When Did You Start Disciplining Your Children?

Believe me, at 18 months, a child knows right from wrong! Now, sometimes they will be fidgety, which is different from rebelling, but they are plenty old enough to be disciplined at that age.

With our third daughter, the first time she got seriously disciplined (at about that age) was when she was running through a friend's house yelling and we admonished her to use her "indoor" voice. She dropped her voice, then after a short time raised it, looked back to see that we were looking, then lowered it again. Because she showed us through her actions that she KNEW what we were asking of her, we felt it was appropriate to discipline her.

The reason a child's first word is usually No, is because they hear it so much.  I am not sure they know right from wrong at 18 months, but they do know approval and disapproval.  A child that small only knows their wants.  They have no conception of others, just of their wants and needs.  They have to be told no to understand that you are not a decoration set there to please her, and that some actions are not tolerated.

Discipline starts as soon as they stop crying, eating, sleeping and pooping (i.e. when they start recognizing things around them).  I am not talking spankings and such.  But the word NO is not to be spared at that age.

ASAP

Seriously you can see rebellion in a child almost immediately. Ever see the arching back when you try to hold a toddler against her/his will? The stronger the will the easiest it is to be seen. I saw this strong will in my one month old middle child. He had a temper right from the get go.

I agree with the Doc.....I don't think they know right from wrong at such a young age. That's why we have to teach them. If a dog can be trained to not go on the floor a young child can be taught not to throw things. A firm no, and maybe a slap on the hand should suffice ast this age or taking things out of reach will do as well.

Discipline starts as soon as they stop crying, eating, sleeping and pooping

if this is the case we'd never discipline our kids. My teens still fell into this category....hahaha

We spanked here as necessary (not PC I know...but effective). If done right you are done by age 7 or 8 or so.

We started when they were able to crawl.  I know that sounds barbaric, but it's not.  When they were able to crawl and grab things that they weren't supposed to have, we'd say "NO" and move them/the object away.  Disciplining doesn't always mean punishing, it sometimes means teaching right from wrong; letting kids know what's acceptable and what's not.  We'd occasionally slap the backs of their hands if they were getting into something dangerous (electrical outlets, hot ovens, things like that) but I can count on the fingers of both hands the amount of times all three of ours got a proper spanking.  That's not bad, for three of them....

Discipline starts as soon as they stop crying, eating, sleeping and pooping if this is the case we'd never discipline our kids. My teens still fell into this category....hahaha

!

I meant as their only activity.  Sorry for the misconception.

One of my daycare kids is 13 months old and she can now climb on the couch but she won't sit. She want to dance around and I'm afraid she'll fall and hurt herself. She knows what I'm telling her because the second she sees me moving to get her she sits down but not until then. We have already started short time outs.

As far as your niece goes, its hard to do, but if you give her one warning to stop the behavior and then leave if she doesn't, that will make an impression. No kid wants the fun to stop. Oh and they definately know who they can "play" and who won't put up with it. It's funny that they figure that out so young.

I'm thrilled that you raised this topic.

Ever see the arching back when you try to hold a toddler against her/his will?

Oh yes I experience it several times a day. My son is going to be three in a few weeks, and I have no clue how to discipline him.

Since my son was born I've lived in fear of messing him up, which includes taking into account the "experts'" view on never physically reprimanding a child.

Frankly our son is becoming quite a brat, relishes the word "NO!" with a rebellious grin, and refuses to stay in any sort of "time-out". He really needs a good swat once in awhile, but I'm scared to death to do it because I'm all too aware that big brother is watching. (It's a military thing...I have neighbors who are aching to report me to "Family Advocacy" because they've been turned in themselves.)


*sigh* well I'll be watching this thread in case anyone has further insight. I'll take into account what's already been said. A swat on the hand? He'd say "Ow," with a scowl then makes me feel guilty. I think he catches my vibes that I'm scared of hurting him mentally, emotionally or physically. So he knows he's got the upper hand. Grrr. It shouldn't be this way.

throwing a few fries and napkins around, almost knocking over someone's drink on purpose, grabbing at my sister's digital camera

Sounds like a normal outing for us

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading everybody's input so far. It's a subject that I am not experienced in, so it is interesting to read about the variety of ways this issue is approached.

I thought I would share that my niece's mother disciplines her regularly...when she was trying to crawl up my grandmother's sofa, her mother immediately said, "NO, get off the sofa, you know better than that..." And she also says other things to that effect when her daughter does something she disapproves of. Maybe her aunts and uncles just don't have the magic touch.

I have other nieces, and do discipline them now that they are older, but I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with them when they were about one or two...so, I have trouble recalling exactly how I handled them when they did something bad.

Also, although my niece has been acting naughty lately, I wouldn't exactly call her a terror. But it seems she has inherited some of my brother's mischievious nature, which causes her to do some not very pleasing things.

U-oh, this is what i'm going to have to look forward to when my niece is 18 months old, i suppose!

