Perhaps this epiphany was timely; perhaps today was the day his mind was open to this kind of thing.

Long story short, I was thrilled to see him put away his own toys, empty and sanitize his own potty training chair, sort the utensils, and he didn't even put up a fuss when we made a game out of cleaning up those darn toilet paper bits that he scattered all over the master bath & bedroom a few days ago. I refused to clean it up myself because IT'S HIS MESS, not mine!

TV was the bribe. His daddy started him out at 6am with Dora the Explorer before I could intervene. Instead of losing my temper over it, I channeled the situation into productivity. As the episode was ending, I lovingly pointed out the mess of toys scattered before him in the living room...and that he was about to clean it up. He protested of course, but then I said, "You can watch TV after you clean up your toys." I've tried tactics like that before, often it doesn't work, he just melts into a puddle of tantrums...

but I guess the timing was right today.

When I returned to the room all of his toys were neatly in their bucket. So very proud of him was I. So I seized the moment and had him do a few more simple tasks before he seemed at his limit and was begging for his next cartoon.

After the next cartoon, he helped me in the kitchen. Awesome little dude, he did it willingly.

Such was the morning. I'm getting control of my son. The housework is taking a bit longer than normal, but that's OK. I'm feeling patient today.

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It was just a moment of pleasure!!
1,711 views 9 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey, nothing wrong in him learning to pick up his toys. I do the same with my four year old. She always feel a sense of accomplishment when she's done and I make a big fuss and a big deal out of what she has done and how she does it. There are times though when she's lazy and refuses to budge on cleaning up. There are times when she empties her entire toy bin all over the floor and take all the stuffed toys and dolls and throws them all over and I just look at her and groan. If I'm in a good mood I clean it up, while telling her not to do it again or I'm going to throw them all away.

Then sometimes she'll help with the cleaning up and then we both plob down infront of the telly. Other times I just pretend I don't see it and my husband will clean it up.

Getting kids to do chores is not harmful, it's a learning experience for them. My parents made me do it. I tell my kids all the time that they're getting away with a lot because they aren't required to do what I used to as a child. (they don't like when I start on this lol!)

My youngest also helps me to do the laundry and dusting and she likes running the vacuum. I tell you when they get older just getting them interested in keeping their rooms clean is a feat in itself!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Getting kids to do chores is not harmful, it's a learning experience for them.


I'm always trying to think back to my childhood...I don't think I was ever taught to clean...I simply enjoyed it! Like your youngest, I LOVED to vaccum, clean the whole house, make things shiny, and my room was usually super-tidy (grew out of all that though, hehe).

I hoped I'd give birth to a neat-freak child too, but I guess I didn't. So here I am painstakingly TEACHING him all the things I never knew a person had to be taught. I know it's not harmful, but it sure is difficult.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
HAHAHA. Well he's well on his way to becoming master of his own domain someday.

I tell my ten year old son, "Look you only have eight summers left! You have to learn to clean everything in the house, how to cook, how to shop, how to budget and you only have 8 summers left before you have to do it all for yourself for real."

Today he polished the base boards, emptied all the garabge cans in the house, and took the garbage to the curb.

I bought a Swiffer Duster for my three year old and it is his job on cleaning day to dust everything from his eye level down. He gets so excited he ends up dusting everything...of course I have to "polish" with a wet rag...but he loves to help.

I'm impressed your son helped with his potty chair...I use a potty ring for my youngest...it sits up on the toilet and he uses his step stool to get on the potty...I can't even think about a potty chair without gagging. hahahahahaha

So I'm very impressed your son helped clean his!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
There is a novelty and a feeling of grownupness to doing it the first time or 2.  But it wears off.  Still, if you make them do it, they will get the work ethic.  Enjoy the easy times!  The "ah Mom!"s are coming!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can't even think about a potty chair without gagging. hahahahahaha


Yeah, we had to break down and get a chair for him to use downstairs because all of our bathrooms are upstairs. Go figure. But he's a pro at using the big'uns too. I prefer it! I never have to see (or touch) a thing! And yes, revisiting his excretions makes me gag every time. Darn near puke. I don't think I have a "mommy" gene like so many others here at JU seem to.

Still, if you make them do it, they will get the work ethic.

That's the goal I'm keeping in sight. "One day, he will be doing all of this without me telling him to....I hope!" And a work ethic in general is a crucial character trait.

I'm doing the best I can!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
What a good mommy you are, Angela!

What you are doing is what I've often heard referred to as "parenting with purpose"...in other words not just reacting to whatever behaviors your child throws at you, but actually thinking about what kind of man you want him to be, and preparing him (in age appropriate ways) for that.

Excellent. You should be so proud!
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
You ARE a great mom! Congrats BTW on teaching cleaning. Enjoy the joy while you can.....teens are cranky when it comes to chores!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
"parenting with purpose"...in other words not just reacting to whatever behaviors your child throws at you,


What a compliment! I'll be honest though, I wrote this to capture a rare successful moment in parenting. We do plenty of "reactive parenting" too. You know, stuff like, "Stop screaming!" or, "Quit destroying everything in your path!" Or ignoring bad behavior altogether because I'm sure he's just trying to get a rise out of me. But I'll concentrate on the positive for now...that's where this article came from

Congrats BTW on teaching cleaning.


Thank you! Again, 'twas a fleeting thing I'm sure, but I'm learning right along with him.

Enjoy the joy while you can.....teens are cranky when it comes to chores!


I'm scared to death of what lies down the road...I struggle with the simple stuff now!
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm scared to death of what lies down the road...I struggle with the simple stuff now!


I hear ya. When I had my first two little ones I had a lot of much older friends who kept telling me I was still in my "easy phase" of parenting. I now think they were somewhat but not completely right about that. Each phase of your child's life brings new challenges. I do think that the moral dilemas and life lessons you face with your older child are more difficult than changing diapers and cleaning the house. While you're in the midst of having a baby attached to you all day and you're feeling like a feeding and changing machine, it feels pretty darn difficult.

I think parents grow with their children. The first time you do anything it tends to be difficult. The first time I dealt with having a newborn was much more difficult than the second time. The first time answering the "where do babies come from?" question was more difficult than the second. We grow and adapt with our ever changing children.

Best wishes.