Frankly our son is becoming quite a brat, relishes the word "NO!" with a rebellious grin, and refuses to stay in any sort of "time-out". He really needs a good swat once in awhile, but I'm scared to death to do it because I'm all too aware that big brother is watching. (It's a military thing...I have neighbors who are aching to report me to "Family Advocacy" because they've been turned in themselves.)

This is a clear example to me that this child needs a swat. It works with mice and it works with little boys. The punishment has to be bad enough he is not willing to engage in that behavior again. Otherwise he will wear you out.

The experts don't live with you. Heck most of the experts don't even have kids.

You may want to get the books "Dare to Disipline" or "Strong Willed Child." Both by James Dobson. He uses common sense. Out of my three boys I had one strong willed and one I never had to discipline. One never got spankings and one got them on a regular basis. Both turned out to be well adjusted young men. Both will most likely discipline their own the way they were raised by the stories they tell me of their friends who never got disciplined, and they do see a difference.

Thank you KFC...I came back to this thread sheepishly because I realized I took it on a tangent...the topic was "WHEN do you start to discipline your children?", not how do you do it, or please share your stories. Hehe.

I was tempted to start my own thread on this topic, but I think you've just hit the nail on the head. I'll check out those books and try to convince myself that an appropriate swat does not necessarily constitute child abuse (and try to ignore my busy-body neighbor). Thanks.

My kids have ALWAYS been disciplined. From the time they first started interacting with the world. Even that 6 week old infant reaching earrings or a necklace can understand approval/disapproval. I believe (and having lived with 4 of them ... I'm always getting reinforcement) that kids understand and DESIRE parental approval. At all stages of life. So, the infant may have more difficult translating the action -> disapproval corelation, they still pick up on the parent/care-giver's disapproval.

As they grow ... getting that disapproval through their thick skulls takes a little more ... ingenuity.

I believe (and having lived with 4 of them ... I'm always getting reinforcement) that kids understand and DESIRE parental approval. At all stages of life

They DO. Kids thrive on structure and parental approval. Discipline is part of that.

Discipline? What is that?

A firm, lowered voice works well at the toddler age as well as removing them from whatever they are misbehaving with. If they are throwing their food, take it away. They won't starve. Chances are, if they were really hungry, they would be eating it rather than throwing it.

Each child responds differently. What works with one might not work with another. One of my boys responded well to "No!" and removing his hand when he pulled my hair. The other one required my pulling his hair for him to be able to understand why that was a no-no.

I'm a firm believer that dangerous behaviour requires physical intervention. When your toddler tries to run into the parking lot, sometimes a spank on the bottom is the only way to get the message of danger across. There is no reasoning with an 18 month old though.

I heard a 5yr old call her mom a bitch yesterday and simply couldn't believe it. The mom responded with a softly spoken "I don't like the way you're behaving." What?! My kid would be fearing for his life if he talked to me like that! I guess that is why neither of mine have ever said anything remotely like that.

heard a 5yr old call her mom a bitch yesterday and simply couldn't believe it. The mom responded with a softly spoken "I don't like the way you're behaving." What?! My kid would be fearing for his life if he talked to me like that! I guess that is why neither of mine have ever said anything remotely like that.

exactly. I agree wholeheartedly. Just imagine how this little girl will behave as she grows up under this supervision. I've actually watched this up close with an only child I used to babysit. He was just like this.

I asked my 20 year old once why he thought he never did the things his friends did and he said he was too afraid of what we would do to him. Good I thought. I did my job.

We've recently had 3 kids in this area commit suicide. All at 18-20 years of age. These kids were not disciplined from what I could see....I'm wondering if there is a correlation.

I was tempted to start my own thread on this topic,

you should. I for one have some hilarious stories. My strong willed 3 year old was something else.

A five year old calling her mother a b**tch...and the mother only mildly chastising her? That's ridiculous and pretty sad...wonder what more she lets her get away with.

I start right when they're still in the womb.

~~I start right when they're still in the womb.~~

Here is hoping your new bundle of joy has been on his/her best behavior in your wife's tummy thus far.

From the time they could understand, at say nine months to a year. The word No became a regular part of my vocabulary when they tried to do somethng that could hurt them, like pulling things down, reaching for somethng sharp, and stuff like that. As they grew older the one word became sentences and letting them know why that's not appropriate or not good. Now they are older it's time out, for the four year old anyway, and taking stuff away, or them losing time with their friends, etc.

I've had to spank, open hand on the butt or arm or thigh, my four year old before, but only when it's warranted, when she has done something that no words will let her know that was not good. Generally as a rule, that's the last resort for us, my hubby and I. He won't even discipline them period! I'm the one who does it and I usually prefer to communicate, not hit.

Discipline can be a touchy and even personal topic, so I appreciate everyone's views on it.

I started beating my children while they were still in the womb. Can't get too early a start on good discipline ya know.